Holdin' on tight

[tjraid18]

  I'm starting to get some visitation again with the kids. For now. It's kind of awkward for all of us because of all the time we've missed out on with each other. I always find a way to get laughs out of them and we have a good time and do fun stuff. But theres a wall there now. It's been building for quite a while. I keep trying to think of ways to tear it down, things to say to them that can bring us closer together, but all the time we miss out on with each other has made us like strangers.
    Are there things I can tell them that will help? I have little talks with them but am concerned that maybe I'm just making things worse by giving them hope that things will work out. Or that things will be O.K. It's like their angry that I hav'ent been there. Which I understand but I don't know how to tell them I'ts not my fault without saying negative things about their mother. My daughter has in the last few visits, become permanately attached to my hand. She will be 8 May 26th. When her and her brother were a lot younger I would hold their hands when we went for walks. She says she has some handholding to make up for, which is sweet as honey-- but she has a deathgrip on my hand the whole time shes with me, and has to be right next to me always. I know shes insecure, but does she have some symptoms of a problem that I should be worried about? My son, conversely-- is just distant and won't get close or talk about anything. He just keeps changing the subject and trying to distract me. It's bothering me a lot and I ould like to know if any of you have any ideas about this. Thanx
                                                                    tj

[kiddosmom]

Take your time and do not stress, they can feel it and respond to it. Make the time an ejoyable memory :)
Let your dtr cling rt now, when she feels more secure she WILL lighten it.  Let her set the pace, reasure them that you love them. Give your son space, to a degree, do not try to force anything. You all have alot to get through.

[Peanutsdad]

First off, relax,, trust me, they can pick up on it if you are worried about it. Just relax and enjoy having them,, it'll rub off on them.

[tjraid18]

    Thanks guys. Good advice. I think the more we get steady time together, the smoother things will get. Even if it's not much time--- as long as it's steady.