Sperm donor with a wallet

[Xanthon]

This father sure does have some issues !
What would make a mother take a six day old infant out of it's home and try to run off to another state? Needless to say I have fallen victum to a truly Machiavellian scheme that apperently the court system in america is going to make it easy for my wife to get away with.
My lawyer tells me that to prove(or at least raise doubt)that this was engineered is a waist of time.In my eyes this is EVERYTHING. I was able to get an order from a judge saying that the child can not be taken out of the state. I have kept a log of events conversations and even counseling visits that all point to her using me just to get a child and have me pay for it.
I am a very loving father who wants nothing more than to raise his daughter here in MD. I have the support network with my family to raise her and still keep my career.
What I don't want, is to be forced by the courts to finance her little scheme and as of right now I only get to see her when my wife sees fit.
Dads don't be fooled into thinking that until a judge orders a custody percentage that it is 50/50. I tried to excersise my 50% and got slapped with a judge giving her Temp 100% custody. So I am right back to her calling 100% of the shots.
Can some one please help me wrap my brain around this cruel torture?
I can go into all the details as this post unfolds !

[wendl]

Well you have fallen (actually your child) to what many have here.

Your attorney is right. What you need to focus on is getting 50/50 physical and joint  legal.

Document everything like you are, keep records of when you try to see your child.  

Know on here will paint you a pretty picture cuz these cases are never pretty and will only get worse in most cases.

Continue to focus on what is best for the child, you and your attorney need to think of a plan of action.

1st action would be getting a set visition with spells out when and the times you get to see your child. And don't let mom say she is breast feeding and you cannot of overnight, you can, she can pump her milk (I did just so my sons family could see our child)

Start reading up on the laws and educate yourself on them. Go to the resourse section here and read tips for getting started.

PS YOu are NOT a sperm donor, you are a father.

Best of luck.

[Peanutsdad]

>This father sure does have some issues !
>What would make a mother take a six day old infant out of it's
>home and try to run off to another state? Needless to say I
>have fallen victum to a truly Machiavellian scheme that
>apperently the court system in america is going to make it
>easy for my wife to get away with.

I dont know.  It could be your wife is just a bitch, it could be you are an abuser, it could be you two just cant get along. Shrug, immaterial at this point.



>My lawyer tells me that to prove(or at least raise doubt)that
>this was engineered is a waist of time.In my eyes this is
>EVERYTHING.

Your attorney is right. It is a waste of time to try to prove this was engineered. What has to be proved NOW, is which home is MORE STABLE. So long as you are acting like this, you havent a prayer.



I was able to get an order from a judge saying
>that the child can not be taken out of the state.

Ok, then this makes your first statement immaterial also. The sooner you drop the dramatics and focus on whats important, the better off you and your daughter will be.



 I have kept
>a log of events conversations and even counseling visits that
>all point to her using me just to get a child and have me pay
>for it.

Keeping a log of events and conversations....this is the first smart thing I've seen here. Now, what you do with it and how you use it, will make all the difference in the world.





>I am a very loving father who wants nothing more than to raise
>his daughter here in MD. I have the support network with my
>family to raise her and still keep my career.

This is the second smart thing you've said,, perhaps there's hope for you yet.




>What I don't want, is to be forced by the courts to finance
>her little scheme and as of right now I only get to see her
>when my wife sees fit.

Sorry, but you are going to be hit for child support. As far as visitation, or shared custody, that depends largely on you, your behavior , your attorney, and how hard you fight for it.



>Dads don't be fooled into thinking that until a judge orders a
>custody percentage that it is 50/50. I tried to excersise my
>50% and got slapped with a judge giving her Temp 100% custody.
>So I am right back to her calling 100% of the shots.

Where on earth did you get the idea that you had 50/50 ?? Sorry bucko, but in custody matters he/she  who has possession til a court order has the control. Did you actually get into a confrontation with your wife???





>Can some one please help me wrap my brain around this cruel
>torture?
>I can go into all the details as this post unfolds !


Wrap your brain around this: If you act like a dipshit, and go off emotionally, all you do is flat out HAND your wife custody on a silver platter. If you have no self control, then perhaps she SHOULD have custody.
Acting dramatic absolutely wont win you any favors with the courts, the judge, the cops nor your own attorney.

Reading your post, I'm willing to bet the biggest problem with your custody case,,, is you.

Now, your case is still early,, and it MIGHT be possible to do a little damage control. You are already behind the eight ball since your ex got custody,, but it's still possible to get somewhere,, all depends on you.



1. Lose the emotion. She left, she took your child. It happened, you are not special, it happens every day. I am quite sure you have heard of it happening before, but of course, it didnt matter til it happened to you. Trust me, the judge doesnt care that it happened, nor how it happened. Time to get over it and start doing the things that help you rather than hurt you post leaving.


2. You said you are keeping a log,, ok good,, unless it is written like this post. Your log is a simple statement of events, not judgements nor dramatics. Times, facts, recorded statements, video, recorded phone calls if permissible in your state. You indicated you have no scheduled visitation, that it is all up to your wife. Why? was there a protective order filed against you? were you arrested during any of this?, did the judge come down on you for your behavior? Or is it because the child is 6 days old and you have had no children before? ( This one offends me simply because,, moms dont have to complete a training course with babies, but dads do,, grrr).

Without a scheduled visitation, it makes it VERY hard to show your ex in a bad light for refusing visitation.  If you are acting like a wild man,, YOU make it very easy for her to keep a newborn away from you.


3. Take infant cpr classes and parenting classes. As distasteful as it is, you are already starting your case disadvantaged due to the age of child, ( a common disadvantage dads have with newborn custody cases), and even more so, you started out badly due to your own behavior. You have a lot of work to do.



Sorry, but without the specifics of the case, I really dont have anything else to add. Good luck.

[Xanthon]

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. Have already tried to ask for the overnight and the breastmilk....she refuses both. We are currently working on getting the planned visits.....but hthis is going to be a long uphill battle.
I don't see MYSELF as a sperm donor she did.
I want to be a father (in every arena) so bad it hurts and to have some one do this simply because they can is what makes this unbearable.

Thanx Again

[wendl]

It is hard, and like peanutsdad said you need to take the emotion out of this and stay focused.

Make sure you have a good attorney that works for YOU.

Believe me most here have or are going thru this. My husband did as well and it wasn't pretty.

They will try to break you down, you need to continue to stay focused even when you are at your lowest point and believe me it will happen.

But you have taken the 1st step, you came here for help, sometimes it is also good to just vent and let it out.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Xanthon]

Your comments seem pretty judgemental considering you and I have never interacted. I do understand that you are trying to help....but at this early stage of the game a little less sarcasm would go alot further.

To rise above the fray and remain calm throughout this ordeal has been the hardest thing I have ever undertaken.
I have my own business, and have interacted with some pretty hardcore indiviuals who would seek to destroy me. I have played sports all my life and have been hit by some of the biggest and meanest guys on the planet. That all pales in comparason to what THIS feels like, and to be powerless to do any thing about it is even worse.
So telling me to supress all that IS good advice but being able to do it is another.

What I did that was so terrible was keep the child overnight (actually 2) against her wishes. So the only damage I have done to myself is take my credibilty level down a notch. I am not an abuser nor a bad provider or husband. This was truley engineered

"If you act like a dipshit, and go off emotionally, all you do is flat out HAND your wife custody on a silver platter. If you have no self control, then perhaps she SHOULD have custody. "
Pretty harsh considering you don't know me.
 I do know this........given the right set of circumstances and enough time I could make you lose all of your self control.....NObody is truly above that except someone who has spent a lifetime training to do just that.
My wife only has temporary custody until a judge decides what is going to happen.
This is a chess game and the moves I make from here on out will determine my out come.

Again I welcome your advice....but I would prefer it be temperd with the fact that I am going through a learning curve.
The biggest reason I am on this board is to get advice from people who have been down this road and to hear what to do and more importantly NOT to do.
I am willing to share any detail with any of you !

[StPaulieGirl]

What would make a mother take a six day old infant out of it's home and try to run off to another state? Needless to say I have fallen victum to a truly Machiavellian scheme that apperently the court system in america is going to make it easy for my wife to get away with.

[p]That's what I'd like to know.  What was she trying to "get away" with?  If your wife was truly a disciple of Machiavelli, she would have simply slapped you with a restraining order, and kicked you out of your home.  The next thing you would see is a process server showing up at your place of employment with divorce papers.  The amount of your next paycheck would likely induce a panic attack, followed by a stroke.

My lawyer tells me that to prove(or at least raise doubt)that this was engineered is a waist of time.In my eyes this is EVERYTHING. I was able to get an order from a judge saying that the child can not be taken out of the state. I have kept a log of events conversations and even counseling visits that all point to her using me just to get a child and have me pay for it.

[p]Everything?  That's a curious statement.  Why are you so desperate to prove that your wife deliberately conceived a child simply to get money from her husband?  Your lawyer must have been rolling his/her eyes after that session.  

[p]You say that you are a loving father.  Were you a loving husband?  When something like this happens, the first question a person asks is "why would he/she do something like this"?  There would be pain and hurt, as well as anger.  All I see is rage.

[p]Please do fill us in on all the details, just in case I'm off base with my original perception.

[Peanutsdad]

Good, the tone and setting of your post is much better ;)

Yes I was harsh,, shrug. You were dramatic. We each have our little failings.


Like I said before, it really doesnt matter if it was engineered or not. Get past that. Whats important now,, is getting your case on track.

Trust me, I AM tempering this with the fact that you on a learning curve. What you dont understand, is you have very little to no time to learn. Family law and Family court is much less forgiving than I or anyone on this board.


You mentioned that what you did that was so terrible was keeping the child 2 nights against the CP wishes. Was there a court order at that time? Were you in violation to it? Did an additional motion get filed as a result?

Perhaps it would be better if you posted exactly the litigation involved. What motions have been filed, what has been granted, what is the exact visitation currently. What is your attorney doing?


Keep in mind,, most of the time, temp orders,, become the permanent orders. Your goal, is to either prove her unfit, ( without cps involvement, police records, drug or alcohol abuse,, documented,  or psych problems that are documented by a psychiatrist, that aint gonna happen), or prove yourself stable and able to be a good parent and shoot for 50/50 legal and time.

Here are a few links here to get you started:

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm

URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/guide.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm


For Move aways: ( Thanx Brent!!)
              

Immediately file a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO). In the TRO, specify that the children are to be prevented from leaving the State.

Also, read these:

Preventing Domestic Move-Aways
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/moving.htm

One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/acronyms.htm




BTW,, just what kind of business are you in??? HitsRus?