At war....home and abroad.

[twalk1216]

Greetings Socrateaser,

      I want to thank you for having the time to assist with all concerned parents and their issues.
     
      My issue is clear cut and dry. I was divorce in april '04 after being legally separated for 8 years, divorce proceedings(in Baltimore) happened while I was in Iraq(prior military). I have talked to attorneys before about the possibilities of custody of my two children(13,11) and they told me that I wouldn't have a chance. The simple fact is that I was single (up until Jan. '05) and with the war in Iraq, the possibilities of  deployment are high and  the relocation of the children would be an issue. Now that I have gotten out, I wish to challenge my ex for custody of our children.
       
     My children have told me repeatedly that they want to come to live with me. The only stipualtion is that I live in Washington state. In our divorce decree we have joint custody, with her being the custodial parent, visiting this christmas was an agreement that was made, that is ,up until the 19th of Dec. which now she doesn't want to do. Also with the child support set, she doesn't work(hasn't for all her adult life, and she's 30.) So I had to pay for the Tickets plus pay child support for the month. She told me that I need to send the childrens' Xmas gifts so they can have a "Xmas". I refuse to do this cause in recent years she has a habit of pawning things. For times of visitation, I meet the children in clothing that I didn't buy them(not that I'm the only one that does, perhaps it seems that way).  My daughter tells me that she sells them of gives them away. For years she has held the children over my head and now this incident has caused me to become very assertive in pursuit of my children....have any advice to help me end this nightmare?????

thanks again.......twalk1216

[socrateaser]

>have any advice to help me end this nightmare?????

Change in custody requires clear and convincing proof of a change in circumstances affecting the child(ren)'s best interests. This is viewed from the perspective of what has changed in the CHILDREN'S lives, and not in the parents'.

Your discharge from active service does not change the children's lives. Their lives continue unchanged, whether you're doing military duty, or not. Thus, there is NO changed circumstances, and therefore, a motion to modify custody in your favor will be denied.

The only way around this is if the kids are mature enough to state their preference of where they want to reside. If the jurisdiction for custody is GA, then a 13 year old can sign an affidavit stating that he/she wants to live with the other parent, and the court is legally obligated to order it -- period.

In any other jurisdiction, the court will consider the age and maturity of the kids and the court will want to hear expert testimony from a psychologist who is reasonably certain that the children are not being manipulated to want to move. Kids, younger than around 15 are simply not capable of standing up for what they want, and they will do whatever the parent who they're talking with at the time wants, because they are afraid of rejection. So, you're not gonna get any mileage from a 13 and 11 year old child's testimony, without an expert to back it up.

Bottom line, very expensive case to try, and your probability of success is about the same as a lone infantry soldier vs. a thermonuclear device.

Establish a good relationship with your kids, and maybe if you're lucky, when they reach 15 years or so, they'll want to move, and you'll have a shot. Until then -- huge waste of time and money.

[twalk1216]

Socrateaser,

 Thank you for your advice......the comparison of the lonely infantry soldier and the nuclear device is spot on!

  Well since you've enlightened me with the statement of the age and maturtity of the children, Baltimore has an age of 10-12 for preference. I am asking now, what would the next step in moving forward in this tasking?

thanks again......tw1216

[MixedBag]

when he said:

In any other jurisdiction, the court will consider the age and maturity of the kids and the court will want to hear expert testimony from a psychologist who is reasonably certain that the children are not being manipulated to want to move. Kids, younger than around 15 are simply not capable of standing up for what they want, and they will do whatever the parent who they're talking with at the time wants, because they are afraid of rejection. So, you're not gonna get any mileage from a 13 and 11 year old child's testimony, without an expert to back it up.

[twalk1216]

>when he said:
>
>>So you're not gonna get any mileage from
>a 13 and 11 year old child's testimony, without an expert to
>back it up.
>
greetings mixedbag,

     I understand what was said. My question is simply "HOW" do I go about motioning for the expert eval. and such? Like I said before I am in a different state from where my children reside. Also the city of Baltimore(where they reside) it says that its 10-12 years of age with an expert eval. I don't want to go to "war" again, without finding and filling all the loop holes. On another thread, I read about a "730 Evaluation"   . Is that also an option? These are just some questions I have. PROTOCOL is key. I know you know what I mean mixed bag...

twalk1216  

[socrateaser]

>Socrateaser,
>
> Thank you for your advice......the comparison of the lonely
>infantry soldier and the nuclear device is spot on!
>
>  Well since you've enlightened me with the statement of the
>age and maturtity of the children, Baltimore has an age of
>10-12 for preference. I am asking now, what would the next
>step in moving forward in this tasking?
>
>thanks again......tw1216

I don't know the specifics of Maryland law, but in order to get an expert involved, you need to have joint legal custody rights so you can take the kids to an expert and have them evaluated without the other parent's permission. And, of course, you will need a fairly consistent amount of parenting time available during the week, because psychologists rarely work on weekends.

This may seem like a silly problem, but sometimes a practical matter like a consistent string of appointments, when you're the non-custodial parent is an impossible hurdle. The only other way to achieve this end is to demonstrate that change in circumstances in advance, and then get the court to order the eval. Based on your facts, I view this as impossible. You need some serious problem, like mom on drugs or kids on drugs, etc., to get the court to take notice. Otherwise, the court will enforce the status quo, which is you with limited visitation.

My advice is that you wait until the older child is 15 to start this battle, because you can just bring him/her into court and let the judge hear the testimony. But, 13 is just too young, in my humble opinion for most courts to take the kids seriously, regardless of what you are hearing in your neck of the woods.

A 730 eval, is a CA specific custody evaluation, which once again doesn't happen until there's some substantial (clear and convincing) change in circumstances.