Constant issues - your take?

[DecentDad]

Soc,

Today, I received email notice from biomom that she has enrolled the child in a ballet performance that has practice on all of my weekday afternoons with child over the next few weeks... effective tomorrow.

This is the first I heard of it.

She advised that if I can't take the child, she will take her.

With transportation (9 miles from my home to this new ballet class each way during afternoon rush hour) and 90 minute ballet practices, that's going to be more than 3 hours of time consumed each afternoon child is with me.

Half my affected periods with child are 4-hours duration.  We'll have the remaining hour of time to travel home from school (20 minutes), do homework (approx 45-60 minutes normally), play, and have dinner as a family before biomom picks up child at bedtime.

The other half are overnights, which at least buys an extra hour of time child is awake with me (i.e., 5 hours between school dismissal and bedtime).

Moreover, two sets of child's grandparents (my wife's parents and mine) will be in town during this time, and I was looking forward to child having the weekday afternoons with them.

Child is in first grade.

2004 JUDGMENT
"Neither party shall schedule any activity for CHILD during the other parent's custodial time unless it is by agreement."

2006 OSC ORDERS
When OC was opposing the court's June 2006 ruling that I'm to pick up child directly from school, she argued that child has activities.  Judge said that if child has any activities, dad can take her  Resulting orders say, "Respondent (me) is to attend and is to ensure the minor child attends any extra-curricular activites.  The custodial party is to ensure the minor child attends any practices during that party's custodial time."



I've proposed back to mother that if she makes all the practice days into overnights in my home, I'll be able to arrange everything in child's best interest on this temporary basis.  Else, I don't see how rushing a 6 year old around on three school afternoons per week and pushing back bedtime (i.e., when adding even more travel time from my home back to mother's home) is good for her.

I've advised that if mother does not agree to convert those dinners into overnights on a temporary basis, I'll assume that these practices are not critical for child.

Mother is big into performing arts and would claim that child loves ballet.  Child seems to have lackluster interest, at best.  

1.  Is my position reasonable?  If mother refuses to convert to overnights, is it evident per her refusal that the activity is not important?

2.  Is mother reasonable (in a court's eyes) with last-minute notice that all my weekday periods with child over next three weeks are now consumed by ballet practice, per mother's demand?

3.  Does the 2006 order nullify the specific 2004 order?

4.  If 2004 judgment clause still prevails, how is it enforced (i.e., it IS a clean contempt - if I could prove it - but the damage is already done via emotionally blackmailing me with child's expectations, so where does that leave me?).

5.  Do you interpret the 2006 order as refering to activities enrolled at time of ruling (i.e., so child could keep status quo, had there been any activities), or all future ones?  If unclear, is this enough reasonable doubt that I'd avoid any contempt if/when I exercise judgment that mother's activities are frustrating my ability to have a normal relationship with child?

Thanks,
DD

[socrateaser]

>1.  Is my position reasonable?  If mother refuses to convert
>to overnights, is it evident per her refusal that the activity
>is not important?

You can't use this as an excuse to avoid the parenting schedule. I suggest that you take the child and smile while doing it. That will totally disarm the mother, who will think twice about scheduling something new, because this is all being done to annoy you -- not for the child. And, thus far, the plan is working.

>
>2.  Is mother reasonable (in a court's eyes) with last-minute
>notice that all my weekday periods with child over next three
>weeks are now consumed by ballet practice, per mother's
>demand?

Probably not, but just try to get a December hearing calendared now.

>
>3.  Does the 2006 order nullify the specific 2004 order?

No, I don't see that the 2004 order was terminated. Both orders can coexist comfortably.

>
>4.  If 2004 judgment clause still prevails, how is it enforced
>(i.e., it IS a clean contempt - if I could prove it - but the
>damage is already done via emotionally blackmailing me with
>child's expectations, so where does that leave me?).

On La Cienega during rush hour -- but, with your daughter, at least!

>
>5.  Do you interpret the 2006 order as refering to activities
>enrolled at time of ruling (i.e., so child could keep status
>quo, had there been any activities), or all future ones?  If
>unclear, is this enough reasonable doubt that I'd avoid any
>contempt if/when I exercise judgment that mother's activities
>are frustrating my ability to have a normal relationship with
>child?

No. but, I'm telling you, the way to handle this is to take the kid. And, if she likes it, then YOU schedule more ballet, only find a school closer to you.