PLEASE HELP

[tomitoss]

My 37 yr. old soon-to-be ex wife XXXXX and I separated in Aug 2002 and are in the throes of divorce. I vacated the family home in late August 2002 (upon her insistence). XXXXX and the 3 children (2 girls ages 12 & 14 (not mine) & our 5 yr. old son) continued to live in the family home. All was semi normal for a while until, in early 2004, she started having sex with XXXXXXX, a 21 year old bi-racial, unemployed young man who has 3 other children with 3 other older white women. In April 2004 she moved this new boyfriend into the family home that I was providing for her and the three kids (and had been since we separated in August 2002). Currently, XXXXX insists that he remain living there. Both the girls' father and I recognize that our kids are being severely traumatized (emotionally, morally, socially, etc) in this potentially unsafe & unhealthy situation. Their home is no longer a place of comfort and security because they have been forced to share it with a young man who is closer in age to the two girls than he is to XXXXX . Although we have expressed our continual displeasure to XXXXX , she will not budge. She counters by insisting that we are bullies and/or jealous of her new live-in beau and to mind our own business. The children have, at times, expressed to us fathers their displeasure with XXXXXXX's presence XXXXX continues to subject the three children to his presence. We believe that, while this arrangement is providing XXXXXXX & XXXXX with sexual convenience, it is also simultaneously ruining the emotional, psychological, social, moral and 'normal' development of our children.

Our position has always been that who she dates is completely up to her. All we ask is that she not disrupt the kids lives by moving her date(s) into the kids' family home. As fathers of these 3 kids, are we being unreasonable? We don't think so especially since XXXXXXX can certainly live with his parents who live less than 5 miles away.

Oh yes, in total, we pay her $1,725 a month in child support. Both of us are current.

My question is:

How can we protect our kids from this? What can we do to provide a better environment for our kids? How do we stop this?

PLEASE HELP! PLEASE HELP US! ASAP

Respectfully,

Dr XXX X XXXXXX

[Brent]

To be honest, I don't see anything here that a court would consider reason enough to interfere.



>Both the girls'
>father and I recognize that our kids are being severely
>traumatized (emotionally, morally, socially, etc) in this
>potentially unsafe & unhealthy situation.

How are they being "traumatized"? Specifically, how is this harming them "emotionally, morally, socially"??


>her new live-in beau and to mind our own business. The
>children have, at times, expressed to us fathers their
>displeasure with XXXXXX's presence XXXXX continues to subject
>the three children to his presence.

The kids not liking mom's new boyfriend isn't enough for a court to get involved.




>We believe that, while
>this arrangement is providing XXXXXX & XXXXX with sexual
>convenience, it is also simultaneously ruining the emotional,
>psychological, social, moral and 'normal' development of our
>children.

How?? How is this harming them? You say this but give no indication of why.

Frankly, I think you're barking up the wrong tree. The court won't care about this. You might, but they won't. You have to clearly show how this arrangement is in some way genuinely harminig the kids, and I'll tell you right now I don't see it happening, based on what you've said.




>
>Our position has always been that who she dates is completely
>up to her. All we ask is that she not disrupt the kids lives
>by moving her date(s) into the kids' family home.

Unfortunately, this is not illegal for her to do, and you have no actual say over who may or may not live with her. This may not be what you want to hear, but it's the way the court will look at it.



> As fathers
>of these 3 kids, are we being unreasonable? We don't think so
>especially since XXXXXX can certainly live with his parents
>who live less than 5 miles away.

Well, I'm afraid it's not a matter of what's reasonable. The court will not care about this unless the kids are at serious risk of harm, and sometimes not even then. In short, this is a non-event for the court.




>Oh yes, in total, we pay her $1,725 a month in child support.
>Both of us are current.

This doesn't have any real bearing on the custody situation.




>How can we protect our kids from this? What can we do to
>provide a better environment for our kids? How do we stop
>this?

Well, as it stands, I don't think you have any grounds to petition for a change. You may not like the circumstances, but as far as a court will consider it, there's nothing there- no imminent danger, no substantial change in circumstances, nothing except your  obvious dislike of this person and the fact that he is now living there.

I'm sorry, I just don't see anything here that would give you any leverage in a court.

[MYSONSDAD]

If you have a gut feeling "something is out of place", run a background check on the guy. If you have his full name, go down to the courthouse and check public records.

If he is clean, it might relieve some of your doubts...

"Children learn what they live"

[c_alexander]

Considering the fact that she has moved someone else into the house, might it not be in your best interest to know when to call it quits? It would very much be in your best interests if you are going ot file for divorce to file first. Divorce and custody are a WAR...literally and ANYTHING you can do to get the upper hand you have to do. File first, get her on the defense instead of the offense, file for temporary custody of the kids....considering the current living conditions if you think your kids are being harmed emotionally, physically, and whatever....get a psycologist to tell a judge about the "harm" that is being done.

If you are concerned about your kids, go to whatever lengths you feel you must in order to protect them.

THE ONLY person who can help in this situation is you.

I wish you the best

sincerely,
chris
the Ribbon guy