termination of parental rights

[tweety1]

Hi Socrateaser,

I will try to keep this brief.

History:

Due to abuse by BM I have had custody (sole, legal and physical) of a child for 2.6 years.  The child is also a family member of mine.  During the past 2.6 years BF has not objected to me having custody and has also verbally stated (to my husband and I) that he would like for us to adopt him.

By his choice BF has seen the child a handful of times in 2.6 years and other people including me initiated that contact but he never contacted me on his own.  In the past I offered to pick BF up so that he could visit with child, take child to BF, Bf to live in my house etc.  BF never once took advantage of any of those opportunities and as a result no parent child relationship was established.  BF had court ordered visitation but again he did not exercise it.

There was phone contact between BF and I but only when I called him.  The last phone contact was 7 months ago and there has been no other contact.  It has been almost a year since he has seen the child.
CS order was established 5 months ago and he has failed to pay it.  He hasn't paid anything in the past 2.6 years.


FACTS:

Despite the opportunites I provided him he has not maintained meaningful contact with the child.

He has not contributed to any of the childs  financial, physical or emotional needs.

There is no parent child relationship with BF and child.

He has not maintained contact with me.

He has not attended all of the court hearings nor did he adhere to other request by the court.

The child has been out of the care and custody of both parents for more than 2 years.

Parent child relationship exist between child and us.  There are very strong emotional ties.

Sibling bond exist between child and my other children.

I've omitted many details but the present situation is, BM has finally consented to an adoption but BF has filed an objection.

Questions:

1)  There will be a court hearing in the matter of a contested adoption.    What should I expect at this hearing?

2)  The child does not have an attorney, should the courts appoint one and if they don't how will the courts view it if I hire one?

3)  Is an expert witness neccesary to establish how detrimental it could be to this child to be removed from the only family this child has ever known?

4)  Given the BF's history, does he really have a chance?

5)  Will the courts consider how this will affect my other children?

6)  Please add any comments or suggestions that you think will be helpful to me!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and I look forward to hearing from you!

Tweety1  

:-)

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>1)  There will be a court hearing in the matter of a contested
>adoption.    What should I expect at this hearing?

If your intent is to terminate the father's rights, you must prove by clear and convincing evidence that there is no parent-child relationship established between father and child and that it is in the child's best interests to terminate the father's parental rights.

>
>2)  The child does not have an attorney, should the courts
>appoint one and if they don't how will the courts view it if I
>hire one?

"Should" is a bad word for legal issues. The issue is whether justice for the child's interests require the appointment. More than likely, a GAL will be appointed to ensure that the child's best interests are served.

>3)  Is an expert witness neccesary to establish how
>detrimental it could be to this child to be removed from the
>only family this child has ever known?

I don't see any facts suggesting that the other parent is demanding custody. You can be named guardian for the child and the father can still be the legal parent, with a duty to pay support to you, and the right to visitation.

>4)  Given the BF's history, does he really have a chance?

It doesn't sound real good, but if he's willing to mount a battle then he does stand a chance, because courts are extremely reluctant to terminate a parent who makes even a small attempt to have a relationship with the child. So, it largely depends on how the child views the father -- a question for a court evaluator to determine by investigation.

>
>5)  Will the courts consider how this will affect my other
>children?

No.

>6)  Please add any comments or suggestions that you think will
>be helpful to me!

Your goal should be to do what is in the child's interest, regardless of whether it is in your interest. That is what you must try to convey to th court. If you succeed, you will do better than if you attempt to assert your "rights," however you may perceive them, or to denegrate the other parent as unfit.

[tweety1]

All I really want is what is best for this little one.  Whenever we have gone to court my goal has always been to protect this child's best interest.  I have learned so much about "the system" and I am not really sure that the courts always have the best interest of the child in mind, sometimes I think that is just fluff.

It is repulsive to me that physical child abuse can be substantiated and the parent still gets a chance. It doesn't seem to matter that a child has been given a second chance.  This little one was just a couple of months old when harmed.  I'll never get that but I guess it doesn't really matter what I get or don't get.

The reason I am pushing for the adoption is because the BM took so long to consent and I don't want to lose that.  I never would have guessed that BF would have contested.  I told both bios they could still see the child, BM supervised.  I just don't want this child to be uprooted oneday when they decide there ready to be parents.  That would not be in the child's best interest but I guess that isn't for me to decide.

I will also admit that I am concerned about my other children, I know they would be devastated.  My other children are also young and they have seen this little one go through so much, from raw skin to 1st degree burns etc.  They would get very upset when BM had supervised visits away from our house.  They didn't understand why this little one had to keep getting hurt.

I really tried to help BF get to know the child.  At some point I told him all I want is for you to be a dad.  You can lead the horse to the water but you can't make him drink it.  I still don't understand why he is contesting the adoption.  He hasn't shown any interest in this child.  He could walk in my front door and the child wouldn't have a clue who he is. I personally think someone is pushing him to do this.

I hired an attorney but ofcourse the courts aren't viewing him to represent the child's best interest.  After the investigations were over that was it from DSS and I could not allow this child to become another statistic.  We thank god everyday that he is alive without brain damage.  My goal will always be to protect this child's best interest.  I also tried to get seperate legal counsel for this little one and I was told that it wasn't neccesary.  I pray that the court appoints a GAL.

I'm certainly not looking forward to going to court and I don't want to speak of BF in a negative way.  Honestly my heart breaks for him but at the same time it isn't fair for my family which includes this child to live life in limbo.  I know what is fair and what is the law is different.

I am very aware of the fact that from a legal stand point I have no "rights" to this child.  It is probably fair to say that I've been a long-term care taker.  Either way I love this little one as one of my own.

Sorry for all of the venting:-)

Your reply made me think of some other questions.

1.)  Would videos of my family bare any weight in court?

2.)  What is the difference between being named guardian vs. having custody?

3.)  If an entire family supports this adoption because they all feel it is in the child's best interest, does that matter in court?  As far as I know BF's family also supports it.  

4.)  In my first post I tried to remain factual and not negative about BF.  Did I come across negative?  

If yes, how do I remain factual in court without coming across negative?  

5.)  Do I bring the child to court to prove that BF is a complete stranger?  

Besides testimony from myself and others how do I prove there is no child parent relationship there?

Does a GAL observe the child with all parties?  That would be a way of proving there is no parent child relationship.

6.)  Because this child was abused are there any other laws that play a role in this?

Thank you for your time regarding my post and everyone elses.  It has truley been a blessing to find this forum.

tweety:-)

[socrateaser]

>1.)  Would videos of my family bare any weight in court?

Not at a preliminary hearing, because the judge won't watch it, but if this is a trial, then yes.

>
>2.)  What is the difference between being named guardian vs.
>having custody?

Guardianship is a privilege granted by the court on a preponderance of evidence that it is in the child's best interests. Custody is a right which is deprived by a court on a preponderance of evidence showing that it is in the child's best interests. Modification of either status, once awarded requires clear and convincing evidence of changed circumstances in the child's life, independent of any change in the parent's or guardian's life.

As a practical matter, once the court awards a guardianship it is identical to a parent's custody right.

>3.)  If an entire family supports this adoption because they
>all feel it is in the child's best interest, does that matter
>in court?  As far as I know BF's family also supports it.

Character of the parent is relevant in a custody hearing, because a parent's character presumably affectes their ability to parent. So the opinions of persons who know the BF will have some weight, especially if adverse opinions are from persons who would ordinarily be expected to support the BF's position -- and visa versa.

>4.)  In my first post I tried to remain factual and not
>negative about BF.  Did I come across negative?  

Yes. But, at least you're willing to consider your approach, which is better than the majority, who is always certain that their position is "right" and their opponent's is "wrong." There is no right or wrong in the law. There is only what the law is, based on the legislative acts of duly elected representatives -- who frequently pass awful legislation based on their personal opinions of "right" and 'wrong."

Your goal should be to do what is objectively in the child's best interests -- not to consider whether an outcome is right or wrong, because everyone's view of morality is different and equally valid. Opinions about the law are not all equally valid. Only one opinion counts: the judge's.
>
>If yes, how do I remain factual in court without coming across
>negative?  

As a practical matter, you will not be able to remain objective, especially if this is a very important issue to you. It's your attorney's job to keep you on the track that will best advance your interests.

>5.)  Do I bring the child to court to prove that BF is a
>complete stranger?

No -- courts are extremely protective of children. Bringing the child to court is the equivalent of saying, "I don't give !@#$ about the kid. This is all about me."

If the judge wants to see the child, then he/she will order it.

>Besides testimony from myself and others how do I prove there
>is no child parent relationship there?

You can request that the court appoint an evaluator to view the parent and child relationship and make that determination.

>
>Does a GAL observe the child with all parties?  That would be
>a way of proving there is no parent child relationship.

Yes.

>
>6.)  Because this child was abused are there any other laws
>that play a role in this?

If there is proof of abuse, then that would put the burden of proof on the abusive parent to demonstrate why he/she should be allowed custody. The court will be extremely skeptical ESPECIALLY of an abusive woman, because the maternal bond is usually stronger and it is extremely unusual for a woman to physically abuse her child. It suggests a serious mental disorder in the mother.

[tweety1]

Soc,

As our court date gets closer I'm sure I will have more questions.

Thank you again for providing me with sound advice, it is greatly appreciated! :-)

Take care,
tweety1