Looking for advice about situation

[bigjp24]

Ok, here is the deal. I have a 2 year old interracial son. I'm the white the father. Basically, I'm tired of supporting my girlfriend. She is a deadbeat. She has had 2 jobs in our 3 years together. On her behalf I will admit she is a great mother. She has threatened that if we break up I will never see my son again, and sadly I believe this is the case. The very reason why we are still together. Whenever she has had a job I have been supportive, and actually cut down on my hours to watch our son.   Anyways, to the point - I live in KY and attend college full-time and have a part time job. Money is tight since I have been supporting all of us on a meager income of about 200 dollars a week. We just lost our food benefits, because she actually got a decent job. Right after we lose them she quits. I know if I break it off she will move back to IN with her mother.
The town she lives in is breeds lowlifes. Some of her brothers are actually in jail for robbery and illegal possession of firearms. I know if he goes with her he will end up with the wrong crowd. At best he will end where I am today. 26 years old and trying to fix past mistakes, and I don't want that for him. I know this, because his mother is unmotivated, and the town is just full of lowlifes.
 She used to be a pothead before she had our son, so I am pretty sure she will revert. I have smoked pot about 20 times in the past 7 years, and 0 in the past 2, once in the past 3 years. I don't drink or smoke, whereas she does smoke. I don't want full custody as I know thats aiming far too high, and family court judges only care about the women not the children. I want to know can I stop her from going to IN, or am I screwed? What kind of custody could I be looking at? I feel if I am in his life at least some I can be a postive influence to try and steer him straight. I fear if I am forbidden contact with him over the years the love and responsibility I feel for him will wane, and I will not be there for him when he needs me. Particularly out of bitterness to the system, and the fact thats just what time does when your not with someone.
Some facts about us are that we both have no criminal record, she has an associates degree from some technical college, I'm in nursing school, this is my 3rd year in school, I've mentioned the drug history. I've had my current job almost 2 years. I have been terminated twice in the past from various places due to smart alec comments. I am broke, and I will be susceptible to any insults that come along with that. I've noticed on reality court tv shows they love to bash the man for not lavishing the woman in gold. I just can't do that to someone I'm not in love with. I stayed, because I love my son so much and she claimed she would be responsible. Bascally, I just want to move on from an unmotivated woman that unfortunately bore me the thing that I love above all else.
As you can see I'm not perfect. I feel the situation is bad, because I have no money. I think the judges will look down on that even though she has never had a job for more than 2 months. Despite me being poor I am a good guy, and I will have a decent job when I graduate in 2 years. I hope someone can give me some good advice.

[Brent]

>I want to know can I stop her from going to IN, or am I screwed?

1) Get an experienced family law/father friendly attorney ASAP.

2) Get a restraining order to prevent the child from leaving the State.

3) File a parenting plan.

You have an uphill climb, but it's not an imposible one.

One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is crucial, and these pages will help get you started. Some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information:

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney  ***
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney ***
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody  ***
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

Some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information. Also, get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.

[c_alexander]

You could think like most women do and milk her for every buck you can get out of her until you get out of school, wait until she is in an awkward position then file for divorce and take temporary custody of the child. Seems to work very nicely for the ladies.

Ok sarcasism aside, seriously a divorce is expensive. Without money to hire a lawyer you are leaving yourself open to be raped by the system. DO NOT count on legal aid, the lawyers stink mostly and more often then not if you made a dime last month you don't qualify. I would suggest to really think this through, get more advice from the experts and investigate jsut how much it is going to cost you monetarily AND emotionally.  

If you do decide to go through with it all, be prepared if things get bad. more often then not these things can get very messy very quickly...Lawyers and judges do not care one bit whos lives they mess with only that they are getting a paycheck. If you think otherwise then you got a lot to learn.

I wish you the best in your situation, although I must admit I do not envy the road that lies before you.

[msme]

That they are not married. He is already screwed.

Have you established your paternity? If not, that is the first thing you must do. Since you are not married, you have no rights to the child. Establish paternity & then file a restraining order to prevent her from leaving the state, with the child, until custody is in place.

This will not be easy. With your income, it will be nearly impossible to afford a decent lawyer. Do you have family who can help. Your son is depending on you to fight for him.

You have come to the right place. Educate your self. There is lots of important information on this site & lots of great people who will help you as much as possible, so keep coming back.

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[c_alexander]

I guess it would have helped for me to read the original post better. Sorry. If you 2 aren't married then from what I understand you are even worse off then I thought. I had a friend here in indiana who had a couple kids unmarried and although they would soak him dry for child support, they didn't give him ANY other rights to the child. He couldn't get visitation or anything. I don't know if things have changed since then or if Kentucky is much different than indiana.

I tell you it's stuff like this that makes so many parents kid nap their own children. If the lawmakers understood this and made things better for ALL involved in these cases it would make things better. Makes me sick jsut thinking about it. Wish I could do more for you man. Good luck .

[LizaLou1]

Why not get married then?  Probably a million reasons not to, but in the balance be the best.  Tough situation, sorry.

LizaLou

[Avaya]

Well, I"m sorry that everybody else seems to smell defeat in your situation.  I on the other hand believe you are in a unique position to get what you want.     Yay!  Fist off, keep on trucking as is.  Don't let on to her that you want to split up.  Document your care of the child - including when you have to take off work to take care of him (even though is mother is a SAHM).  document the things you do for him (keep a journal at work so the mom wont see it.  "Today I bathed child and spent 30 minutes reading to him.  Then after work I took him for a walk in the park.  When we got home there was no dinner on the table so I cooked soup for us and we ate together.").  document the times you take him to the doctor or to extracurricular activities.  You're in your 3rd year at school, just keep it up and get a good job.  After graduation, find an attorney and present your stuff to him/her and go from there.  You can do ANYTHING when you see an end to it - you can stay with this woman (I wont preach to you about the immorality of a sexual relationship outside of marriage) for the short term when you know it's for the good of your son.  Bond, bond, bond with him in the meantime.