Why isn't BM paying child support?

[adassistant]

Well, SS15 has been living with us for about 1.5 years now, and the agreement was that she wouldn't have to pay cs. That was fine at the time, but dh just got laid off from his job, and now *I* am paying for SS's health insurance, and BM's not paying a single dime to help support her son. The good thing, at least I believe it's a good thing, is that she's threatening to go to FOTC because she wants her son to move back with her. Woo hoo! My thought is that no one's going to force SS to move back with the BM and then she will be forced to start paying cs! It seems like a win-win situation for us. I've done the calculations on the internet, and she'll be paying about $80/WEEK in CS! + $12/month for health insurance.

SS wants nothing to do with his mother. And now that he's 15, he can speak for himself.

Anything we should watch out for? I've been keeping a journal since DH and I have been married and another journal since SS has been moving in with us. It includes all of the nasty phone messages and threats of burning of SS's stuff etc. Anything else we should be doing?

[ocean]

Your Dh could file for CS modification due to change in circumstance since he is out of work. Does the current order address health isurance? Why was there no CS when custody changed? You are right not to be threatened by her going to FOTC but I do not think they will just start a CS order without you guys asking for one so start the paperwork :)

[Peanutsdad]

LOL, ocean,, I HAVE an order for cs,,,, bm has never paid a dime.

To make it even funnier,,, the AG office has "elected" to NOT pursue enforcement since they cant seem to serve her.

[adassistant]

There was no CS ordered because that was the only way she'd agree to the change in residence. You see, she's only worked about 6 months out of the last 4(5?) years and allows her mother to support her. Nice example she's showing her son huh? But now that DH isn't working, it's high time she started to help out with supporting her son. I pray she does go to FOTC. A problem that we have is that SS doesn't WANT us to get CS from her, but if she takes us to court, or whatever, then the judge will order her to pay about $80/week in CS + $12/month in health insurance.

[FLMom]

Oh ack. I know I'm gonna step in it now, but here goes. . . .

Since the time that your SS moved in with you, it's been comfortable. You and DH got what you wanted, ex got what she wanted, SS got what he wanted.

Until da money ran out.

Now all of the sudden you want someone who you KNOW has a history of not living up to her obligations suddenly start doling out the bucks?
I'm gonna be devil's advocate here, cause honestly, with a teenager I've lived part of this. . .

If you take this to FOTC you know what they're going to say? You asked for this, now you've got it. Deal with it. When you take on the responsibility (and boy did you fully take it on when you started a precident of no CS) it's a done deal. They'll ask your husband why HE'S not working, and suggest he should do what he has to to live up to HIS responsibility.

Unless there is a "substantial change in circumstances" they won't change diddly. And "temporarily" losing a job (which is how they'll call it) is not means for that change.

Now, you asked what you should watch out for? In all honesty, your SS. You said you KNOW he wants to live with you and you KNOW he doesn't want you to try to get CS out of his mom, right? Kids will pick the easiest route, and it may be that he doesn't want any waves made right now because he's playing both sides of the fence. Yep, you heard me right. Your dear SS can say "I wanna stay here" and "I don't want anything from her" to your face, but in actuality it could be something different.

1) Whew. Both sides are happy now cause I've told both that I want to live with them.
2) If Mom has to give dad CS, she won't be able to slip me extras under the table.
3) If they all get together in one room their gonna figure this out so let's put this off as long as possible.

No, I don't know your SS. Yes, this is within the realm of possibility. Teenagers from time to time have been known to be sneaky---believe it or not! :-)

Good Luck,
FLMom

PS- No, I'm not a pain in the tush. I'm a realist.

[adassistant]

You know what? I agree with you. It just gets so frustrating sometimes and I need to vent. The most important thing is SS's happiness. And it'll only be a couple more years before he's an adult. Even if she was ordered to pay CS, she wouldn't pay it.

Thanks for your post.

Although, I truly feel that if we were to go to court, she'd be ordered to pay cs.

[Hazel]

I completely agree with you.  I have been burned by a teenager before as well, and they are definitely capable of stacking the deck in their own favor.  They are also, unfortunately, all too experienced at fence sitting.

If the kid doesn't WANT CS paid by Mom, that could be a real problem.  Mom's new financial hardship (CS) is going to cause him to feel guilt, and could cause him to jump ship even at his own expense.


Hazel

[backwardsbike]

Boy have you got it right about teen agers!  Ya know yer stuff!!