dealing with a borderline

[bigdiol]

hi-

Husband has been divorced 11 years from ex - has 11 year old Daughter. From the very beginning - PBFH  has been non stop. She was diagnosed classic borderline 6 months ago. I entered the picture 3.5 years ago. I became primary target.

Currently- we are in a battle over his daughter - a year and half into the case, she is claiming abuse to SD by me. (grabbing- one incident (she calims) - that she has turned into me hitting SD non-stop)

The problem is - that ths accusations are becomming so frequent to authorities - that she is beginning to be believed. Sherrif has been to our house 2 times in the past 7 days. We have been curtailing phonecalls because of major PAS, and it makes a difference in her behavior when time is limited in speaking with BM.

Now, she has gotten a judge to hear her pleas - somehow - enough to make a call to the sheriff here and have him come out here.

How do we deal with this??
a major issue is that SD is TOLD to call her mother - which she DOES NOT want to do when Mom is in a rage - then Denies it to authorities - because then MOM gets on the phone and says - well the officer told me you were outside and didnt want to call me. Is this true/ do you NEVER want to see me and your little sibling again??  You just want me to leave and never call you again? Is that what you want? You are so selfish that you couldt even think of someone other than yourself, could you?? (on and on)

It makes us look like we are keeping her altogether from calling her mother. my DH tried to get on the phone with PBFH and tell her to not blame or shame SD - and she  just had a major fit.

this is tearing our family apart. it is non stop, and if she succeeds in having people believe her, and she is able to "win' this case, then it could spell financial ruin for us.

[bigdiol]

 then it could spell financial ruin for us.

the last part got cut off. This is not about the money. This is about providing a stable home, full of love, and giving this child a chance at some normal life. It is about an Ex with such an axe to grind, that she is willing to see her own daughter sacrificed, to see husband and everything he has worked for go south for her simple pleasure of revenge.
 
rubia

[kiddosmom]

If your state is able, record the phone calls.
Does it say in your CO that the bm is able to call the child on fathers time?

[bigdiol]

we do record all phone calls between BM and SD. BOth are aware of the fact. Still dosent slow her down.

There is nothing in any CO that relates to phone calls. Currently we are trying to get a restraining order against harrassment. We are in the middle of a custody battle - since the prior CO had little or no guidelines typical of a basic order. DIdnt have accurate trade-off descriptions, being written by an attn that had little experience in family law at the time. So - with loopholes big ebough to drive a truck through - it has been a nightmare.

[Kitty C.]

If you have a speaker phone, great.  If not, get an aux. speaker if you can.  Then the next time the cops show up, call her and put her on the speaker phone so that THEY can hear what you're hearing.  Even if they tell you to tell her that they're there, I can about guarantee you that, if given the 'right comments', you can get her to blow up right then and there.  Could go a LONG ways in changing the minds of the local authorities.  You might even want to play some of the previous tapes when the cops show up!

In the meantime, get the tapes you do have transcribed and to your atty.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

By now, you know you can't change biomom.

All you can do is find ways to take "credibility" short-cuts.

When my ex accused me of locking up my daughter, and she submitted a recorded conversation between her and 4 year old daughter that described how I lock her up, I went and took a polygraph on that topic, as well as a few other topics that have been he-said, she-said for years.

My attorney faxed the polygraph results to opposing counsel and our custody evaluator.

Those topics of controversy immediately stopped after that, and I've got a copy of the results that I am ready to show any CPS or law enforcement officer if ever needed.  That should be enough for them to question the source of the accusation.

The polygraph cost $400.  Considering cost of attorney's billable hours, the polygraph was a bargain for casting major doubt on my ex's allegations.

On the phone calls, you're allowed to monitor them (unless court orders specifically say otherwise).  Perhaps you can go move to have the court grant orders that the parents' may monitor AND RECORD phone calls between children and the other parent.  This is an easy way for the court to avoid getting caught between he-said-she-said.

Best,
DD

[mango]

Very interesting. I love the polygraph idea. Fresh idea tha tI never heard of.

Having the recorded calls in the parenting order is good as well. Afterall you can have anything in the order, it's up to the parents.

[bigdiol]

thanks mango!

and thank you all for your great ideas and support.

[mango]

Don't mention it. :-)