Grown children should come forward....

[MYSONSDAD]

Grown children who know first hand the devastation of divorce and not seeing their fathers, but EOW, should come forward with their stories. Write letters and testify on how this effected their lives. They know by firsthand experience on how the system made them victims.

Interesting article:


http://www.townhall.com/columnists/phyllisschlafly/ps20050131.shtml

Fatherhood faces stacked deck in family court
Phyllis Schlafly

January 31, 2005 | printer friendly version Print | email to a friend Send

It's not just gay adoptions that threaten the right of children to be
raised in traditional two-parent, mother-father homes. A threat also comes
from father-phobic family courts that deprive children of their fathers.

Under no-fault divorce, equality is the rule: Either spouse can terminate
a marriage without the other spouse's consent and without any fault
committed by the cast-off spouse or even alleged by the spouse initiating
the divorce.

When it comes to determining child custody, however, sexism is the rule.
By making allegations of fault (true or false, major or petty) against the
male, the female can usually get the family court to grant her their
children and his money.

Despite an extended string of U.S. Supreme Court decisions upholding the
fundamental right of parents to the care, custody and control of their
children (reaffirmed in a 2000 case), and despite a very high standard
that the government must meet in order to terminate parental legal rights,
fathers are routinely denied due process when it comes to determining
child custody after divorce.

Family courts use a highly subjective rule called the best interest of the
child as recommended by court-appointed child-custody evaluators or
psychotherapists. There is no requirement that they have first-hand
experience with raising children, and they are allowed to use their own
personal prejudices to overrule the parents.

But why aren't parents the ones best able to decide what is in the best
interest of the child?

Family courts routinely rubber-stamp child-custody evaluators who
recommend maternal custody with fathers getting so-called visitation only
every other weekend. This despite the mountain of social science research
presented in Warren Farrell's book, "Father and Child Reunion" (Tarcher;
$24.95), which proves that the best interest of the child of divorced
parents is usually to give the child equally shared parent time.

Two dozen different measures listed in Farrell's book indicate that
equally shared custody is better for children than maternal custody alone.
Farrell's book explains how most fathers provide benefits that mothers
usually don't.

Yet, family courts typically rule as though fathers have no value except
their money, and routinely banish fathers (who have not been proven to
have committed any misdeed) from the lives of their children, except for
every other weekend. Farrell describes how this typical custody pattern is
a loser for the child, causing intense feelings of deprivation and
depressive behavior.

In his new book "Twice Adopted" (Broadman & Holman: $24.99), Michael
Reagan tells how, as the child of divorced parents, he only got to see his
father, former President Ronald Reagan, on alternating Saturdays. He
wrote, "To an adult two weeks is just two weeks. But to a child, having to
wait two weeks to see your father is like waiting forever."

American courts are presumed to be based on an adversarial system with
each side arguing its best case, subject to standards of due process,
evidence and proof. Somehow, that doesn't function in family courts.

Some divorce lawyers advise wives to manipulate the process by using a
three-step technique: (1) make domestic violence or child abuse
allegations, (2) demand full custody, (3) collect large amounts of child
support, alimony, and legal fees.

If the father objects to this process, the wife can make more accusations.
The evaluators then call it a high-conflict divorce and give custody to
the wife, declaring that shared parenting won't work.

If the husband doesn't acquiesce, he is reprimanded by the court for "not
buying into the process." In trying to defend himself against accusations,
the father is denied the basic rights of a criminal defendant such as
presumption of innocence and the necessity that the accuser provide proof
beyond a reasonable doubt.

Family courts force fathers to submit to interrogations and evaluations by
court-chosen child-custody evaluators. Fathers are forced to pay the high
fees of these private practitioners whom they have not hired, whose
services they do not want, and whose credentials and bias are suspect.

The children are also subjected to these evaluators who attempt to turn
the children against their parents in unrecorded interviews.

One of the most un-American aspects of family court procedure is the
sentencing of fathers to attend re-education classes and psychotherapy
sessions to induce them to admit fault and to indoctrinate them in
government-approved parenting behavior. The court-approved
psychotherapists report back to the court on the father's supposed
progress, and his attendance at these Soviet-style re-education sessions
must continue until he conforms.

A cozy relationship exists among local lawyers and court-approved
psychotherapists who recommend each other for this highly paid work of
making evaluations, counseling, and conducting re-education classes. The
psychotherapists decline to challenge each other's recommendations or
question their competence, and lawyers decline to cross-examine them,
because they all want to continue the profitable practice of referring
business to each other and collecting fees from fathers who are desperate
to see their own children.

©2005 Copley News Service

[c_alexander]

My best friend Rachell is a grown up child of civorce and  being seperated from her biological father. In her cawse her biological father was a real flake, but it was not a decision she was alllowed to make until she was grown. in the end she found out for herself. Her step father was more of a father to her then her biological father. To be honest I do not know if this is because her mother tried to shield Rachell from her biological father or if her biological father has such a flake that he did not even try to be a part of her life. I know that he has done nothing to have a relationship with her as an adult.
I had urged her to talk to KRIGHTS and tell her own story to tell people someof the effects current family laws has on adult children of divorce.

[MYSONSDAD]

I know there are many great step parents out there that care more about the children, then some bio's. Proof of it is here on this site.

But, I was referring to how they were denied a relationship to the biological parents and how the system helped to keep them apart.
How the system stole their rights to have a loving, nurturing relationship with both parents. The system is failing the children and they are the victims.

If you ask a child, they will tell you, they want BOTH parents in their lives. There is always a void that can not be filled...

"Children learn what they live"

[c_alexander]

Naw, I am sorry I didn't get my meaning across. I know where you were coming from and I wanted to state that i knew someone who had been in a case much like what you refer too. I just don't think Rachell's case is a very good example considering her biological father was a flake. I only wonder if he was always a flake like her family claims OR if he jsut gave up on trying to have a relationship with her because he was threatened with physical harm if he came near her.

I know that right now my daughter who is only 9 has been pleading with her mother to allow a joint physical custody arrangement. Her step brother and sister have a joint physical custoy arrangement with their parents and Jessie has seen firsthand how much better that is. She asked her mother about it (without any input at all from my I might add) and I got a phonecall on that one claiming I was putting ideas in her head. I never even talked to jessie about anything like that. My ex needs to blame her taste in boyfriends for that one..haha.

[MYSONSDAD]

10 years from now, she will look back and feel cheated out of having a closer relationship and more time with you.
NCP's do matter. More time and input is important.

"Children learn what they live"

[c_alexander]

Well think about it like this. I have my daughter less then 14% of the year, but I still have 50% of her love...just like her mother.  It's ALL a matter of quality not quantity...although I could stand for some quantity too..haha.