filing for divorce

[daddyb]

i am filing for divorce but i do not have a lot of money i was going to file w/o an atty is this a wise decision?

 I ALSO HAVE AGREED TO LET MY WIFE HAVE THE HOUSE AND I WILL TAKE ONE OF THE VEHICLES NOTHING IS IN WRITING YET BUT MY WORD AS AN HONEST MAN



   ANY ADVISE WILL BE APPRECIATED

[StPaulieGirl]

Bless your heart.

There are others here who can give you better advice than I can, but I'll mention a couple of things.

How many kids, and what kind of verbal agreement did you make to your wife on custody/visitation arrangements?  Are you comfortable mentioning the reason for the divorce here?

Verbal agreements are not worth the paper they are printed on.  I believe that you are an honest man, and that your word is your bond.  You are one of the rare few that still has personal standards.  This will be your downfall, unfortunately.

You needed an attorney before you even told your wife that you were filing for divorce.  You can bet she's looking for one right now.  Depending on the circumstances, all might not be lost yet.  Get on the phone immediately and start interviewing lawyers.  

I have found out the hard way that being nice, reasonable, and mature, is the fastest ticket to hell.  

[TGB]

See "Tips for Getting Started" at http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

If you think your life has been bad while married, you are about to find out that life can get much worse.

There is no substitute for a good attorney in a divorce case. Unfortunately, however, a poor or disinterested attorney can cost you a lot more than just attorney fees, and you are better off representing yourself than going with an attorney who is not truly representing your best interests and those of your children.

My personal belief is that most divorces these days could and should be avoided. It's not easy to work through serious marital problems, but if more people realized how hard divorce would be on them and their kids they might reconsider. Children in two parent families do better in every measureable way than those in single-parent or step-families.

[Peanutsdad]

A man as his own attorney, has a fool for a client.


No wiser words have been spoken for those unfamiliar with family court.


So no, it is not a wise decision. What are all the tangibles of the case? Children? property? retirement accounts? vehicles? joint accounts?




Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm

One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[daddyb]

i live in rhode island
   I HAVE 2 CHILDREN BOTH BOYS 4&7 YRS OLD
AS FAR AS AGREEMENTS MY WIFE HAS AGREED TO JOINT CUSTODY BUT NOT TO JOINT PLACEMENT SHE SAYS I MAKES HER NERVOUS SHE ALSO HAS AGREED TO VISITATION I TOLD HER I WANTED 50% SHE SAID I COULD HAVE THEM WHENEVER SHE HAS TO GO TO SCHOOL ECT AND ON CERTAIN DAYS


HERE ARE SOME SPECIFICS: I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 8 YEARS, SOME GOOD; SOME NOT SO GOOD. THE REASON WE ARE GETTING DIVORCED, IS BECAUSE WE JUST CANNOT SEE EYE TO EYE ANY MORE. THERE WAS A PIONT WHERE I WAS INVOLVED IN PORN BECAUSE MY WIFE REFUSED ME TOO MANY TIMES; I DID NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE, BUT SHE IN TURN; SLEPT WITH SOMEONE, AND HAD AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE ELSE. WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS VERY UPSET; BUT I FORGAVE AND DECIDED TO TRY TO WORK IT OUT. IT ONLY GOT WORSE FROM THERE, BECAUSE THE MAN SHE SLEPT WITH LIVES UPSTAIRS, AND I AM THE LANDLORD; I GAVE HIM 3 WEEKS TO MOVE OUT. BUT THREE WEEKS LATER MY WIFE TOLD ME SHE TOLD HIM HE COULD STAY BECAUSE HE WAS HER FRIEND(BASICALLY CHOSE HIM OVER ME). I STILL TRIED TO MOVE ON W/OUR LIVES, BUT NOW SHE SPENDS MORE TIME W/HIM WHEN I AM AT WORK AND TALKING TO HIM WHEN I AM HOME.
I AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN TRYING TO AVOID DIVORCE AT ALL COST BUT AT THIS POINT I SEE NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE.

DADDYB


 

[motivator]

Get the attorney!  Family court is not about getting the best interest of the child taken care of.  FC is all about damage reduction for the father.  No lawyer = No time with child!
Do whatever you have to, max out credit cards and then go bankrupt later if need be, but get the lawyer!
The idea is to maximize the amount of time that is allowed for you WITHIN the court system so that you don't have to do as much OUTSIDE to get justice.  
Remember Jesus Christ himself had no luck in court without an attorney... what chance do you have?    ;)

Good luck to ya!

[StPaulieGirl]

I don't know anything about family law in R.I., but I'll assume it's probably similiar to CA.

Okay, first get a lawyer for family court, and one for real estate.  You mentioned that you're the landlord, so this is an apartment building that you own?  You can't evict a tenant for having an affair with your wife.  He can and will sue you.  

I'll bet you make her nervous.  This will be the worst thing you've ever done, but kiss and make up with her after she promises to break off the affair again.  Hire a PI.  Once you get the evidence that she is neglecting the kids while you're at work,  you can act.  Remember that darn near all states follow "no fault" guidelines regarding divorce.  If you can show intentional neglect from the get go, you have a chance of at least 50/50.

What counts is if you are the owner of the property, or the manager of the building.  Could you rent somewhere else, pack up the boys and move out about the same time she is served with divorce papers and a restraining order?  Make one out in her bf's name too.  Dude, you're just scared to death!  Hey if women do it, you can too.  You don't want your kids growing up in that kind of atmosphere, and unfortunately I know what I'm talking about.

This is not a marriage.  "Seeing eye to eye" on important issues takes two people who are totally commited to their marriage.  She broke the marriage vows by having sex with another person besides her husband.  As for porn, avoid it.  Besides doing weird things to your head, it does worse things to your pc.  Hey, at least my teenage son is looking at women....

Does your wife do drugs?  Her verbal agreement is designed to make you nothing but a babysitter.  My almost 22 yr old's fiancee's brother has that kind of arrangement.  My daughter ends up babysitting half the time so the guy can pick up odd jobs for gas money.  You know...arrearages and what not, will chew up your paycheck.  

As for my friend, he got screwed.  He was nice and tried to make things okay for the kids, and get his wife into a treatment program.  I'm hoping that others give you advice on how to protect yourself and your kids.  My friend lost his kids to a drug addict.  She's "sober", but she still has the same mentality.

[gipsy]

Look  . Most women get vendictive , You are not to far down the line to do some planning here , Just Keep it as cool as you can and Get some Ideas from a few atty's . Go talk to ten atty's . Get a cool one that treats you like a real human , And doesn't sell you a big puff story , Like when the atty tells you Some thing like ,,, He can tell you the  legal issues here , And whats likely , There is a post on here that tells you to get her ass for neglect of the children , Thats a really good Idea . Secondly remmember You have to prove that You are doing the parenting functions , Doctors, school stuff .  What ever they do, you parent them . My atty told me a million times , Its way better to prove your self to be a good parent than spend all your time making her out to be a bad parent ,Next if she is sooo agreeable . then get her to sign a parenting plan that say's you get the kids 50/50 etc , If she has alrerady balked at that, I will garuntee she has talked to an atty , And sorry [women ] But  Its been My experience That Women are vendictive when this type of situation happens and the nice guy thing is Well Let Me break it to you . Take the nice guy thing and stick it up your @$$ before she gets ahold of it , Because at least when you do it won't be as painfull , MY Atty say's < The judge doesn't care if your a nice guy any way ,  WAke Up And smell the coffee,, Your getting a divorce , get an atty that You will say loook , We don't have to be mean about this but it all needs to be nice and legal , Then get it in writeing and tell her lets go file this at the court , Like when you separate you Will Need temporary orders , and You better believe she will do all she can to keep the kids and get child support , Heres the real kicker , There has been no custody decision , And I would talk to a few  atty's about taking the kids with You . Man . Throw the nice guy thing Into a conversation with an atty ,You can Be nice and have a nice atty make all the nice aggreement s NICE AND LEGAL , Or fight it , And She is the one having the affair blaming you for porn , pal , Don't take the guilt , You are here now get your rights in writeing , And move on with life , this will be likel;y to be a long process , She screwing the nieghbor pal , Think of it like this , this is the end of a buiseness deal and it has to be legally terminated ,

[StPaulieGirl]

Excellent advice.  "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".  Even if she scorned you first, she'll feel the need to nail you to a tree for disagreeing with her behavior.

Nice people lose.  Period.  My friend had his three kids living with him, while his wife was running around with a drug dealer.  They were receiving welfare while his disablility claim was sloooowly moving through the system.  She went through treatment, and obviously received advice on how to grab the kids.  My friend should have immediately filed for divorce and sole custody when she left.  He lost his house, his possessions, and his kids.  His kids get grounded if they are caught talking to him on the phone.  Their internet provider is AOL, and has a feature that allows a parent to monitor their children's inboxes.  His oldest daughter finds ways to call him from friends homes.  They live several hours away from him, and he cannot exercise his visitation.

Gipsy is right on the money.  I'd like to add a little to this.  If you have health insurance, discuss this with your physician.  Start planning to prevent stress related illness, and also get checked for STD's.  My mistake was thinking that once the divorce was finalized, the bad stuff would finally be over.  Unfortunately, I had no idea what we were in for.  

[Peanutsdad]

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