Court yesterday--this is long

[tulip]

DH got joint physical custody! BM showed up w/o atty, pissed off. She told dh's atty that she had already agreed to give him joint custody and go to mediation, she only wanted him to wait until she was done w/school, and said she is not done now. This doesn't make any sense, she's been saying she would be done in two weeks for 2 months. Dec 3 was her last day, and she has told dh she was graduating. I think she's getting her LPN, but wants to continue for her RN. Anyway, she also told atty that dh has been taking the kids every other week. Lie. This is the first week he has been able to keep them.

She told the judge that he is wonderful w/ the kids, and agrees to them having joint custody. They both had to testify that they can get along and respect each other, that was the hardest part. Atty didn't want to bring up any of the things they had been fighting over, because he couldn't believe this was happening so easily. They are still to go to mediation to work out all the details.

They were already arguing last night. She is playing mind games w/the kids. Making them sad because the judge said she can't take them to Alaska for Xmas. They didn't even really want to be away from home on Xmas, but she just has to tell them that GP and GM are going to miss them so much and make them feel really bad. So ss got really sad and wanted to go spend the night at his mom's. No. We're not changing everything at the last minute because moods change. What they need is stability, and now bm can't take that away from them anymore. If they end up back in court because they can't make this work, there will be no joint custody. The judge made that very clear. BM knows if they can't have joint custody, he is going for full, and she is scared as hell about that. She tried to get herself a free lawyer and couldn't get one.

The issue of cs came up briefly. The judge said that all dh would have to do is ask for a review hearing, and the HV formula would be applied. Then someone brought up the fact that he had said he would continue paying the same amount for some time while she was in school. Don't know how that's going to work out yet. His atty is drawing up the order, and he said he would word it in the most advantagious way for him. He told atty afterward that he does not her going to school for the next 8 years so she can keep collecting a large amount of child support from him. The good thing is, she can't get it raised now. If she asks to have it reviewed, it will go down. And you can bet he will ask to have her income imputed. Nurses are in great demand, and there is no reason she can't be working full time at least during the weeks that the kids are here.

[spinner]

WOW this is really good for you, I am glad.

I am interested to know how bad it was at first and how it went or manage to go from this to shared physical custody?
I can't see my ex ever wanting to agree on changing the custody so I am interested to know how you did it

[tulip]

Their divorce took years because they were fighting about custody of the kids. They went to mediation unsucessfully, then a custody eval through the county. This was totally biased, made bm look like supermom and dh look like a piece of crap. So she got custody. They settled after they got the eval because dh's atty at the time advised him that the court wouldn't go against the evaluator's recommendation.

Over the last couple years, the amount of time dh spends caring for the kids has increased steadily. She is always asking him to take the kids extra time because she wants to go out or is sick. In 2002, I convinced dh to start documenting all the time he spends with the kids because she was threatening to move them to Alaska. She apparantly was told by an atty up there that it would be no problem to get a court order to move them because of the "minimal" time he spends with them.

That summer, she started jacking him around with his visitation, so we consulted an atty. He told him to never, ever refuse to take the kids when she asked for any reason. He wouldn't touch the case until the divorce had been final for 2 years. That was May of this year.

BM has been attending school and that's mostly why she has asked dh to take the kids so much. (Though a lot of this time, she hasn't even been attending school--like this summer.)

Last December she told dh she felt bad for taking his money because she wasn't spending it on the kids. (We were taking care of the kids most of the time, and buying all their clothes for school.) She said that in the fall she would be willing to change custody to joint. Then over the summer and fall, she kept telling the kids she would do it when she was done with school because she couldn't live without his cs $$. (He gave her a proposed modification offering to continue paying the same amount of cs until June 2005, and she refused it.)

She's been jacking us and the kids around for a very long time, holding this court order over his head. Every time she gets mad, she tells him she is going to force him to follow the court-ordered visitation schedule. She has made the kids miss their activities out of jealousy, anger, and just laziness. In October she did go back to the co'd visitation for a month and a half. She totally couldn't handle taking care of the kids that much. It's all about $$ and control with her.

The biggest factor that made it possible for dh to spend so much time with his kids to work up to this point is that she moved in with a friend of hers (used to be friend of dh's) about 2 miles from us. She has been living there 4 years now. It's not a permanent home, she is renting rooms from this guy and they don't get along that well. When she finally moves out of there, she can't take the kids of their schools. So she will have to move close by, or leave them here.

[Sunshine1]

Finally!!!  That is so awesome!!   I am so happy for you guys!!

We are due back next week, for some visitation issues which are completely hairbrained if I ever did read an affidavit!! LOL  This woman is nuts!!  First she wnats set visitation, then she skips them, then she wants set days and specific times so she can cancel them....huh?

Get on some prozac lady and make up your mind already!!  Well anyway I am so glad you guys got this resolved!!  Congrats!!

[Dibella2]

This is SO great to hear!  I cannot believe that this all happened!  Gives me some hope; however, our BM (or what phrase did someone use?  pbfh?  That's more like it) will never back down.  She says she is after court, then she somehow goes wacko again and decides to fight some more.  Your BM sounds so much like ours.   Uses the kids, questions them endlessly,  we have the kids 9.5 months out of the year, but she wants child support from DH?  She pays for NOTHING when it comes to these kids.  Nothing.  Not one red cent.  And SHE wants child support?  LMAO.....

Congratulations!  It's so nice to see that father's can win.  What county are you in, by the way?  If you don't mind my asking.

[tulip]

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