To play the same game or not?

[mango]

Soc,

This is so petty, but I am curious what you have to say about it.

OHIO. We have had the same 50/50 shared parenting plan for over 4 years, two other shared plans previous. Recently the BM tried to dissolve this plan and requested sole, and the case was dropped by GAL. BM intends on taking us back to court, (in hopes for a new GAL) at least as she has stated verbally. (But I don't think she has any valid reasons to do so.) SD is age 12.

We have a split summer schedule and rotate weekend during the summer. We have the first half which ends this week. Typically throughout the plan all the exchanges are done afterschool etc. So there is not too many direct exchanges for Holidays or visitations, but since this is the summer there are some. So far over the past several years, the parent exercising the visit has always done the pick-up and returns for the stipulated times in the plan, but the actual transportation is not spelled out in the plan, it only lists the times of the Holidays & visits.

However, this summer the BM had the 4th of July holiday during our half. She picked up her daughter and after the visit ended the next day she did not return her. My DH had to call and go get her, as the BM had left for work and his daughter was home alone. That night the BM called SD at our house, and asked her if there "Was there any 'grumbling' from your dad over the pick-up?" So obviously she was doing this on purpose. It was not an innocent "i forgot". We believe this is intentional to aggrivate us.

This weekend was another weekend visit from BM, and she again, did not return her this morning for the end of the visit at 7:30, as written. So, DH drove to get her. Again BM not home just SD.

My Q's:

1.) Is there a "standard" assumption (unwritten rule) when a parent exercises a visit that they are responsible to pick-up and return them after the visit at the set time to the CP home?

If so, is she in contempt?

2.) The summer switch is this week and it will become BM's half now, and we get the "visits". We get our first weekend on July 21st to 24th on her half/this coming weekend. Should he do the same thing and only pick her up for his weekend, and not worry about the return? Assume that she is picking her up?

If he does this, does that give her ammo to take him back to court, and try to make him appear as the "uncooperative" parent or something?

3.) What do you suggest is the appropriate action to take to this nonsense? As he does not want to be the one stuck doing "all" the driving, as it is 40 minutes between homes.


Thanks Soc.

[socrateaser]

>My Q's:
>
>1.) Is there a "standard" assumption (unwritten rule) when a
>parent exercises a visit that they are responsible to pick-up
>and return them after the visit at the set time to the CP
>home?

No rule for a split parenting order. For visitation, it's generally up to the visiting parent to provide transportation, absent express court orders.

>
>If so, is she in contempt?

No.

>
>2.) The summer switch is this week and it will become BM's
>half now, and we get the "visits". We get our first weekend on
>July 21st to 24th on her half/this coming weekend. Should he
>do the same thing and only pick her up for his weekend, and
>not worry about the return? Assume that she is picking her
>up?

You could, but it's not good for the child, in my opinion.

>If he does this, does that give her ammo to take him back to
>court, and try to make him appear as the "uncooperative"
>parent or something?

Yes.

>
>3.) What do you suggest is the appropriate action to take to
>this nonsense? As he does not want to be the one stuck doing
>"all" the driving, as it is 40 minutes between homes.

So, it's a substantial expense? OK, send the other parent a certified letter stating that you would like to reach an amcable settlement on the issue of transportation costs, incident to exchange of parenting. Propose whatever you want. Make sure that the letter displays the certified mail number so you can prove later that she actually signed for the letter that you sent.

State that if you don't receive a negative response by ??/??/???? (10 days) that you will assume that she agrees. Then, if you act according to this contract, and expend money in reliance (keep receipts, like get a soda at a market close by her house every time you pick up), then she will either be held to have adopted the contract by silence and permitted you to detrimentally rely on the promise implied by her silence, or you can argue that she has received an unjust benefit at your expense, i.e., you are doing all the pick ups and drop offs, and a small claims court will give you a judgment against her.

If you want to avoid all of this legal mumbo jumbo, then file a motion for clarification now, on grounds that the other parent is not equally sharing the burden of transport, and it is in the best interests of the child that the court clarify the rights and responsibilities of each party before the matter causes anamosity between the parents.