should I be mean

[curious564]

Hi all,

Just so I don't get flamed - let me explain.  I was an NCP when I came to Sparc and finally gained custody of my daughter when she turned old enough to speak her preference.  Since that time, I divorced and offered my ex 50/50 time with our boys - he would have had no support obligation as we are equivalent in salary.  He decided to move four hours away to a remote area where there was no possibility of me finding work, and I kept custody of the children but now he has a support obligation.

I calculated roughly the support obligation and it was close to what he offered to pay voluntarily so that he would not have to use CSA.  Every summer he has 5-6 weeks of visitation with the boys and since he controls the cash he reduces his obligation 72%.  His reasoning is that he has the daycare expense now.  I'm like WTH! because daycare is now the smaller obligation.

I recalculated the obligation with the income percent and percent responsibility (50% each) then added in a realistic total of my daycare yearly less his cost for the daycare that he would have to pay while they stay with him and the obligation averaged over 26 yearly payments is what he pays without the yearly reduction.  

Should I be a total witch and demand that continue to pay his obligation without taking his annual reduction?  I feel sorry for him - I know what a harship it is to fork over loads of cash, but the bills are higher during the summer and it is hard to make ends meet when he does this.  

V.

[msjanbo]

Not to sound "mean", but the $$ is for the kids, not your bills at home.   My DH's PBFH is SUPPOSE to return ALL CS payments made during the summer months to him (she never has however), as the CS is for the kids and should be WITH the kids, whether they are with her (CP) or DH (NCP).  

Try to look at it this way - you have the same bills each month (granted, utilities change, but should be minimal).  If you have budgeted yourself accordingly to meet all those monthly bills INCL daycare, then you SHOULD have an overage during the time the kids are with him because you're not paying for daycare.  See where I'm going with this?  

Be glad that he's still sending you anything, because legally (and yeah, it might suck for you), he wouldn't have to send you ANY $$ during that time.  At least from our experience, that's the way things go.

[beststepmomever]

I totally hear you... summer day care kills me and DH every year... it more than doubles - $960 a month EXTRA is a lot... I say put everything in writing and have it go through the courts. Because at any time he can say, oh well, I don't feel like helping out with the kids anymore since I don't see them enough - and just like that - he will stop paying support... and as much as I agree that the support is for the kids... the kids use electricity and eat the food and take showers and need a place to live too...

Get it all written down... even if it just the way it is now... at least that way you know it won't change.

Good Luck!

[awakenlynn]

My DH is also the NCP, and the judge wrote our order that in the summer months when we have DD, the child support abates.  I do not know how often this happens, but if you have the right judge, they may determine to do the same thing.  He has the child(ren), you are lucky he hasn't stopped the entire amount during that time and that you are still getting something.

[curious564]

I AM lucky, which is why I don't want to rock the boat.  However I would have an excess those weeks and it would have paid for the doubling daycare costs at the end of the summer when they are back with me.

I'm thinking that I should sign up for one of those energy plans that average your usage and you pay the same amount every month.

I'm sure that if a judge looked at this he would increase the ex's payment - because we both make more money now.  I don't want him to struggle though.  He should count himself lucky because if he wanted abatement for the summer weeks his support would increase $50 the rest of the year.

Maybe I just feel like he should recognize the fact that I'm doing him a favor?  After all he's getting the 10% discount.  Wouldn't he feel good if he saved 10% shopping at Sears?

LOL

V.

[4honor]

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