CP lying about medical issues

[krissy2356]

I have posted prior to this, but I'll give only the pertinent info. as it relates to my current question.

In PA--My son's mother has primary physical custody and I have partial physical custody. We share legal custody. Because of constant disruptions to the schedule and CP's attempts to alientate me from my son's life, I filed for joint physical custody in June.

Most of the issues are more disruptive than anything else....she refuses visitation if I am even 10-20 minutes which happens maybe one out of 6-7 weeks due to traffic or work issues late although I have had my wife there to pick my son up on time. She refuses to allow me to take my court ordered vacation days with my son.

She has threatened his teacher not to speak for me in court. She has told my son in my presence that he does not have to use his legal last name, but can use hers. He is 4 and doesn't know his own name. He tells me that my wife tells him to "Shut up" when I am right there and know that she said no such thing--he then says that his mother told him to say it.

She refuses to speak to me at all about my son despite my attempts to try. She has changed the Tuesday drop-off time to 15 minutes after the CO specifies to fit her schedule despite my pleas to stick to the CO because I made mine schedule based on what the CO says. She has called my office and threatened my boss and a receptionist.

The final straw came last week. My wife and I felt that my son was having trouble hearing the television and sometimes hearing us, so I attempted to speak to his mother about this as we had discussed his frequent ear infections in the early spring and she told me that she'd let me know if he had to see a doctor again.

Anyway, when I attempted to speak to her on the phone, she hung up on me, so I called his dr. myself to make an appt. The nurse told me that he already had an appt. for the following week and that he had been in last month too.  I checked the insurance claims as I cover my son and I saw that he indeed been in in June which she never told me about; I also saw that another test was ordered but it wasn't specified.

I asked CP what went on, and she told me that since I never expressed concern over my son's ears (a lie) she didn't think I'd care. She told me the last appt. was for the beginnings of an infection, which he got a prescription for that was never filled.  The other service was to have a Lyme Disease test done because of my son's "constant joint pain." (he has never complained to me of this and he's with me 2-3 nights per week) I was very upset that she never shared her suspicions that my child could have Lyme Disease, but I didn't express my anger at all.

Anyway, she told me (and this is all documented in e-mail) that the test had been done but that she hadn't yet gotten the results. I attended the Dr. appointment last Wednesday only to have her confess to the pediatrician when questioned about the Lyme test that she had never gotten the bloodwork done due to "inconvenient lab hours." Had I know this, I'd have taken him myself and I offered to do so the very next day in an e-mail.

However, in response to my e-mail, CP wrote that the bloodwork had finally been completed and that the doctor's office had given her the wrong paperwork which is why the test had to be "repeated". This made NO sense to me since she had just admitted to never having ther test done at all! Now there were TWO tests? However, I accepted her word as I felt she probably did get it done out of fear that I'd hold it against her, but I obtained the lab scripts from the office afterward just in case she was lying so I could take him myself.

This was last Friday. I called the office today to see if the results had come back. They returned my call and told me that they had called the two labs that they work with and that neither had any record of my son having any bloodwork done since last fall. Althouh he is only 4, I know my son would've rememberd having blood drawn and he had no idea what I was talking about when I asked him, so I had the bloodwork done today.

I mentioned to ther doctor also that I thought his left eye is slightly lazy when he is tired. The doctor examined his eye and agreed, recommending that we take him to an Ophthalmologist. CP snapped that she had made an appt. for him about this 3 months ago. Another lie--I called the office to check. She just made it on this past Friday at a time when she knows I cannot attend.

My question is basically how much of this will the judge consider when hearing my case for joint physical? As I said, I have e-mail documentation of the lies and at this point, I am concerned that she really is not taking care of my son and I have gone from simply annoyed to afraid that there are other things I don't know about my son's care. Even when I ask, she lies to me.

I do have a lawyer but he's on vacation at present and I am really chomping at the bit to find out what I should do. Should I file for emergency custody based on this? Should I just bide my time? Should I try and confront her over the phone or keep it all to e-mail?

Thank you much!

[socrateaser]

>I do have a lawyer but he's on vacation at present and I am
>really chomping at the bit to find out what I should do.
>Should I file for emergency custody based on this? Should I
>just bide my time? Should I try and confront her over the
>phone or keep it all to e-mail?

If you suspect lyme disease, take the kid and have his blood drawn yourself and follow up yourself. If the physician can testify that he/she ordered such a test because of concern of a serious disease, and the blood test comes back positive, then I would file for an emergency order for custody, based on the evidence that the other parent has failed to act in the child's best interests when it is clearly an convincingly necessary that she do so.

If the test comes back negative, I don't think you have much of a case.
All of your complaints are certainly valid, however, without some real injury to the child caused by the mother's failures to act, as annoying as it all is, I doubt that it amounts to enough facts worthy of a custody reversal.

Also, unless the emails are stored on a commercial mail server, like yahoo.com, where it is impossible for the recipient to alter the emails, I doubt that they will be admissible if the other parent testifies that she didn't write them, because there's simply no way to authenticate them as actually being from the other parent, absent her admission that they are hers.

[krissy2356]

"If you suspect lyme disease, take the kid and have his blood drawn yourself and follow up yourself. If the physician can testify that he/she ordered such a test because of concern of a serious disease, and the blood test comes back positive, then I would file for an emergency order for custody, based on the evidence that the other parent has failed to act in the child's best interests when it is clearly an convincingly necessary that she do so."

Right. I did take him myself to get the bloodwork done this morning when the office told me that she hadn't done it despite her numerous lies that she did. As much as I'd love to find solid evidence that will turn the custody hearing to my favor, of course I am crossing my fingers that the results are negative. If theyare not, I will fight tooth and nail to get full custody.

"Also, unless the emails are stored on a commercial mail server, like yahoo.com, where it is impossible for the recipient to alter the emails, I doubt that they will be admissible if the other parent testifies that she didn't write them, because there's simply no way to authenticate them as actually being from the other parent, absent her admission that they are hers."

All of the e-mails were sent from msn.com. I blind-copied my wife on several of the e-mails, which included the history of her responses, some of which went to her yahoo acount, some to her private work e-mail. I doubt that she would lie about having written the e-mails...and she has already lied in front of the pediatrician, but who knows if the pediatrician would even remember....perhaps we can trace through IP address?

[socrateaser]

>All of the e-mails were sent from msn.com. I blind-copied my
>wife on several of the e-mails, which included the history of
>her responses, some of which went to her yahoo acount, some to
>her private work e-mail. I doubt that she would lie about
>having written the e-mails...and she has already lied in front
>of the pediatrician, but who knows if the pediatrician would
>even remember....perhaps we can trace through IP address?

Doesn't matter where you sent your emails from, because you are trying to prove the contents of emails received by you, not sent to someone else. What matters is where you received the other party's emails from and whether or not the inbox on the system you received them on is beyond your capacity to modify. That way, you can show that what you received is stored in a place where you have no control over thee email contant and that the emails remain in substantially the same form as originally sent.

Then, if the other party confirms that they are the owner of the unserid associated with those emails, you will have proof that the other person, or someone with access to that userid, sent them to you.

The problem with email is that it doesn't have any signature that proves its source. Even if you trace the IP addresses, who's to say that you didn't just type in that route into a word processor and then print it out?

No, you need to be able to demonstrate that the emails came from the other party and the only way to do this is to either get that party to admit to having sent the emails, or to show that you could not possibly have altered the emails received, because they were stored by a third party over whom you have no possible control.

But, as you say, it's possible that the other parent will simply admit sending the emails and you won't have a problem.

[krissy2356]

"Doesn't matter where you sent your emails from, because you are trying to prove the contents of emails received by you, not sent to someone else. What matters is where you received the other party's emails from and whether or not the inbox on the system you received them on is beyond your capacity to modify. That way, you can show that what you received is stored in a place where you have no control over thee email contant and that the emails remain in substantially the same form as originally sent."

Both CP and I have msn (hotmail) accounts. I don't believe that I can edit the e-mails other than when replying and then going to the body to change them. But, if I open the e-mail, I cannot edit it unless I forward or reply. So the originals cannot be changed if that isn't done...you're right though, if she won't try to deny any of it, no problems.

I have another issue--just about a half hour ago, she called to say goodnight to my son and I asked her the please let me know where his eye doctor appt. is tomorrow. She told me that she called her lawyer and he told her that she does not have to tell me anything. She said that I am not invited and if I show up, I will be sorry.

Our insurance requires that we obtain referrals for specialist appts., like the one tomorrow. She hasn't gotten one according to the primary provider, and if she doesn't, that means I will get a bill for about $700 for the appt vs. a $10 copay. I need for her to follow the instructions that she was provided with but she is not cooperating and I'm not sure what to do.

To reiterate, we have joint legal custody, clearly specified in the court order. Doesn't this mean that I don't have to be "invited" by her or have her permission to attend his doctor's appointments? She accused me of getting too involved with his medical issues and told me that I need to stay out of them "or else." I know that she is angry that I caught her lying about getting my son the Lyme Disease test, and she's VERY angry that I took him myself when I found out that it was never done.

I am about to rip my hair out here. Is this grounds for me to file a contempt motion against her? I understood that in sharing legal custody I have every right to be involved with medical, religious, and education issues...I am not trying to thwart her control, I just want to be involved. Am I wrong about this? And if she refuses to follow the insurance policy guidelines, can I be held responsible for the financial implications?

Thanks very much!

[socrateaser]

>"Doesn't matter where you sent your emails from, because you
>are trying to prove the contents of emails received by you,
>not sent to someone else. What matters is where you received
>the other party's emails from and whether or not the inbox on
>the system you received them on is beyond your capacity to
>modify. That way, you can show that what you received is
>stored in a place where you have no control over thee email
>contant and that the emails remain in substantially the same
>form as originally sent."
>
>Both CP and I have msn (hotmail) accounts. I don't believe
>that I can edit the e-mails other than when replying and then
>going to the body to change them. But, if I open the e-mail, I
>cannot edit it unless I forward or reply. So the originals
>cannot be changed if that isn't done...you're right though, if
>she won't try to deny any of it, no problems.
>
>I have another issue--just about a half hour ago, she called
>to say goodnight to my son and I asked her the please let me
>know where his eye doctor appt. is tomorrow. She told me that
>she called her lawyer and he told her that she does not have
>to tell me anything. She said that I am not invited and if I
>show up, I will be sorry.
>
>Our insurance requires that we obtain referrals for specialist
>appts., like the one tomorrow. She hasn't gotten one according
>to the primary provider, and if she doesn't, that means I will
>get a bill for about $700 for the appt vs. a $10 copay. I need
>for her to follow the instructions that she was provided with
>but she is not cooperating and I'm not sure what to do.
>
>To reiterate, we have joint legal custody, clearly specified
>in the court order. Doesn't this mean that I don't have to be
>"invited" by her or have her permission to attend his doctor's
>appointments?

No, you don't have to be invited if you have joint legal, but your ex doesn't have to tell you when the appointment is, unless the court order requires such communications. Evidently, her attorney doesn't find anything in the existing order creating this requirement. I could argue that the child's best interests requires communication between parents with joint custody, but that's not gonna get you a contempt citation. It will only get you a clarification order requiring communication -- too late for this little episode.

Frankly, her attorney is an !@# for giving such advice (in my opinion), because he is promoting a hostile environment for no good reason. But, he's also making his client smile and that makes it easier to collect the bill, so I can understand why this advice has been rendered.

>
>I am about to rip my hair out here. Is this grounds for me to
>file a contempt motion against her?

Nope.

>I understood that in
>sharing legal custody I have every right to be involved with
>medical, religious, and education issues...I am not trying to
>thwart her control, I just want to be involved. Am I wrong
>about this?

See above. Bottom line, you can go and be involved, but you can't force her to tell you where or when the appointment is without a court order.

>And if she refuses to follow the insurance policy
>guidelines, can I be held responsible for the financial
>implications?

Narrow question of local law. I can't advise on this one.

PS. Bring a dictation recorder with you. Keep it in the open and tell her you're recording the entire meeting and everything that goes on between the two of you. Make sure you notify her while the recorder is running. After that, even if she refuses to give you consent, she impliedly consents to the recording by speaking while you record.

This sort of encounter can lead to her filing a restraining order and claiming you assaulted her or abused her verbally, which could be used to keep you from the kids and would foil your entire custody action.

So, if you don't have a recorder, you better get one and lots of extra tapes and batteries.