Up the Ante

[Rightfully Dad]

It's been over 5yrs. and the lawyers are still involved. Our difficulties have nothing to do with the children and everything to do with not accepting life as it is. We both have new partners and I imagined that once she became engrossed in someone else our difficulties would ease. That didn't happen. The stage has been reset. Instead of the single abused Mom, it is now the overcaring, irrational, absolute mother. All of this is the same lie in a new mask. Not liking each other is okay, not agreeing with each other is acceptable, but, attempting to destroy the other parent because their presence has become an inconvenience, displays a deep seated sickness. Our  systems; legal, DHS, and communities, have conveniently turned a blind eye to all of her (child of an alcoholic) behaviours.
I on the other hand have been forced to walk a tight rope. On one side of the line is my self imposed restraint and fear and on the other side, a perceived societal  stereotypical belief that Dad's are inherently angry and violent. One thing is for certain, my anger over the past has been transformed. My position that I wanted nothing to do with a ex-partner has turned around. I have sought and received  professional assistance in comming to terms with my feeling of betrayal, codependency and lack of self esteem. I willingly entered into an agreement with this person, albeit a silent one, that we would mirror our realities to each other. The indwelling monster I looked at didn't cause me to run. Although the task is not complete, the journey has started to deliver joy. My outward situation may not change but I am the master of my destiny within, and that realization has made a world of difference for me. Passing down my lessons of healing to my children is my obligation. I feel I can assist them with the difficulties of a divided family, one I helped create, and allow them a decent shot at life. Fortunately, I have shared parental rights and responsibilities.