Visitation issues

[kevkermit]

Kids are 16 and 15.

NCP doesn't want the children to participate in anything including football and basketball.  School dances, you name it if it falls during his parenting time.  

Tried to work out a change for court order but the only change he is agreeing with is if the order specifies that both parties must agree upon extracurriculars in order for them to participate.

It is getting to a point where the children are going to down right refuse to visit because the ncp will not allow them to do any of the extracurriculars that they want to particpate in.

Even included in our discussion that 16 yr old is interested in working part time job and the ncp is not willing to take children to work if they have to work during his time that he would rather give up his parenting time and request make up time than take son to work.  I thought this was part of parenting.

1.  If children down right refuse to visit is it likely CP will be held in contempt (children are 16 and 15)

2.  If taken to court and can prove thorugh letters than ncp has refused to allow chidlren to participate in football and basketball and other activities or given me a very hard time over them.  Is it likely that the court will order the ncp to be responsible for taking the chidren to their activities during his parenting time?

3.  Regarding part time job, is it likely a court would order the ncp to be resonsible to get our son to his part time job duirng his parenting time or just allow him to miss his visits because of hsi job and get make up time?

Thanks

[socrateaser]

>1.  If children down right refuse to visit is it likely CP
>will be held in contempt (children are 16 and 15)

Have children write NCP a letter telling of their wishes and asking for help in fullfilling same.

No, if the kids absolutely refuse to go, CP can't force them. However, I would seek a clarification order from the court instructing the parties as to how to handle the various issues that are now arising.

>
>2.  If taken to court and can prove thorugh letters than ncp
>has refused to allow chidlren to participate in football and
>basketball and other activities or given me a very hard time
>over them.  Is it likely that the court will order the ncp to
>be responsible for taking the chidren to their activities
>during his parenting time?


You should preempt the question by asking the court yourself.

>
>3.  Regarding part time job, is it likely a court would order
>the ncp to be resonsible to get our son to his part time job
>duirng his parenting time or just allow him to miss his visits
>because of hsi job and get make up time?


Yes.

[kevkermit]

16 yr old wrote this:

I would like the parenting plan to stay the same except a few minor things.  I would like to be allowed to participate in after school activiites and sports without a fight between mom and dad and myself.  I would also like to be able to have a part time job that my father cannot stop me from going to.  The third and final thing that I would like to see is that I would like to visit my father at my grandma and granpa's house.

One reason I would like to see these changes is that when I am at my fathers house my sister and I experience alot of verbal abuse and also the degration of our family schools and town.  My fathers family in the house we stay in treat us like they don't even want us in their home.  My sister is called names such as stupid, dum and fat, mean thief and other names related to her body and her behavior.  They tease me because I weight more than my father.  They say how our schools are the worst around and that our teachers and principals should be fired because they aren't smart enough or strict enough.  They really make me mad because they degrate my family and say things about my granparents on moms side and say mean things about my mom.  I would like to choose the days that I see my father with the changes that I have listed above.

Have a similar letter from daughter 15 yr old.

1.  Would this have any bearing in court?  

2.  Any suggestions as to what to do with this letter?

[socrateaser]

>16 yr old wrote this:
>
>I would like the parenting plan to stay the same except a few
>minor things.  I would like to be allowed to participate in
>after school activiites and sports without a fight between mom
>and dad and myself.  I would also like to be able to have a
>part time job that my father cannot stop me from going to.
>The third and final thing that I would like to see is that I
>would like to visit my father at my grandma and granpa's
>house.
>
>One reason I would like to see these changes is that when I am
>at my fathers house my sister and I experience alot of verbal
>abuse and also the degration of our family schools and town.
>My fathers family in the house we stay in treat us like they
>don't even want us in their home.  My sister is called names
>such as stupid, dum and fat, mean thief and other names
>related to her body and her behavior.  They tease me because I
>weight more than my father.  They say how our schools are the
>worst around and that our teachers and principals should be
>fired because they aren't smart enough or strict enough.  They
>really make me mad because they degrate my family and say
>things about my granparents on moms side and say mean things
>about my mom.  I would like to choose the days that I see my
>father with the changes that I have listed above.
>
>Have a similar letter from daughter 15 yr old.
>
>1.  Would this have any bearing in court?  

It's interesting that the first paragraph says what the kid wants, and the second tells the world what's really going on, and it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with what the kid wants.

The kid and both parents should be in counseling. Obviously, there's lots of the blame game going on, and I suspect that similar things happen in both households.

Also, if there's an issue about obesity, maybe that should get some serious attention. My reading is that the child would not be raising the issue of weight unless it was a real concern.

>2.  Any suggestions as to what to do with this letter?

I think the letter is an open invitation to start a war. It's really a tough call. You may actually be better asking the judge to order counseling in an effort to come to grips with some of the issues. If you try to directly handle this with the other parent, it will probably end up in a shouting match.