getting fair treatment

[Robityson1]

Hi, this is my first post because I just joined.  I am a 28yo man who has been separated since may.  My son turned two last october.  My ex assumed she has custody because she's the woman.  I have not yet gone to court but am preparing to do so which is why I have joined this site.  My ex has always been a wild girl I found out.  When she was in her teens her family had to put her in foster care because they could not handle her.  

The reason that we aplit up is because I could not stop her from going out to the bars and lying and cheating on me the entire time.  Even when she was just sopposed to go to the store she stopped at the bar.  She is supposed to be on anti depressants but refuses to take them.  She also has a history of being violent and has attacked me sveral times and when I threaten to call 911 she says she will tell them that I am the abuser and you always see the guy going to jail on tv and in the news.  How soon until she lashes out at our son?  

I own my own home and have paid all the bills the entire time we lived together.  I basically feel that she took my son because to her he is her meal ticket.  She is in government housing and many many other programs.  

I have also been giving her $250.00 a month for support even though I spend 6 to seven hours a day with him and one day a weekend.  She is always hours early to drop him off and hours late to pick him up.  The time that she picks him up 10:00 at night, way past his bed time and mine and even asks me have him in his pajamas so she can put him bed as soon as she gets home.  She has him scheduled for daycare from 7 a.m. until 10 p.m. every day because she takes night classes.  It is my choice to get my son and I do so with out hesitation.  

Recently my son started calling every guy he is around daddy.  My ex once told me that when she was 17 she tried to write down the names of all the people she slept with and after 2 pages front and back she gave up.  I think she is subjecting my son to who knows how many guys around him which is why he has started calling every guy daddy.  We had an agreement to not bring anybody else into his life until he is older.  Well she admitted to bring guys home on a regular basis so I told her all aggrements were off.  This included the child support because custody has not been determined and no orders to pay have been given.  

I know she is going to school to better herself but that does not allow time for our son and what little time she has off she is always asking for more time away from our son.   She says it is just temporary but her nursing program is somewhere between 2 to 4 years long.   I think that even under the current way we are living that I should not have to pay support.

 I have been recording my time and expenses for my son since we separated and since my discovery of the sparc time tracker I have entered all the info and I have him 46% of the time and daycare has had him 26% the remaining 28% of the time is with his mother but most of that time he is asleep and she only wakes him up in the morning and drops him off at daycare where they feed him breakfast and sometimes lunch.  The rest of the time I feed him lunch and dinner and snacks, do his laundry, bathe him and brush his teeth.  

My question is do I have a chance of custody in Washington state?  I don't want to take my son from her but I want to be treated fair.  Maybe while she is going to school I can have custody and she can get visits any time she wants and after school we can have joint custody.  I am just so used to see the woman automatically get every thing she wants and the guy just gets screwed.  Can anyone honestly tell me if I have a chance or if I'm delusional and will never defeat the woman in the best interest of the child.

[almostastepmom]

I too live in WA state.  The first and most important thing I or anyone on this site will tell you is..........GET A LAWYER!  I know they cost money, alot of money, but it is well worth it.  Depending on what county you live in I could possably recommend one.  Try to seek out a women attorney, we have done our homework and they seem to have a better rep. with fathers.
The other thing you need to do and start doing it NOW is document, document, document.  Every time she is late, early, she says she can't take him, payments made to her, time spent with your son, etc.... WRITE IT DOWN.
I don't know what your chances are, but I will keep you in my prayers and good luck.

[wendl]

my case and my dh's case are both in WA State.  Let me know what county you are in, and hopefully I can refer you to a good attorney.

Also WHY is he in daycare at 7am if mom goes to night school?????

If you can take your son while she is in school I would, also ask for 1st right of refusal.

Keep documenting.

Again let me know what county you are in.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[c_alexander]

Not jsut any lawyer will do though. get a board certified family law practioner. They have to go through special testing and approval before they can be considered board certified and that extra knowledge can pay off big tiem in the long run. Sadly the courts seemingly care less if a mother is Promiscuous at least from what I have seen. Neither do they care what damage can be done to a childs mental health if numerous partners are brought intot he household on a regular basis (I brought in a child psychologist to court with me to explain to the judge what effects stuff like that has on kids and he blew it off). You are very smart to be using the time tracker here at Sparcs, and I might even add to further document every little thing you can about what she is doing and what you are doign for your child. My advice would be to continue building a case by getting all the evidence, information adn proof you can until such time as a laywer syas that you have a VERY solid case THEN try to win custody. If your lawyer tells you that you're going to win, then get a new lawyer...no good lawyer will ever tell you that.
Remember that knowledge is power and the more knowledge and information you have in this case to show the courts beyond a shadow of any doubt that it is in the best intersts of the child to be with you instead of the mother (which is much much more difficult then you would think) then I say go for it...

Good luck man

[Robityson1]

Thanks for all your tips.  I live in Skagit County and if any one could recommend a good lawyer for me I would really appreciate it.  Could someone explain to me what 1st right of refusal is?  My son goes to day care in the morning because his mother goes to work as a secretary by 8 a.m. and I usually go to work by 4:30 a.m. as a programming engineer.  I know this is really early but my work will work with me if I have my son overnight.

[backwardsbike]

Hi!  

I am in PA and can tell you that the woman does NOT always get everything.  I am an NCP mom who only gets to see her children 20% of the time.  I live only 20 minutes away.  I am a nurse and have a four year college degree in counseling and human development.  I have criminal and child abuse clearnaces.  It does happen.  Men do win custody.

So far you are oing all the right stuff.  Keep documenting.  Get close to the daycare provider.  They can give you all sorts of info if they are so inclined.  Always remember to document.  Ususally this is the key.  And one other piece of advice:  Get a barracudda of a lawyer.  Get absolutely the best certidifed family law attorney you can afford.

If you ever wantt o know more about how a mom can loose custody or if you ever want to know what NOT to do feel free to email me.  I think I must have made every mistake known to man ( or in this case-- woman).

[wendl]

I tried I don't know any attorneys in Skagit.

What 1st right of refusual is, you get the 1st right over anyone else (daycare etc) to care for your child while mom is at work or whatnot.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**