dad wants to parent too just want 50/50

[twohomesoneheart]

Hi

My first time here.

Basically we have spent the last year trying to make my husbands ex feel as involved in the kids life on our time to increase contact of both parents on each others time.  My husband..and I truly believed that the more contact the kids have with both homes and both parents and step sibling the better.  I am convinced this is still so.  

The father has given the motherthe  childrens activities, schedules and locations and welcomed to come by and watch, be introduced and have a little extra contact, when they are on his time.  We encourage any type of phone call from their extended family...the mother's grandparents..welcome to call.  Aunts uncles cousins step siblings...call any time.  Other step siblings are invited to go on beach trips, overnights birthday parties etc.  These invites have never been accepted.

This is absolutely not recipricated.  In addition, we are regularly taken to court to take time away from the father.  As far as she is concerned this family does not exist.  She resents any bonding that occurrs with the father, step mom and siblings.

We just went through four mediation meetings and it was her way or no way.  If she wasn't comfortable, it wasn't going to happen.  No big surprise but we are headed into the gut wrenching adventure of family court.

The children are currently 10 and 7 years old.  Parents have been seperated since they were 6months and 3 years old.  For the last three years the father has the kids on his days off.  it is a rotating schedule as he is Police.  When the father does have weekends off she gets the kids for one of his weekends.  For the last two years and through mediation he has simply asked for and has tried to negociate trading those two days instead of just taking them from him.  She absolutely refuses.

Today in mediation she claimed that the children were afraid of him and the girl felt second rate in his home.  This is the same woman that consistenly lies to the kids about their father.  The mother told her second grade daughter that he shoved her.  She fabricates malicious lies about the father and yet
has a fit when it is recommended that the boy sees a school counselor.  We were fine with it.  She thought it detrimental to him.  When the mediator suggeted today that we have the kids come in to talk to her about  what they would want out of visitation.. The mother was not ok with that.  

We have worked and prayed for over two years now that she would settle down, that she would see this totally messes with the kids and that these kids need their father as much as their mother.

We need a fabulous attorney from san diego
We want to continue to battle for the peace of these beautiful children and disregard our need to win or satisfy our egos.
We want to secure for these kids their right to live without a constant battleground.
We may want to try to attain primary custodianship to help assure these things.
We want 50/50 visitation regardless of the rotation of the schedule.  A 5-2 schedule.

We want to remain sane in the meantime.

I am discovering a whole world of people in our same shoes.  

Any advice?

Please?:)


 

   

[user39]

Hi,
I don't know if he's fabulous but he did a good job for a friend of mine and focuses on father's rights.
Carl Hoppes 619-231-9500
Good Luck!

[twohomesoneheart]

Thanks so much for taking the time to read through our scenario and give us a recommendation.  I just sent an e-mail and will definitely be following through.

thanks Again

[jcaveman]

I would be careful in sharing your time with her if she is combative.  Some unruly spouses (either gender) use this to then make a claim to diminish your time.  since you may be going back to court, keep a log/journal of everything--when you have the kids, etc.

You would think that the court mediator will see that her not agreeing to therapy, social services, and such would be a cause for alarm.  Unfortunately, you can never be sure.  document your desires for the help you kid needs through the mediator and court papers.  It may pay off in the long run.

best of luck!  let me know if you know of a fabulous attorney in Vista as I will be going through the same thing shortly.

[twohomesoneheart]

Funny you should mention Vista.  Had to let you know that in this months edition of San Diego The best of Attorneys was it's feature.

I will be contacting this attorney just to see what they say about our case.

The attorney that we did speak to and may retain simply states that especially in CA the courts are leaning towards a default Joint custody and visitation.  I do have teachers past and present writing letters regarding involvement.  

Anyway here is the address of the attorney mentioned in the Mag

These attornay and there weren't very many listed for family law, were voted on by their peers including some judges that paticipated.



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