Combatting PAS

[Lydia_m]

My ex has had custody of my son since he was 7, I have custody of our daughter. No provisions for visitation on the behalf of either child. The no fault divorce that he paid for was changed at the last minute because I was not there to contest. The proceedings took place outside of my home state. One more lost day of work and I would have lost my job. The papers that I signed did not have custody references, I was told by the attorney that my ex hired, that custody and divorce were separate issues and would not be part of the divorce hearing. I was young and stupid. I believed it.
My kids are now 15 & 17. My daughter is the oldest. She has visited her dad a lot over the years, but visitation with my son was never enforced. I have seen my son only a handful of times of the past 8 years. I have grieved for him. I never could get an explanation from his father as to why he would not let me see my son.
My ex married a 17 year old girl shortly after the divorce. She was partly resposible for the breakup of our marriage. She and my ex trashed me in my son's and daughter's presence on a regular basis. They wanted me to disapear, as though I never existed, from day one. Everytime I try to reach out to my son, we end up in a crazy fight that ultimately hurts my children and leaves me feeling helpless.
Without a doubt, my son is a severe case of PAS. He hates me and has no real reason to. I have been a very good mother to both of my children. My biggest problem has been money. I do not have the resources to combat this problem in court. I feel helpless.
I am not allowed to call my son at his fathers house. He threatens me with harrassment if I try to talk to him about our children's best interest. His wife is a narcissist, but that is only my opionion of her.
I recently found out that they run an adult porn site out of their home. There are videos  on the site of her having sex with other men. My ex videos it and even takes part in it. She braggs about being a porn star and even works as an escort.
I called our local authorities and tried to involve CPS. They were investigated and given guidelines of where the kids can and cannot go inside of their home, with the intent of keeping them from having access to their computers and photos.
I am at a loss. My kids go to the same school and my son will no longer talk to my daughter because she has told me the lies that her father and step mother have been telling her over the years. I confronted them with the info that I had received from her. They have shunned her and my son blames everything on my daughter and I.
I have lost, haven't I?

[MixedBag]

Whenever it comes to this type of subject, I highly recommend reading Divorce Poison and keeping a copy at your bedside.

It gives you concrete steps to follow in order to head back in the right direction with your children.

Joint Custody with a Jerk is another good one.....

[olanna]

If you do, please hire one and fight like hell to get these kids into counseling asap. You might not be able to turn the tables without professionals helping the kids.

And I wish you all the best....never give up hope.