Court Ordered counseling

[backwardsbike]

All parties in PA.  I am NCM.  We have been divorced for 8 years and have had many trips to court.  CP refuses to keep me infomed of anything at all to do with the children.

This past Feb. I filed for a modification of custody.  CP wanted the kids, ages 17 and 13 to speak with the judge.  Prior to seeeing the judge my son told me he would be telling the judge exactly what his dad said to tell him becasue he knew that no matter what I would always love him.

After speaking with the kids the judge told both attorneys he would not be changing the order based on what the kids said which was that they didn't want any changes.  i wanted more time with them CP wanted them to be able to choose when and if they came to my home.  This would have resulted in much less time as Cp controls the children.

I requested that the judge order CP adn i to co parenting counsleing.  We don't really have anyhting like that here but I knew of several good counsleors who deal with family conflict.  Judge granted my request.

CP objected vigorously to this becasue he claimed, in front of the judge, that he could not possible sit in a room with me as he hates me so much and that I lie to custody evlauators.  Please note:  He has custody of the children!

It took my lawyer til April to get X to go to a counseling appointment.  The counselor agreed that we would meet with her individually "for a while" before starting joint sessions.

X will only meet one time per month and so far, other than the intake we haven't met in the same room again.  The counsleor hasn't discussed anyhting with me other than the fact that she would like me to drop a petition for contmept that i have on the table against my X.

The counselor has discussed this four times.  Each time she has put more pressure on me to drop my motion.  I have explained that I am continuig to see the exact same behavior from my X with no more communication or cooperation since before we started the counseling.

According to the counselor, she fears that if we go before the judge he will think the counseling is not working.  I have to say, from where I sit, it isn't working.

Additonally, X refused to sign a release of information for the courts. I signed one.  I requested we bring the children into the counseling becasue they tell me one thing and X somehting else.  he refused to allow it.

The counselor has been emailing the children and lied to me about this.  I know of at least one email my DD supposedly wrote to the counselor which I suspect was written by an adult due to the grammar, content and spelling.  

Emailing the children makes me feel as thought they are in the counseling but not really in it  because they cannot be confronted on their double talk which I see as a big part of the problem.

Questions:

Can the counselor write a report to the court since my X hasn't signed a release of information?

What can I do about the fact that the counsleor lied to me about communicating with my children?

Would it be any benefit to bring to the judge's attention the fact that X will not allow the kids to be in the counsleing but has them emailing the counselor?

DO you think that it will work to my benefit that I signed a realease but X did not?

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>Can the counselor write a report to the court since my X
>hasn't signed a release of information?

No, the counselor has a duty of confidentiality to the other parent, that can only be pierced by court order or consent. Had this counselor originally been retained for the purpose of litigation, then she could have testified/reported to the court. But, you asked for counseling, not an evaluation to the court, and that's what you're getting.

>What can I do about the fact that the counsleor lied to me
>about communicating with my children?

Lying is not a crime, unless it's under oath. You can try to retain a diffierent counselor, but as the other parent has been completely unwilling to cooperate, this will give him a new opportunity to stall.

>Would it be any benefit to bring to the judge's attention the
>fact that X will not allow the kids to be in the counsleing
>but has them emailing the counselor?

I think that's interesting, but only as proof that the other parent has a propensity to try to manipulate the kids against you. It won't get the court to order you to a different counselor, and your raising the issue after requesting counseling would suggest to the court that you are attempting to manipulate the counseling evidence, because you're not getting the outcome that you've hoped for.

>DO you think that it will work to my benefit that I signed a
>realease but X did not?

As long as the other parent has only visited the counselor privately, he has a privilege under the law of evidence to keep the counseling information undisclosed. Unless the counselor believes that the other parent is abusing the children, she has a duty of confidentiality and breach of this is malpractice. So, while the court could infer that the silence is a cover up, the court won't infer that it's a cover up of abuse, because if it were, then the counselor would be obligated to report to the authorities.

I think you need to try to work with this counselor, but if the object was to have co-parenting and the other parent won't join in, then it's a waste of time and money.

I also think that you're wasting your resources in general. It's really none of the counselor's business as to whether a contempt motion is pending, but I understand her desire to clear the air of any hostile actions. Nevertheless, it's unrealistic for you to back away from any leverage that you have.

Unfortunately, you're in a no-win situtation. The other parent has control of the kids and knows how to maintain it. You've been fighting this situation for a long time and getting nowhere.

The only way that you will get any more time with your kids is to convince your kids to want to spend more time with you. Everything else is a waste of time. And, if you cannot convince them, then my suggestion is that you just move on with your life, because you are killing yourself for no good reason. It's admirable to want to be a positive influence in your children's lives, but at some point you have to ask yourself whether you're fighting for your kids health, or fighting to prove to the other parent that you can beat him into submission.

I don't know the answer to this question. But you do, and I suggest that you work with the counselor to answer it. The co-parenting will go nowhere, so if you're going to pay for counseling, you may as well try to get something useful from it.