letter from ss to dh

[Rane]

I have a question about ss letter to dh. He said in his letter he did not want dh coming to his basketball games and if dh decided to come, he did not want to speak to him. Along with this letter he sent a schedule of all the basketball games.

My question is if he really did not want dh to come to the games why send the schedule??

I think this 15 yo is really wanting dh to see him play but wrote the letter to please his mom. I am confused by it all.
Any thoughts?
Thanks,
Rane

[Nowastepmom]

What is their relationship like now, otherwise?  What is mom like?  How does she act around dad?  How does she feel about dad?  I think that if you look at this situation and examine what mom is doing, you may have some of your answers.  I also think that it is quite weird that he sent the schedule if he didnt want him to come.  Good Luck

[Rane]

My ss has not been to visit dh since dh asked for a reduction in child support in May. There have been ongoing issues with bm. Men have moved in and out of her home and ss and sd have been effected by it. Ss has had comment s made to him at his games by other parents , such as "who's the flavor of the month?" Dh has asked for custody of both children bm has badmouthed and put dh down since the divorce 8 yrs ago

We have asked that counseling be ordered and bm has refused
Now it is up to the evaluator and judge what happens.

I hope this will give you a better view of the situation.

Thanks for your input
Rane:)

[Dr. D]

Interesting!  There are several reasons a 15 y.o  might send a schedule for games he asks a parent not to attend": 1) He really wants the parent to attend, 2) He is angry and wants parent to attend to say, his wishes weren't respected, 3) he is confused.

Rather than assume anything or try to second guess a teen, I'd suggest you say something like, "I really like watching you play, I am proud of you and hope my attendance is acceptable."  Then show up.  Unless the parent is truly evil, the teen probably wants you there (although may not know how to say it or what to do if you are there).  A silent presence may be in order?  Dr. D

[Rane]

Thanks so much Dr. D. My dh does intend to go to all the games he can and not bother anyone there with talking to them. Unless of course he is spoken to.

We do appreciate all the help we have gotten from this site.

Rane