What do we need?

[dontunderstand]

Dear Soc,
We are in WA.  
I am wondering what we need to prove CP interference with NCP's time?  
Short of straight up denying visits with a "NO" she does EVERYTHING else!  She calls SD (7) and puts these massive guilt trips on her.  She tells her she HAS TO call everyday or she is "in trouble"  SD will call w/o BM knowing and ask to spend time with us, BM ok's it and then when SD gets home she gets in trouble for wanting to spend time with us.  This is all on tape (she knows she is being taped, attorney said to and to tell her due to false allegations)  
When DH and I reminded her of pick up for our 1 week summer visit, she 1st denied us because we "did not notify her"  we sent her certified mail (with dates times and contact numbers) that she failed to pick up and/or refused, we told her it was at post office. We also sent a copy to attorney who then forwarded to her council.  Then she said "we failed to give her 30 days notice"  That is not stated in the PP.  Then when we went to pick up SD she wouldn't let her go because we wouldn't give her the contact number again, we didn't have it with us.  
Needless to say our attorney was able to give it to us, and she let her go, AFTER telling SD that DH was going to lose her at the airport (he took her to GA~also in PP. )
Do we have to continue to go through all this drama, and not so much even for us, but does SD have to keep going through all of this.  We stay calm, but SD sees that BM is "upset" and "we upset her"
Also, DH is in GA and according to our PP.  "each parent shall have 1 uninterrupted week with the exception of reasonable phone contact of 1 call per week. When a parent takes SD out of state she has to call the other parent everynight.  Now DH and SD have been gone less than 24 hours and BM has already called me 2 times and called DH once, AFTER SD called her for the night.  It makes it really difficult for them to have a good time after BM guilt trips SD a prime example, tonight she started crying while talking to SD because she "missed her so much"  how is that supposed to make a 7 yr. old feel.  Needless to say her"stomach hurt" for a good part of the night.
Is there anything we can do about this?...
There is SO much more to this miserable situation, this is just a wink...

[socrateaser]

>Is there anything we can do about this?...

Well, the obvious thing that comes to mind at the moment, is that if the other parent is only entitled to one call during the uninterrupted week, then one call is all she should get. Just tell the child that the judge has told daddy and mommy that mommy can only talk to SD one time while in GA, and that's it. You've just externalized the problem so that SD will be ok with not calling and it's not either mommy or daddy's fault.

In fact, the judge DID order it, and by contacting the child more than once in the week, BM is in contempt (technically, but as a practical matter, the judge would never order contempt).

Re the ordinary harrassment, you could file a motion requesting that the court limit contact between BM and the child during father's parenting time, because the constant phone calls are causing the child severe mental distress (which is true). The court may want the child and the mother evaluated by a therapist, and maybe the father, as well.

Bottom line is if you don't do anything to try put a stop to the irrational behavior, I can guarantee that it will continue to occur.

[dontunderstand]

Thanks Soc!
 DH did remind BM about the PP, she just kept yelling, "Don't limit my time" over and over he finally had to say that the conversation was over and hung up...but,
I do have another question...
We requested a GAL on 3 different occasions, the last one being at the final PP order hearing and 3 times it was passed over/not addressed, now it is my understanding that since we now have a final order, we are unable to get one unless something else happens and we can not bring up issues that were prior to the final order.  1)What would have to happen in order for us to request one and 2) for someone to wake up and pay attention?...
Thanks again!

[socrateaser]

>Thanks Soc!
> DH did remind BM about the PP, she just kept yelling, "Don't
>limit my time" over and over he finally had to say that the
>conversation was over and hung up...but,
>I do have another question...
>We requested a GAL on 3 different occasions, the last one
>being at the final PP order hearing and 3 times it was passed
>over/not addressed, now it is my understanding that since we
>now have a final order, we are unable to get one unless
>something else happens and we can not bring up issues that
>were prior to the final order.  1)What would have to happen in
>order for us to request one and 2) for someone to wake up and
>pay attention?...

Question 2 is up to you. You will get attention if you file a motion for some sort of relief. Otherwise, you won't get any. Courts are inherently reactive -- they don't do anything on their own.

Question 1 requires you to show that the child's interests may be sufficiently adverse to both parents such that a reasonable trier of fact believes it is in the child's best interests to have his/her own advocate. You are concerned about the constant interference. Your interest is in not having the child conflicted, and this may be sufficient grounds, but it's really up to the judge. In most jurisdictions, the parties must pay for a GAL, so having one appointed can be pretty expensive. Most people try to avoid a GAL appointment, but if it's what you want, then you need to ask the court and convince the judge that there is good cause to appoint someone who will advance the child's interests irrespective of either parent's.

[dontunderstand]

It isn't just the constant interference, it is also the 60 missed school days and 40 tardies (14 absences, 7 tardies in kindergarten) and the 5 abandonded residences (she has just moved again w/out notice) and her driving record consisting of hit and run, false reporting, DWLS (3x) drive w/out insurance, not wear seat belt, etc...and she still transports SD.

1) Is that the kind of things they will be looking for to appoint a GAL?  

2) If we brought up the school issue in the final hearing and the comissioner said "I see that you are trying, just keep trying, school is very important" and nothing was done and the GAL request was over looked then are we just out of luck on that one?  or can we still use it?  

All of the other stuff we just found out, the last abandoned apt. was before final order hearing, so do we have to wait until she abandons another place?

How do we and what do we ask in trying to get something, becasue it isn't a modification is it?

[socrateaser]

>1) Is that the kind of things they will be looking for to
>appoint a GAL?  

It's up to you to request the appointment by the court. However, you can also simply retain an attorney to act in the child's interests without a court appointment. That attorney will be a GAL, and under the rules of professional conduct, the attorney must act in the child's interest and not be influenced by the fact that you are paying the bill. The court will listen to the appointed attorney, just as if it had made the appointment itself.

>2) If we brought up the school issue in the final hearing and
>the comissioner said "I see that you are trying, just keep
>trying, school is very important" and nothing was done and the
>GAL request was over looked then are we just out of luck on
>that one?  or can we still use it?  

Evidence not considered on its merits is not barred by res judicata principles. Even if the judge were to refuse the old evidence, I would imagine that this issue continues, so you should have new evidence to present.

>All of the other stuff we just found out, the last abandoned
>apt. was before final order hearing, so do we have to wait
>until she abandons another place?

An abandoned apartment is not particularly relevant.

>How do we and what do we ask in trying to get something,
>becasue it isn't a modification is it?

You are stating all sorts of facts that you want considered, but what exactly is your ultimate goal -- it's not clear to me (I thought you simply wanted to stop the interference with parenting time, but obviously not)?

[dontunderstand]

I do want the inteference stopped ASAP.  The ultimate goal is to make sure that SD has a SAFE and STABLE environment to grow up in.  If mom can start thinking about SD instead of self, fine, if not than we would like to pursue custody.
What will we need to file with the court to request a GAL?
I do appreciate all your time, wisdom and suggestions...

[socrateaser]

>I do want the inteference stopped ASAP.  The ultimate goal is
>to make sure that SD has a SAFE and STABLE environment to grow
>up in.  If mom can start thinking about SD instead of self,
>fine, if not than we would like to pursue custody.
>What will we need to file with the court to request a GAL?
>I do appreciate all your time, wisdom and suggestions...

You keep talking about a GAL as if this were the solution to your problem. If you or the child are being harrassed by the other parent, then you should file a motion to clarify parenting time as to telephone contact, and have the judge order very precise contact instructions, so that if they are violated, you can file a motion for contempt and have the other parent found in contempt for sure, and sanctioned. And then you keep doing it until the judge says "enough," and tells the other parent that if she screws around one more time, that the court will redetermine custody of the child.

Talk to your attorney about this, because there is no such thing as a judge who will never order contempt.

[dontunderstand]

I don't think a GAL is the answer.  I have just had so many people tell me that it may help.  The problem is this.  We don't get a specific judge or comissioner, we get whoever is presiding that day.  When we went to court the 1st time the 1st comissioner looked at everything and told BM that this was her 1st and only warning and if he saw her back again, he would take away her time and give it to dad, as he believed she was doing everything in her power to keep SD from BD, and she was.  

The second time we went to court on what should have been 2 contempts, the comissioner looked at the same info. that #1 did and had a completely different attitude, he went the other way and gave BD very little time because he believed BD chose not to be involved with SD when in fact it was BM that moved with no forwarding address or phone number.  He also told attornies they each had 10 min. from start to finish.  With all that our attorney was trying to get out, there was no time for even a rebuttle.  

We are left frusterate and just trying to figure out where to go from here.  BM is doing EVERYTHING in her power to keep this relationship from happening short of flat out denying visits. (but it has only been 6 weeks since court too.)

I am just looking for options.

SD should not have to go through all of the emotional abuse that mom puts on her.

[socrateaser]

Neither the court nor I am clarevoyant. In order to obtain relief from the court, you must know EXACTLY what you want, and then you must PROVE that you are entitled it. You need to think about what you want and whether you have sufficient proof to cause the court to grant it, and then you need to have your attorney try to get those specific things.

Stop looking for "options." Until you are absolutely certain in what you want, you cannot expect a court to give it to you. Courts don't deal in ambiguities, and this may be why you are not getting what you want from the court, because you are going in looking for the judge to to tell you what you need, rather than you telling the judge what you want.

YOU decide what you WANT and then YOU tell the court to give it to you.

OK? Good luck.