Dr. D...I have an issue.

[Indigo Mom]

I don't know if it's an issue a therapist would think is big...but I do.  

My daughter saw her father at the therapists office for the first time in over a year this afternoon.  Background...had 51/49 custody at breakup, but he's only seen her a handful of times over the past 5 years (since we broke up) and flat out refuses to be a "constant" in her life...though when he does pop back in every year...he blames me for not "allowing" him to see his daughter, and haven't "allowed" him for 5 years.  He LOVES wreaking havoc in our lives...only to see her one time, then bail again.  This is why we're at the therapists.

Anyway, he brought this HUGE box of presents from his mom in Ca.  (yes, they have our address, yes they know he's a lump, no, they refuse to send lil miss prezzies here or call her)  That's all fine and dandy, but...the visit was nothing but her opening massive amounts of presents.  There was no interaction, she was just stoked she had so many gifts.  

When it was time to leave, the therapist opened the door to bring all her prezzies out in the hall where lil dude, hub and I were...she left the room without even looking at her father, no kiss, no hug, not even a simple "bye".  All she wanted to do was follow the presents.

Ok...the therapist said he's going to call me Monday to let me know how things went.  He let me know his concerns about them having no interaction.  While we were talking, my daughter interrupted, saying "my dad said there's a big big big box with lots more presents at his house".  The therapist gave me this "look"...and then said he'll talk to me on Monday about that.

So...that's my thing.  he knows he's not to have unsupervised visitation (big issues he refuses to deal with), so why would he tell her about this huge box with more presents at his house?  I personally think he's playing games, trying to get her to want to go to his house....there has been no "next" meeting set...so who knows when that'll be.  

Would this be an "issue" with the therapist?  With you?  Isn't there something wrong with a person KNOWING the child won't be going to their house anytime soon...but telling the child he left all sorts of presents there so she can't get them????

Thanks in advance!!!!

[Dr. D]

He is making huge mistakes and hurting your daughter.  He should not be telling her about "huge boxes and presents" knowing that she will not see them.  He is apparently setting up the perception that he has these presents and she can't get to them without your permission.  NOT good. Yes, this would be an issue with me.  Sounds like it might be with your current therapist.  Trust him/her for now and see how it plays out..  DR. D

[Indigo Mom]

Seems the therapist sees things the way you do.  There was another meeting yesterday, same thing...more presents, no interaction.  The only difference was he didn't "allow" her to bring the presents home...which REALLY angered her.  (but this is typical of him)

The therapist said he'll call me early in the week to discuss this situation, and that he "might" set one more appointment...but he watns my input on that.  He still refuses to tend to those "issues" he has, and the therapist is finally figuring out that after 26 months of being ordered to deal with them....he simply won't, even though he's gotten a glimpse of the child...he won't take care of business.  I guess I"m right in thinking that he really doesn't "want" a relationship with her.  

Looks like it's playing out just fine...I only had to sacrifice lil miss 2 times before a stop is put on his "antics".  

Thanks again, Dr. D.