To file or not?

[dipper]

Soc,

We are in VA.  I was awarded custody of son last June after BM had him for five years.  We had fought over custody for approximately the past two years since her move 80 miles away.

I have filed for court proceedings first, with her filing counters in the past two years.  We were last in court in August after she cursed me in front of son and threatened to take me to court for contempt....I filed a show cause and clarification, she then filed a show cause.  I was successful, she was told she was in error.

In August, bm did not pick up son for visitation. She then sent me a letter stating that she wanted make-up time, accusing me of refusing visitation and threatened to take me to court.  I informed her that visitaiton was not refused, she did not take it, no make-up time, and it would be a false show cause filing.  She did nothing.

BM was to have son for Columbus day, but his school was open. She did  not mention the date in her advisement of visitation.  She still has not mentioned it to me, but did tell son that I owed make-up time.

BM is to advise me by first of each month which three weekends of visitation she is going to take.  

The stipulation that son is not to be used as a messenger is also in our court order.

I provide two transportations, she one.

BM made false accusations to son's probation officer in November.  This caused son and us alot of stress and a week of worry.   She slept with her cousin while son was present.  Within three weeks, she made threats to help this cousin file charges against son over video games and threatened to file charges against me if I did not pay $300 within one week.

Son is 15 and does not want to visit.  He and bm no longer fuss when she calls, she just asks, he says no and she usually hangs up.  

BM has not advised per court order regarding visitations.  She has made no contact by letter or by phone directly to me.  She did call once and wanted son the next day, demanding that I drive.  I told her that as she is required one transportation and it was short notice, she could provide transportation. I specifically stated to her that I have never refused visitation, that she is the one allowing son to make the decision.  

BM has not made any effort to pick son up.    She called him last week and asked about visitation, but he had an appt out of state regarding his burn injuries.  She simply said okay and hung up.  When we get to appt, she walks in with her mother....apparently having already had plans to do this as she had travelled down the day before and they spent two nights away.  So, when she called son, she already had plans to be out of town and made no comment to take him to appt or pick him up afteward.  

Counselor is willing to get involved.  BM has not seen son's counselor since August 11th.  My lawyer for the custody battle was a one fee, one case attorney.  I have talked with him and he suggested having counselor write a letter about concerns and getting GAL involved.  Requests for such have not shown results.  

Secretary for counselor states that GAL's usually only work if case is pending...as they are not getting paid otherwise.  Counselor typically waits to hear what GAL is looking for as he wants to do what is best  for child and not show a biased pertaining to parents.

BM is not taking her court ordered visitation.  She is not following guidelines of visitation.  I have not refused visitation.

While bm may try to use this as a contempt against me, it appears that she is providing a pattern of not taking her visitation.  Other than a 5 minute phone call almost weekly, there is no contact.  

I feel visitation needs to be revised due to her actions against son and his stress concerning visitations.  

While I do not want her to force visitation, I also feel like I am sitting on a ticking time bomb by just waiting for her next move.

Do I need to 'document' this by writing to her regarding her not attempting visitation?

Would it be best to wait for her to file something as I have been the first to file previously?

[socrateaser]

>Do I need to 'document' this by writing to her regarding her
>not attempting visitation?

Yes. I would always write when she doesn't show or advise, and acknowledge the fact, and then remind her of when her next advisement is due, if she wants to exersize visitation.
>
>Would it be best to wait for her to file something as I have
>been the first to file previously?

I wouldn't move for a mod, now. It just makes you look like you're trying to get rid of the other parent permanently -- better the other parent should do it to herself.