We are losing my stepdaughter!

[overmancrew]

In August I became the luckiest step mother alive and was blessed with Maya.  I have known my husband now for a little over two years, and every moment has been a fight to keep Maya as part of his life!  It is taking a toll on him, on me, & on Maya.  My husband lived with his ex (never married) until Maya was 3, but then they both realized it was not going to work.  At this time they had child support set up because they were not married, but visitation/custody was never an issue.  We spent the past year and a half trying to even get visitation with his daughter.  His ex attempted to make false abuse claims, file restraining orders, and much more.  We have fought and beaten all of them, and we finally got overnight visits in June of 04'.  Immediately after our wedding in August we got a call from his ex that she needed to talk to us about a life chaning decision.  She has decided she and Maya are going to move to Montana (we currently live a mile away from her in Minnesota).  She filed a motion and we had court on Friday.  She has sole physcial and legal custody so we have the burden of proof...We need to prove it is not in Maya's best interest & that she would be endangered.  Is there any other way we can keep her here?  Does anyone know?? We have been fighting so hard, and nothing is paying off!

[c_alexander]

I faced about the same thing when my ex wife decided to move our 9 year old daughter Jessie over 1,000 miles away from me and ALL of her family and friends...all because my ex-wife met a new boyfriend out in Colorado. Anyway long story short in my case I hired the best lawyer in town, researched, documented everything, and provided the court with SOLID clean evidence that it was not in Jessie's best interests to move. I was told by Judge S. Brent Almon of Posey County, Indiana that if he did not let my ex wife move with our daughter it would violate her constitutional rights. When I asked him about my own constitutional rights he did not respond. Apparently that particular court does not believe non-custodial parents have rights. So rather then wasting all my time, money and effort on fighting my own case in courts that do not truly have our childs best interests at heart I am saving every penny I can to move from Indiana to Colorado to be with my daughter.

So what does all this mean in your case? Well, I won't lie to you the odds are probably not in your favor. I know that is not something you want to hear, but just from a statistical point of view, men in your husbands position are generally lucky to get visitation, let alone preventing a move. This is NOT to say that you can not win however. If you can prove the mother is unfit perhaps meaning she uses drugs, abuses the child, or is neglectful then perhaps you can not only prevent the move, but win custody. Short of that I would advise that you consider other options such as moving to Montana, or some other kidn of arrangements. In my case I got the judge to order that my ex wife pay for all of the travel expenses for our daughter to come to Indiana to see me, including gas money to and from teh airports. Also I got the judge to include unlimited e-mail access AND weekly scheduled telephone calls. These are important because everytime my ex wife is late in having Jessie call, or misses a phone call, or does not answer an e-mail I document that for future court battles.  I will be hones tthe phone calls, e-mails and letters are certainly no substitue for spending time with Jessie, but over the course of the last year and a half we have grown clsoer together through our letters and conversations.  Bottom line I guess is that regardless of what happens in court NEVER stop trying to be a part of your childs life. There will come a day mark my words when that child will realize jsut how hard you fought to be there for them and it will all be worth it. That child will see also the other parents fight to keep you both out of the picture and it will come back on them and bite them in the rear....trust me. I am beginning to see my own little girl fitting the pieces together herself. I do not discuss such things as the real reason mommy moved her so far away, or why mommy divorced daddy...she really doesn't need to hear it from me...she is learning it on her own as will your step daughter.

I wish you all the best in your struggle. Never give up!