Should I ask for an increase?

[Sunshine1]

I have a nagging question maybe you all can help with.

I have been debating whether or not to ask for an increase in CS.  I am a CP and a CP SM, we have 4 kids between us.  NCP BM does not pay anything, she lives on the system and is in major arrearages, so there is no hope on that end.  She will get what is coming to her when the time is right.

My ex however is always on time with support, has never been late, and I have always dismissed any kind of re-evaluation that has come up.  The only thing that I have accepted is the regular cost of living increase, and he is absolutely ok with that.

My problem now is he has re- married and his children are no longer his priority.  I include him in EVERYTHING, we had a very amicable relationship, we are not your typical divorced parents.  Except that has all come to a hault as well.  New wife would like for me to just disappear.

Now the tables have turned and he is no longer as involved as he used to be.  He would provide school shoes, haircuts, coats etc and half of the school clothes, above child support, and we had agreed to those items long ago and have done it that way since the divorce.  He is to pay half the daycare bill and won't do that now either.

He has since told me he wants 50/50 custody, which would be fine with me if he was asking for it for the right reasons, one of which is to get out of paying CS.  He wants 50/50 except with 10 % of the responsibility.
He also lives 1/2 hr away so we could not have a week on and a week off type of thing.

He could of had the chidlren for the entire summer and they came home on the weekends, and they were back in a week because the new wife couldn't handle our youngest son.  He is a special needs child.

He is not wheel chair bound or very high maintance, he just requires a 3rd eye on him at all times.  He has now required things we never thought he would need and he is growing like wild fire.  The support that was ordered was for 5 years ago for a job he was making 10.00hr for.  He has since retained a waaay better job and makes over 25.00 hr. or more.

I feel bad for asking for the increase and rocking the boat.  I have asked for the things that I can not provide but he just keeps telling me...the next paycheck, the next paycheck.  What should I do?

I need a little more help with the kids, should I put in for the increase?

Thanks for any and all input in advance!!

[joni]

50/50 won't necessarily get him out of child support...if he makes more money than you, he may be accessed some child support to bring up the children's standard of living when they're with you to his par.  so, you need to relay that message to him.

sounds like your Ex has a miserable new marriage.  I would be miserable if I were him...having to coddle his whiny new wife and put off my children to keep it happy at home.  uuggghhh!

You say you have an amicable relationship.  Can you arrange to get together with him and discuss the turn of events?  You sound like a reasonable, objective person given the way you presented your scenario.  Give him an opportunity to make it back up to you, like he use to, before you have to go the court route.

[KAT]

Do you work for a paycheck? I think this is one thing we need to take into account before giving our opinions.

KAT

[olegeezer]

I think you should let them have their honeymoon, first, don't be so quick. If you do, it could look to the judge like you're just jealous that they married. Let them build their stability! If you help break down their marriage, it may likely put him in jeopardy financially, and then you'll be sharing that misery, as well. Just back off for their first year. He's not going to forget he has a kid with you, but his current marriage has to get built.

BTDT.

[Sunshine1]

Yes, I work a full time job.  I didn't before last year though because of our son.  No one would watch him in daycare or he would get kicked out because he was a handful in his younger years.  Then he attended half days at school and the after school program provided him with an aide so I have had a "full time" job for a year.  I used to work nights and weekends when they were gone at their dad's before this job to make ends meet and t get out of the house. My DH during those years was self-employed and the money was not an issue.  He made enough to support us all and then some....Sept 11th put his business under.

[Sunshine1]

See that is just it.  I do not want to go the court route AT ALL.  he knows his support could be increased dramatically and I know he is trying.  He inherited another whole family and had a new baby.  I know he is trying, but he has forfeited his time and thinks he no longer has to do these things for his kids anymore.  It just irritates me I guess.  

I am glad he has found someone finally, but she would rather I be dead and never existed.  I can get along with her but she wants us to act "like how normal divorced parents should act"?? can someone please tell me how that is exactly?  

I have tried to discuss this with him, several several times, that is what the problem is.  I was married to him, he is absolutely HORRIBLE  with money, which is why divorce came into play.  We were basically homeless but hey we have this huge TV and a cool car..UGGHH!  Sorry went off on a tangent there.

I really don't want to rock the boat, but his children need things too, and I am willing to work anything out I can with this situation but when we work somthing out then his wife trips out and calls me and then..whole thing down the drain...  HELP

[Sunshine1]

Not jealous at all..other way around.  They met on the internet, got married after 3 months of marriage, just had a baby and will be married eight months this month...she HATES ME and ther is no reason for it.  I am a very friendly person.

I don't want him to struggle.  I provide the things like diapers for our son while there.  He receives disability monies and I am always helping get his home adaptable for our son so he does not have to pay for any of it because I know he can't afford it, which is silly because I know he can!

They are always dumping the kids off here to go on trips and they just bought a new van.  They pay 200.00 a month in rent for crying out loud.  Our kids need some shoes is all I am asking for and his half of daycare.

I just find it hard to choke down the trips to the North while I am bustin my A$$ to get the kids ready for school when 2 pairs of jeans for each of them from Target cost half of their child support.  Makes ya crazy.

Thank you for your advice.

[raf]

First, enforce the order that you already have concerning daycare expenses.

Secondly, you ask for an increase in CS for YOUR children if the current contributions from you and your ex cannot meet YOUR children's needs.

YOU DO NOT ASK FOR AN INCREASE SOLELY BECAUSE THE OTHER PARENT'S BEHAVIOR MAKES YOU MAD!!!!

That is the impression I got from your posting, that you are considering this because he is not living up to your expectations.

If you have a valid reason for asking for an increase, why are you so hestitant to use the courts?

The fact that your stepkids BM contributes nothing for their care is not a consideration when determining if you and your ex should spend more on your children.

Tell your current hubby to go after his ex if his children need to be supported.

[olegeezer]

Absolutely gag-worthy, the pair of them. Wow. I know a guy who was like that but he was still married when he found his internet babe- he spent his life savings on her, left his wife and bought a convertible. He's alone, broke and drunk, now.

It's still looking like ill will is bringing you to ask your initial question. Can you make it sound like you just need more money to raise the kid, not related to them and their tacky, useless lives? If you can't separate the issues, just drop it until you can. You want to keep the tone of the court on your side. BTW, it keeps reading like ill will, all around, instead of focusing on the need. Maybe work on the emotional side some more. Dump a few feelings of hatred for how hard it is, what a jerk he is, and so forth. You keep writing things that are irrelevent and they're not going to help you, except to fester the anger you feel. You may feel it rightly, but it's twisting the question you asked. If you let go of the anger, you'll still need to pursue the money you need to raise the kids. As if I know so well after reading a few posts of yours.... Just doing the reading here. Don't hold me to it if I've got a sereious lack of information, ok? ;) Good luck.

[KAT]

Why not send him a certified letter (pick up by way of HIS SIGNATURE ONLY, ID REQUIRED) showing what the courts COULD make him pay as compared to what you are willing to settle for. Print it all out, but do note that your income if part time would be imputed as full time. Simply put, do you really think it's fair that you had luxury of being a SAHM (he didn't have that choice) while he worked & increased his income working for *the man* daily? AND paying taxes on what he made? We've got to fair here even if the OTHER party is not. If you had worked instead of being home you would have been making more money by now too. I hope you unnderstand what I'm saying.  An agreement can be reached & filed with the courts for a judges signature. Once that happens it becomes a court order. You certainly do NOT sound like a cash cow to me.
Also, don't answer the phone if you think it's her....it only fuels the fire that people like that thrive on. Trust me, our life would be a living heck if I continued to let HER in.  I felt bad, but quickly got over it when I realized she need ME to make her day. Let them leave a message...then if it's good, keep it!!
:)
KAT