Help!

[aparker1014]

Ok..we sent a letter to the BM stating that we could not afford braces at this time for 2 children..or even one. We gave her an approximate dates that we would have the money (Feb. 2007 for SD and Feb. 2008 for SS). We even tried to meet her half way and told her that if she can sign an agreement, notarized, that we agree to her getting the braces for SD next month if she will agree that we can pay her our half in Feb. 2007. Here is her response...after all the other bills she sent us today totaling $415..all for medical..all due within 30 days (we get these bills at least twice a month and no none of the kids have any ongoing medical problems):

In addition, I have received your letter regarding the placement of SD's braces. I would be willing to sign a single-pay loan agreement, not just a notarized document, stating the terms of my financing the entire amount of SD's ortho treatment. I would insist on a loan document, as it is a binding agreement, and would specifically set out the terms of repayment, should there be a default. I would also wish to charge interest on this agreement. If I am to finance your portion of her medical care, then I am entitled to seek interest on the portian financed. Should you not wish to pay me interest, I would suggest that you seek a loan and pay that lend the interest. SD and SS have a medical necessity for braces, which will only be more involved and more costly the longer we wait. I believe I am being more than reasonable by trying to work with you regarding the re-payment; however, I will not become your financier without reasonable and customary compensation for this financing. Under our agreement I am only obliged to offer you 30 days for repayment, and this is quite a departure from that schedule. Please let me know immediately (within 3 days) of your intention, as SD's braces will be placed on May the 24th.

____

Ok..she is also obliged under the CO and PP that they make these decisions JOINTLY..and if a JOINT decision can not be reached to go to mediation.

We have told her over and over again that it is NOT possible for us to seek outside financing for braces for one child, let alone two children. With our credit record right now, no one is willing to lend us that much money. We are on the verge of filing bankruptcy!! Last year when she had oldest SS placed in braces, she paid the entire amount up front, when the original agreement between her and DH was that she would pay them monthly and we would pay her monthly. So, then we got stuck with a 2K bill we were supposed to repay within 30 days. We can not do that again. With her husband's settlement, she can buy and do anythign she pleases and we are stuck with half the bill with no say (even though they do have joint legal custody). If he hadn't gotten that settlement (2.3 million)..or even if she and DH were still married, there is no way they would be able to get the kids in braces this soon and this close together.

So..what do we do? Is there anything we can do to stop this? We told her last month that we would be picking up the kids from school on May 24th to take SD to get the second opinion on the braces (how long it can wait, etc.)...and then she goes and schedules her to be placed in braces on the same day!

WWYD? We have no money left over from DH's pay checks after paying all the bills, paying her these huge amounts of uncovered medical and extra curriculars. We have even had to go to food pantries for food alot.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. She is really taking advantage of the CO and everything. I know the money won't last forever, but in the mean time she is really financially ruining us..or trying to. Because if we don't pay her everything, she will take DH to court for contempt, where they will probably make him have an instant arrearage for all this stuff. We can't afford an atty, we can't afford to go to court, we can't afford any darn thing.

[ocean]

HI,
There is no dental coverage at all? How old is SD? Can you call this dentist and see what the payment will be? I am just starting this process and they are willing to work with me and pay them over two years. I would not sign a loan through her. The worst that will happen is she will bring you back to court for the amount owed and you can make arrangement with the state to pay it off. Often times, you can pay $10 extra until it is paid off. Good luck!

[aparker1014]

Yes there is dental coverage.  The amount that is owed after insurance has paid is a little under 4K.  For one child.  SD is 11 yrs old.  It has been suggested to me that we should send a certified letter to the ortho (with return receipt) that he is not to place braces on any of the kids without my DH's consent as per CO they have joint legal custody with joint decision makign authority in all respects..with the CO enclosed.  And that if he does place the braces without his consent, then we would sue him.  That should postpone it until we can see about making special arrangments with the ortho instead of thru BM.  If BM wants to pay her half up front, like she states, then we should be able to pay our half up front in Feb. of 2007.

We don't want to go to court because the last time we did, it was made into an instant arrearage.  If we have an arrearage that we can't pay off by Jan. 15th...then we forfeit our right to claim two of the kids on our taxes and what little taxs we get back would be taken....and it would probably still leave a large amount left to be owed.  We also can not afford that on our credit...can't bankrupt CS.

[leon clugston]

the beauty of joint legal custody, is it puts both parties at risk, not one, and also limits the intervention of outside interference from agencies. The joint legal custody also puts it more in favor of the disadvantage financial individual byt meaning this person can only be held responsible within there means, in this situation the means is what you have in income, a potential menas does not qualify under loans, loans are not a potential for it is only hearsay, and dependant upon credit. His ex, or her ex is blowing smoke, as far as her holdimng him in contempt, there is no contempt if you cannot exceed youre means, and if she wants to go to court, Dont consent, consenting to court is how these things happen, no judge can move forward without consent. No divorce can move forward without both parties consenting, it contract, you cannot terminiate a contract legally without both parties agreeing to an outside arbotrator, welcome to the legal world, the in and outs are simpler than most think, once you understand how the system is designed.any questions email .

[Genie]

call the orthodontist office and make arrangements for your DH to pay his 1/2 of the bill to them on a monthly basis.  So the $2K would be directly paid to them over say 22 months at $91 per month.  I don't know how long she will need braces for but that is an estimate.

Then BM can choose to pay her 1/2 up front to them if she wants to and you will not owe her any money.  Let her know you have made these arrangements with the office and tell her she is only responsible for her 1/2 and if she pays the full amount anyways, she will receive the amount you set up with the dentist on a monthly basis.

You can do this.  I did it with X's children.  Most places are very cooperative and are happy to get their money without any hassles.  And all orthodontists take monthy payments so this shouldn't be an issue at all.

Call then now.

[Genie]

and get this resolved and in writing.  Then you don't have to worry.  Go in with all the information.  You shouldn't have to stress about all this.  It should be cut and dry and mediation will help with that.

As for the "loan paperwork", I would tell her that she can pay her 1/2 how ever she wants but you will be paying yours monthly directly to the ortho.  I have really found it is the best all around to just pay your portions to the provider instead of to the BM.  That is what I always did in the past.  Then you have proof that it was paid and you don't have to deal with BM about it all the time.

I however, wouldn't send the certified letter to the ortho.  She has custody of the kids even though DH has joint legal. That really doesn't mean much.  If she can prove it is medically necessary then the court isn't going to hold it up and wait for when you can pay.  

[aparker1014]

DH sent off the letter to the ortho yesterday! The best we are hoping for is a delay until DH can get over there and try and make arrangements with the ortho for his half.  

We are going to see if we can pay our half in full in Feb. 2007 since BM is paying her half up front at the time braces are placed.

Either way, DH will try and set up his half with the ortho instead of with BM.  If the letter doesn't work, then it doesn't.  We hope it does though..we would really like that second opinion before the braces are placed.

[aparker1014]

Oh and we did send a letter to BM stating that we are requesting mediation if they can not come to an agreement before the braces are scheduled to be placed.  Thanks!