Father's Chances of Custody

[CaringFatherOf3]

I have been fighting my son's maternal family (first the grandparents, and now the mother) for over a year and next week we have what is supposed to be our final trial. My son's mother abandoned him last year and the grandparents received an emergency order for temporary custody. The mother remained out of the picture, risking a default judgement because she refused to answer my petition. She finally did, but it was 30 days late and the judge allowed it. She is on probation for cocaine and has been in and out of jail 8 times in the last 2 years.

In June we were to have our trial against the grandparents for custody, we showed up and they withdrew their petition for custody. I knew I would have won that case, all this is in FL and it is the worst state for grandparent's rights. My son's mother had just gotten out of jail the day before and was making her first appearance before the judge on this, the trial day. The judge listened to my attorney talk about how the mother had tested positive for cocaine and violated her probation and was sent to jail. So, the judge sent the mother for a drug test that day. Lo and behold, the test came back negative, as one can expect after spending 30 days in jail. Because we could not prove she was ON DRUGS THAT DAY the judge gave our son back to his mother.

To keep up appearances, my son's mother moved back into the maternal grandparents home and by everything I can see has been clean since June. She has moved out though and took our son with her, but then brought him back but she did not move back in. Even though I have a PI we have not been able to get definitive proof of this recent event. I have court-ordered visitation as well as telephone contact (I had to fight for both, if she had her way I'd never see our son). Since she seemed to be doing so well, we agreed on a joint custody plan with her retaining physical custody and I paid for us both to go to a mediator to make it official. She showed up 20 minutes late for the appointment, I spent 40 minutes reading each part of the proposed plan (already agreed to verbally and a standard-issue plan in FL), my entire presentation was on the best interests of our son, as it should be. That is and has always been my focus. She spent 5 minutes speaking about HER needs and what SHE wants, more child support, etc, nothing about our son! She shocked both me and the mediator by saying her offer is supervised visitation (supervised by her and her boyfriend) until our son is 15!!! I would never agree to that, it is less than I had already gotten a judge to order! The mediator could not get her to budge and told her she had a snowball's chance in hell of getting a judge to order what she wanted.

My problem is, the trial against her is next week. I'm struggling with a couple of issues here. One is that the focus of this case has changed. We went from me requesting sole custody to presenting joint custody. Another issue is the judge. She is very pro-mother (why else would she give someone custody less than 24 hours after they get out of jail?) and my attorney has had a hard time getting her to look at the hundreds of photos and several video's we have of my happy, smiling son. These photos and videos counter the mother's assertion that my son doesn't know me and is afraid of me and my family. She refuses to see things that prove her wrong. Does anyone have any suggestions? Do I present the joint custody plan and tell the judge this is what I want now instead of full custody?

Confused, depressed, beat down, and angry Dad

[DecentDad]

How old is the child?

How much time, exactly, have you spent with him, and for how long has that schedule been in place?

Your problem is that mom has had primary custody since June.  The burden is on you -- with clear and convincing evidence-- that such arrangement is not best for your son.  It doesn't matter what kind of stellar parent you are.  You need to convince the court that the child's welfare and/or stability are threatened by being with the mother.

I think you'd want a custody evaluator to look at the homes if everything you say is true.  8 times in jail within 2 years is serious... such a parent cannot offer stability to a child.

If your attorney has a good reason to continue the trial (e.g., make a case that the mother's history is fraught with instability, and the court needs assistance in determining if that is still a threat to the child), then that buys you some time.

If you have a custody evaluator's report saying something to the court, and the court ignores it, you'd have a much better chance at appealing it than if the judge looks at your evidence and then just announces her decision.

What are your skeletons?  Any past drugs, violence, partying, crimes, etc?

DD

[TGB]

Document! Document! Document!!!

Get copies of the mother's court records, http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/records.htm While you are there, check and see if there are any juvenile court records on your son.

Get Copies of your son's School and Medical Records, http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/access.htm  Make sure you specifically ask for attendance records, disciplinary records, and nurse's records, or they will just give you the report cards.

Document everything that the mother or grandparents say, do, or don't do that they should have done. See "Tips on Keeping Documentation" at http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips1.htm

See:

Tips for Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

You Don't Have To Prove PAS
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/provepas.htm

Parental Alienation Information Archive
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm

The Articles page
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.htm

FAQ
http://www.deltabravo.net/faq

[CaringFatherOf3]

Our son just turned 6. I had somewhat regular contact with him before I moved out of state with my daughter from a previous relationship (I have sole custody) and my current wife. I say somewhat regular contact because I saw him only when his mother needed money. I had hired an attorney one month prior to the mother abandoning him because I had had enough of my requests for visits being denied and I was ready to take her to court. Once I got the court to order visitation my family and I have been traveling once a month to see him (at a tremendous cost I might add, but it is worth it) and I speak to him on the phone 3 times a week. I have a proposed plan that would alternate holidays and I would have him every summer, plus weekend visits on the months there are no holidays. I am only willing to agree to a joint custody and visitation plan IF our son is actually residing with his mother and not his grandparents.

Unfortunately, until the mother violates her probation again (and I really do hope she has kicked her bad habits, both for her sake and our son) I will not be able prove anything. All the judge wants to see is what is happening right now, this day, and doesn't want to hear about anything in the past. I guess the past must not be a very good indicator of what can happen in the future. I have no skeletons in my closet, no run-ins with the law, etc. This whole thing has gotten downright ugly, I've even been threatened by my son's uncle, who spent 8 years in the military and is now an officer with the city police department. I guess what I'm saying is that I have too slim of a chance right now of getting sole custody so I guess I will focus on joint custody to get my foot in the door so to speak. It should give me more rights than I have anyway.

As for documentation, I have 2 years info in the parenting time tracker I downloaded off this website and my attorney is using that as evidence in the trial. I also have the uncle on tape threatening me and using his title to try and scare me into dropping this whole thing, and I had the good sense to secure his permission to tape before the conversation started. I get to use that at the trial too since FL is a two party state. I also have case files and arrest reports from every time the mother was arrested and even have reports on her new live-in boyfriend, a guy who is still married to his 3rd wife, his year anniversary would have been August 2004.

If I do end up getting the joint custody and visitation I will be requesting at trial, I don't expect this family to follow the judge's orders. I have already been denied 6 telephone conversations with my son in spite of a court order and I see her family members around town at odd times when I go there for visits. What can I expect to have to do to enforce the order, and how often should you take someone to court for not following it? Every time they violate it or do you let it build up and take it all to the judge? I don't have any of these problems with my daughter, her mother just plain doesn't want anything to do with her. Am I doing everything I can?

[CaringFatherOf3]

In terms of documentation, here is what I have so far:

--Copies of all case files and arrest reports on the mother.

--2 years of info on the parenting time tracker. I have detailed everything, including phone calls.

--Photographs and videos of our time spent together.

--Taped conversation in which my son's uncle threatened me. I had his permission to tape, so it is admissible in court. I actually taped all conversations, even the ones with my son (because of the PAS that I saw going on), but I didn't know I had to get their permission first and I can't use them.

--2 3" 3-ring binders filled with documents, papers, etc. I've done timelines and kept meticulous notes. Including the times I've picked up my son and he wasn't in a car seat. Indeed, he sits in the front seat and his feet are nowhere near able to touch the floor, they still stick out in front of him. Also there was the time he had blisters all over from a 2nd degree sunburn, the mother didn't think to put sunscreen on him.

I will say though, since the mother came back into the picture, the symptons of PAS have disappeared. This confirms what my son would tell me, "My grandma says you're a piece of crap", and "Why doesn't grandma and grandpa like you?" and "My grandma says you need to go away and leave me alone." I was able to easily determine that while the whole family consists of alienators, only the grandma is an obsessed alienator.

Thanks for the responses, I'm using all the advice for the trial and to try and stay sane!