Increased summer visitation prior to trial

[dadinva2006]

Hello, I am currently in a custody battle for for 4 year old daughter. I am her father. Our hearing is not until October. My daughter was taken from me by her mother in January 2006 when her mother moved from VA to MD and I was refused all contact with her. I live in VA and this is where my daughter lived her whole life.

I went to court and got and got temporary visitation, but unfortunatly I was only awarded every other weekend. My daughter went from being at my house almost every single day for her entire life to now only being able to see me every other weekend.

Here is a little background on my story:

My daughter is 4.

My daughter's mother and I were never married, we had been dating since our teens. Once my daughter was born her mother was quick to resume her partying lifestyle. I was always there for my daughter. We broke up when she was 18 months old at which point she moved to her mothers house in MD and refused to let me spend time with my daughter for two months.

After two months, she moved back to VA and she came to my home and dropped my daughter off and said "here you deal with her now". My daughter lived with me for six months and her mom would come visit her at my house every once in awhile. At this point I told her mother I was going to take her to court for custody and she quickly began spending more time with our daughter.

We worked out a verbal agreement in which we would have our daughter equally. This didn't last because she quickly began calling me on her scheduled days to take care of our daughter because she wanted to go out. I have always been there for my daughter and put her first.

I got married about a year ago and I now have a son. My daughter's mom (BM) never used to have a problem with my wife being with our daughter, in fact she frequently would call her when I was at work and ask her to watch her daughter. Me and my wife were the ones who always picked herup from the babysitter.

When my wife went on maternity leave last year she also began watching my daughter every day. So my daughter was at my house almost every single day. When it was her mom's scheduled day she would pick her up around 8:00pm.

Well out of nowhere in January BM said she was moving to MD (45 minutes away). We had a verbal agreement to switch off week by week so we could each spend equal time with our daughter, well once she got my daughter she called me and told me she and her mother had decided to enroll my daughter into a russian preschool (they are russian) and I could now only see my daughter on the weekends.

I decided at that time I would file for custody because I refused to be a weekend visitor in my child's life. Well the first weekend came around and she called on Friday and told me I needed to give her my daughter's social security card and birth certificate and i told her I would gladly make her copies or fax them where ever she needed them to go, but I would not give her the originals (my lawyer advised me not to).

From this point on she refused to let me see my daughter at all. I would drive to Maryland every week trying to see my daughter. I took quick action and filed for temp. visitation. We got a trial date two months later and I was given every other weekend.

BM refuses to provide me with any information what so ever regarding my daughter, she will not tell me where her daycare is, when her doctors appts. are or anything. She won't even allow my daughter to speak with me in the phone.

It is really wrong and hurtful what she is doing to my daughter. How can someone put a child through this just because of their own anger. She is hurting my daughter so much. My daughter crys when she has to go back with her mom every time. My daughter went from seeing me almost every single day to not being able to see me hardly at all. I believe one of the reasons she is doing this is simply jealousy over the fact that I am married and have another child.

I have filed for primary physical and joint legal custody. As much as BM has put me through, if I do win, and if BM decides to move back to VA I would be willing to work out a 50/50 arrangement with her, because my daughter deserves that and I will not let my own anger get in the way as she has.

Questions:

1. I am filing a motion for increased summer visitation since our trial isn't until Oct. I am asking for every other week (all 7 days) during the summer. Does this sound like something the judge would agree to? BM is going to try to saythat since daughter is in preschool in MD she can't come to my house during the week.

2. BM is using medicaid for my daughter's insurance, but my daughter has been covered under my new jobs insurance for over a year and it is excellent. I have asked her to please stop using medicaid and to use my insurance but she refuses. I do not want to end up getting in trouble with the state for this and having to reimburse. Should I call medicaid myself and notify them them my daughter no has other insurance?

3. BM refuse to tell me ANYTHING about my daughter. She does not inform me of any medical appts. or sicknesses. My daughter even got a neurology referral recently which I was not made aware of. Is withholding all this information something that will be bad for her in court?

4. BM will never let me talk to my daughter. She doesn't pick up when I call and doesn't have my daughter call me. Is phone contact something I can ask for at the summer visitation hearing?

Thank you

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>1. I am filing a motion for increased summer visitation since
>our trial isn't until Oct. I am asking for every other week
>(all 7 days) during the summer. Does this sound like something
>the judge would agree to? BM is going to try to saythat since
>daughter is in preschool in MD she can't come to my house
>during the week.

You should have argued that at the first hearing. I think your motion will be denied unless you allege some change in circumstances since the first hearing that affects the child's best interests.

>2. BM is using medicaid for my daughter's insurance, but my
>daughter has been covered under my new jobs insurance for over
>a year and it is excellent. I have asked her to please stop
>using medicaid and to use my insurance but she refuses. I do
>not want to end up getting in trouble with the state for this
>and having to reimburse. Should I call medicaid myself and
>notify them them my daughter no has other insurance?

This is something that you can put in a motion, and request that the court order her to use your insurance. Send her a letter and ask if she has assigned any of her support rights to obtain medicaid benefits. If so, then you could be on the hook, assuming that MD could get personal jurisdiction over you to sue you for the reimbursement, which as long as you're not served in MD, and you don't accidently submit to MD jurisdiction (a subject for discussion in the event that MD actually takes any legal action to recover), they can't.
>
>3. BM refuse to tell me ANYTHING about my daughter. She does
>not inform me of any medical appts. or sicknesses. My daughter
>even got a neurology referral recently which I was not made
>aware of. Is withholding all this information something that
>will be bad for her in court?

Not unless your temporary orders state that she is obligated to inform you. If so, then that's contempt and you can file a motion for sanctions now. Otherwise, you have no right to any information, until your custody rights are established.

>4. BM will never let me talk to my daughter. She doesn't pick
>up when I call and doesn't have my daughter call me. Is phone
>contact something I can ask for at the summer visitation
>hearing?

If your temporary orders granted you telephone contact and you are not being permitted any, then this would be a change in circumstances affecting the child's best interests and could give you grounds for both a contempt order as well as additional summer parenting time. If the orders did not grant you telephone contact, then you could argue in a clarification motion that contact was being freely provided at the time of the first order and that the mother has now altered the status quo and that this is changed circumstances so an express order for telephone contact should be made.

PS. In your post, you comment that it is "really wrong and hurtful" and you woner how someone can do these things to the child. You must stop thinking about this as being about right or wrong, because courts don't deal in that manner. Courts deal with what is lawful and what is not, and frequently what is lawful or unlawful may not be what you think is right or wrong. Maintaining a "right" v. "wrong" mental state clouds your thinking and makes it difficult to raise legal arguments that you can win. So, stop doing it. Life ain't fair, and that's just the way it is.

You say that your child cries whenever she must leave you. You should be getting these moments on video, and that includes the part where your physically handing the child to the mother or where the mother is forcing the child to get into the car. This is very powerful evidence of a bond between you and the child and it will go farther than anything else in getting the court to award you more parenting time than it might otherwise do.

Without this sort of evidence, you will probably receive no more than what you are currently receiving, so you need to start gathering useful evidence or you will be very unhappy with the final outcome of your case.

[dadinva2006]

1. You don't think it would be a bad idea to be filming my daughter while she was so upset? I don't see a judge liking the idea of having a camera in a screaming child's face. This sounds pretty insensitive. What do you think? Should I also video tape when I pick her up how happy she is?

2. I was not really able to argue anything at the first pendente lite hearing because BM did not show up to tell her side of the story. That is why I was only given every other weekend. Even parents who have been through a custody trial and lost still usually get increased time with child in summer. Since we have no parenting plan yet why would a judge not at least allow me to take her on vacation for a few weeks?

[socrateaser]

>1. You don't think it would be a bad idea to be filming my
>daughter while she was so upset? I don't see a judge liking
>the idea of having a camera in a screaming child's face. This
>sounds pretty insensitive. What do you think? Should I also
>video tape when I pick her up how happy she is?

Where did I suggest that you stick a video camera in a child's face? I suggest that you record the the transition from a happy child to an unhappy one, so the judge can see the effect of the child's leaving your care. If you want to show happy videos that would be great, too.

The point is that your video shouldn't be staged. It should just record the events as they occur -- unedited. Then you can mark the spots you wish to show for the court and let the other party have a copy of the entire video to try and rebut any of your comments.

I was trying to provide you with a relatively inexpensive means of collecting evidence. The more typical method is to have your interactions with the child evaluated by a child psychologist and then have that person testify/report as to his/her opinion of your relationship and your abilities as a parent.

You are generally fighting a losing battle when it comes to a very young child and a mother, unless you can show that the mother affirmatively acts against the child in some very meaningful way (drugs, abuse, etc.).

But, you may be able to marginally increase your parenting time if you show a very strong bond between yourself and the child, and you may also be able to make it much more difficult for the mother to later allege that you never had any interest in the child, etc., should your relationship with her deteriorate further and you be forced back to court after your final custody ruling is made.

Believe me, if you think that once October passes that things will settle down and live will be great, well, I believe that the other posters who have been here for years, can tell you that until the child is an adult, the battles will likely continue.  

>2. I was not really able to argue anything at the first
>pendente lite hearing because BM did not show up to tell her
>side of the story. That is why I was only given every other
>weekend. Even parents who have been through a custody trial
>and lost still usually get increased time with child in
>summer. Since we have no parenting plan yet why would a judge
>not at least allow me to take her on vacation for a few
>weeks?

You have a parenting plan: every other weekend. Furthermore, you have the right to argue in your interest regardless of the other party's lack of attendance, so if the judge shut you down, it's either because you didn't have anything to say in terms of a legal argument, or because the judge took advantage of your naivity re court and due process and brushed you aside in favor of speeding up the court calendar.

That first hearing was your opportunity to argue for whatever you wanted and a temporary order was made. To get another hearing you must show that something has changed IN THE CHILD'S LIFE, since the last hearing or the court will refuse to hear your motion.

I've given you some ideas of things that you could try to argue and prove have changed or were not reasonably foreseeable when the temporary orders were made. Now you have to figure out how to make a legal argument that a judge will be convinced to grant more time to you.

Or, you can hire an attorney to do this for you. But, if you're gonna represent yourself, then you must learn to do what a lawyer does, or the court will continue to brush you aside and you will keep losing and not know why it's occurring.

Sit down, and write down what you can prove with objective evidence that will show that something has changed which was not reasonable foreseeable in advance at the last hearing. Then look at the evidence and the argument and pretend that you're the judge and that you don't know anything about the parties standing before you, and then ask yourself what you would decide.

Better still, give your argument to someone else, who's disinterested (like me), and see what they say. You have to learn that this entire business is just that -- business. The legal system is not all squishy and filled with love. It's about money and power, no matter how everyone tries to obscure this.

So, you need hard, objective evidence that satisfies the requirements to get a favorable decision, or the court will simply err on the side of caution and maintain the status quo -- which at this moment, is only...

(and believe me, I feel your pain, more than you can possibly imagine)

...every other weekend.

[dadinva2006]

1. So should I have someone (like my wife) sit in the car and videotape what happens at the exchange?

2. Would the fcat that my daughter has recently begun to suffer from night terrors have any effect in proving how her being kept away from me (the parent who raised her) is effecting her?
I would like to get her in to see a child psychologist to help her deal with this, but having her every other weekend it is impossible.

I do have an attorney, had one since this all started.

Thanks

[socrateaser]

>1. So should I have someone (like my wife) sit in the car and
>videotape what happens at the exchange?

That will work. As long as you are in a public place there is no reasonable expectation of privacy and the video should be legal. However, as you apparently have an attorney, I strongly recommend that you run this strategy by him/her before doing it, just in case there is some case law or statute in your jurisdiction that might make your video inadmissible later.

>2. Would the fcat that my daughter has recently begun to
>suffer from night terrors have any effect in proving how her
>being kept away from me (the parent who raised her) is
>effecting her?

The fact would be very important, but proving it without a therapist reporting it will be near impossible. Even if you get the child on video talking about it, without a professional therapist involved, your opponent will argue that the child was coerced into saying things that weren't actually true, and the court may just refuse to consider the video as evidence.

So, again, the fact is good -- the proof may be difficult to come by.

>I would like to get her in to see a child psychologist to help
>her deal with this, but having her every other weekend it is
>impossible.

I understand. You'll need to get your attorney to move for counseling. Hopefully, the court has ordered an evaluation of both parents interacting with the child, which will cause a professional to be involved. However, if you see a serious deterioration in the child's mental state then you should tell your attorney and see if you can get a court psych eval. The report could help you improve your position re increased custody.