financial insanity

[antonin]

My divorce decree stipulated as follows concerning my ex's credit card debts:

"It is further ordered and adjudged that whenever this judgment requires Defendant to assume and pay a debt on which Plaintiff may be liable, including any individual and/or joint debt (assumed debt) Defendant, who is primarily responsible to pay the Assumed debt, shall arrange for plaintiff to receive copies of all regular statements and all notices of default relating to that debt, If Defendant fails to make any payment when due, Plaintiff, at her option, to protect her own credit rating, may make the required payment and seek an Order for spousal support as provided in this judgment of divorce."

"If defendant fails to pay any individual and/or joint debt assumed by him and plaintiff and plaintiff pays or is found liable to pay that debt, by court order or otherwise, then this Court shall order Defendant to pay spousal support to Plaintiff in an amount not less not more than the amount that Plaintiff is liable to pay on the debts."

Also a lien was placed on my house: I had to pay off ex's credit card debts to sell house.
My decree gave me 18 months from Jan. 02 to move within 20 miles of ex to commence 50/50 custody. In Aug of 2003 I signed a purchase contract to sell my house. I placed a deposit on an apartment and was scheduled to begin living there Sept. 22. I packed up and was ready to move. Closing was set for end of Sept., but things went bad.  The purchaser's mortgage company would give us no information on the loan and kept stringing my real estate agent along. I moved to the apartment. I was determined not to miss another year of daughter's school. I was still confident the deal would close. I found out at the END OF OCTOBER that the purchaser's loan was not approved. I put the house back on the market, although it was slipping into foreclosure. I just could not afford to make an apartment payment and a mortgage payment, pay the ex 2600.00 a month, absorb the added cost of gas commuting 130 mi RT to work each day and added cost of being with daughter 50% of time.  I stopped paying my ex's credit cards and my own. The house was foreclosed. I am presently filing bankruptcy. There is a 6 mo. Redemption period in my state.  I placed the house on the market at 20,000.00 below market value. A buyer appeared. The problem was, there would not be enough money from house to pay off ex's debts and hence transfer title.

My bankruptcy attorney prepared a release of lien that my ex signed. The money left over from the sale was placed in his escrow account along with a stipulation that he would use the funds to negotiate with ex's creditors in an attempt to settle her debts as per decree.

My decree calls for a 20% reduction (big deal) in CS once I move. I have been doing 50/50 since Oct., but have not filed for this yet, because I am waiting for the attorney to settle ex's debt.

1. If the attorney can settle ex's debts, can she asked the court to award her some type of punitive financial damages because I wrecked her credit? I am afraid she will do this (if she can) when I file for the CS reduction.

[MixedBag]

She probably could.....put yourself in her shoes.

You would go after her too IF this happened to you.

[antonin]

I really expected an objective assessment of the law and my decree as written. Please do not take this the wrong way, but I feel that your reply implied that I had somehow deliberately wrecked my ex's credit, or had much of a choice in the matter. Here is the total story for your consideration:

Ex snatched my daughter  Sept. 01. Loots house. Takes all possessions. Moved 65 miles away to ex's father's.  Ex filed ex parte for sole custody and EOW. Child support of 246.00 a week and temp custody to mother.
I filed for custody.
Wife enrolled herself and daughter (6 years old at the time) in a women's shelter after filing.
Ex claimed I was physically abusive to daughter and herself.
FOC investigator recommended 50/50 placement.
Mother refuses to move back to area where daughter grew up and where I lived and worked. Stipulated agreement gave me 18 months to move 65 miles to within 20 mi of  ex's residence to implement 50/50.  I took all bills, including ex's 64,000.00 student loan, her credit cards, my loans and credit cards, 246.00 a week CS,( for 3 years, child support is calculated as though mother had sole custody, regardless of father's parenting time with child), 200.00 a week alimony (for 3 years), and paid 665.00 a month for ex's truck and car insurance. I put house on market April 03. Purchase agreement signed. House deal goes bad in Sept 03. (Buyers do not qualify and I find out 1 day before I am scheduled to move). The choice is between my daughter and a measure of  financial stability. I move to apt. in child's area. I begin 50/50 custody Fall 03 and drive 130 mi. RT to work each day. I file bankruptcy. My  house is repossessed. I sell house during redemption period. Loose all my equity. I have barely enough to pay off ex's bills as per decree. After the ex was awarded 2600.00 a month in alimony, CS, etc. etc., I was short way over 2000.00 a month for basic living expenses as in rent, food, and gas. I managed for a while by getting instant loans at those check cashing places and paying them 440.00 a month in interest charges. My take home pay is 5000.00 a month net  (5000-2600 to mother=2400-1500 a month joint credit debt=900-700.00 for mother's student loan payment=-200-1000.00 a month rent=-1200.00-500.00 gas=-1700.00,etc. etc.)

 If you examine the details of the above, you can deduce that this financial ruin is a direct result of the mother's actions: using the court system to legally kidnap my daughter and move her 65 miles away and using daughter as a cash cow to enable the mother's own support. The mother still does not work! You will also see that I paid a great financial price to be with my daughter, but I'd do it again the same way if I had to.  My expenses for my daughter are over 1000.00 a month. I am essentially paying child support twice, since CS is calculated as though mother had sole custody and does not account for 50/50. Additionally, I have 500.00 a month gasoline expenses commuting 130 RT to work each day. I will be paying on ex's student loan (not dischargeable in bankruptcy) until I die and beyond. I am 54 years old. My daughter is 8. My retirement is ruined. My house is gone: it would've been paid off in 9 years and I would have had a place to live in my old age. The reason I agreed to this was that I knew I would get the 50/50 if I did. I allowed it to happen because I had a lousy lawyer and could not change because of finances. I thought best to give ex the money, get the 50/50 agreement rather than fight this thing for 5 years and let time slip away. I am 54 years old: my daughter is 8: I will not have the luxury of being around as long as younger parents. Understand?

I would certainly not take ex to court if her damaged credit was a result of my own actions. I can assure you, much worse has happened to me than a blemished credit record.  
 
As to my relationship with my daughter, I currently have alternate weeks custody with ex. I spend more quality time with her than does her mother, who drags her to work with her everyday where she is a nanny and has to take care of a crippled woman and her two kids. I am a professor and do not teach in july/aug; all time is with daughter...day and night

I have:

spent hundreds of hours just talking to daughter about her world
taken my daughter to church 3 times a month/had her participate in the church play
enrolled her in Montessori programs in summer
taken her to dance lessons every Saturday for 3 hours during the school year: at her recital she received a perfect attendance certificate.
helped her with her homework more than her mother has or can: Her grades have gone from C and Ds to As since I have had 50/50.
taught her to ride a bike, rollerblade,swim, skateboard,hoola hoop, gyrobix, and ski (lessons)
read books to her (and her to me) that are quality children's books...winners of the Newberry award, etc.
taught her prayers to say before bed
introduced her to watching movies actively, not passively...introduced her to classic films (I am a professor of film and theater)
enrolled her in musical theater
taken her to kid's haunted houses for Halloween, corn mazes, amusement parks, plays, to see David Copperfield the magician (she developed an interest in doing magic tricks after that)
taught her how to care for her fish, hamster, and dog
taught her how to use a computer
taken her camping, canoeing, etc.
taught her how to take videos and still pictures
taught her puppetry
enrolled her in piano lessons and am helping her learn how to read music
bought her toys that make a happy childhood
bought her winter clothes, coats, boots, etc: ex takes her to salvation army!
ditto for summer stuff and clothes
introduced her to astronomy (telescopes, model of solar system, etc)
complied hundreds of songs so she will have her own music
on an mp3 player, since her worthless mother spends hundreds per month on cds for herself and boyfriend
kept photo albums, scrapbooks (mother has no time)
taken her to all dentist and doctor appointments (mother has no time)


So....I think I've paid enough to be a real dad in my daughter's life and do a better job of it than her mother and I don't feel a damn bit guilty about ex's
blemished credit record. After all...she made out pretty well...no bills...no responsibility for any marriage debt, and a 2600.00 a month nearly tax free income stream...pretty good for someone who did not work during the marriage.
And no.....she did not take care of our daughter fulltime...the custody evaluator acknowledged me as the primary caretaker in his evaluation.



 

[MixedBag]

You said:

"I really expected an objective assessment of the law and my decree as written."

You got it.  If your actions ruined her credit, then I'd say "Yep, she could come after you."

You said:

"Please do not take this the wrong way, but I feel that your reply implied that I had somehow deliberately wrecked my ex's credit, or had much of a choice in the matter. "

I didn't SAY or even IMPLY that at all.....c'mon.

Your explanation of what really happened and how it goes back to her actions is your defense when she tries to invoke the stuff in the decree.

(I think you will prevail....)

If the shoe was on the other foot, you would react the same way.

If my EX took over a joint account and failed to pay that debt even though the divorce decree gave it to him, and I ended up paying the joint debt....I would take him back to court to try to enforce what the divorce said.  It's no different.

[antonin]

Okay.

But...her debts will be paid (hopefully).  Since there was not enough money to pay off her debts from the sale of the house as stated in the decree. (I had to sell it fast (before redemption period expired) at 20,000.00 below market value. I had my bankruptcy attorney draw up a document (which she signed) that negated the provision that her debts be paid before the house could be transfered. The document also stated that the house sale funds would be placed in the attorney's escrow account and he would use the money to negotiate payment of her debts with her creditors. I think he will be able to settle with them.
So the only thing she would be able to get me for is her blemished credit, which i do not think she can do by invoking the decree. That is not addressed in the divorce decree. (Only what will happen if I do not pay her bills is addressed: if she pays them or gets a judgement against her; they become alimony). I will not be in contempt once the bills are paid.  All the credit cards she applied for and charged up were based on my income.