Allow Me to Tell Y'all About My Situation

[GALady51]

Eleven months ago I moved with my partner and his sons to GA. My bio son decided to stay with Dad - in NYC.  I recently went up to see my son and had a miserable time - between his constant demands for me to spend the $ I don't have at this time and his father serving, it was horrendous. The ex and I have been separated for seven years and I am hopeful 2005 will finally see us divorced.  The prob is this: his demands for more and more $$ in the "interests of the child."  In our last Agreement, I gave up everything (a 401-k, suppport, etc.) - I want my freedom and the ability to live with my partner without the monkey. (Yeah, I know we never really get rid of them when kids are involved)   I am getting tired of having to shell out more and more and get depressed that when everything is said and done, I'll be left with nothing - no child and no money.

[olanna]

How old is your son? How much visitation do you have now? How often do you see your son? What kind of child support are you paying now? When you say you gave up everything like a 401K and support, what exactly are you talking about? What kind of agreement do you and your husband have where your son is concerned?

Most non-custodial moms on this board have been through some pretty horrific court battles in an effort to either keep custody or maintain liberal visitation, at the least.

I think you will find that most of the moms on this board won't think it was such a great idea that you moved so far away from your child because your partner moved.

You need to give us more details and tell us what you are trying or wanting to do.

My first piece of advice to you would be to move back to NYC to 1)be a part of your son's life and 2)deal with the court system as a resident.

[GALady51]

Hello All,

My situation is this: We have both filed for Divorce, my hearing is 5/31 in GA, his 6/13 in NYC.  I would like to get back my piece of his 401-K as he cashed it out many years ago (paid the taxes on it or so he said) and feel that half of is rightfully mine.  We have no legal Agreement in place.  Too, he will retain custody of our son, 15.  I would like to retain legal custody of the child.  As he won't move here (GA), I'm more than willing to allow him (Dad) physical custody.

I have recently hired an attorney in NY to help me get the Divorce action dismissed there.  

My question: I need to know how I can get my portion of his 401-K.

[olanna]

parents of divorce and separation maintain contact with their children.

"I'm more than willing to allow him (Dad) physical custody." Sounds like Dad already has physical custody from your first post. You might look into what the two of you can work out, as expecting your ex to follow through with two different states involved might be a let down.  

I find it interesting that an atty could dismiss a divorce action in NYC, if you both lived there and you were married there and your husband still resides there.

You might post your question over on the board called Dear Socrateaser, and he may be able to help you with the 401K question you had.

[MixedBag]

Whew -- separated for 7 years, but no divorce???

Chances are that NY has jurisdiction, not GA because you moved away and dad is still there.

Soc is the person to ask for legal questions and advice.

How to get that 401K?

You'll have to prove the original balance and ask the judge to give you half.  That's the basic philosophy, good luck.