Help with school work

[kaylene99]

We recently received a copy of my stepdaughter's report card and she earned 2 Fs and a D this past grading period.  Needless to say, we are very, very concerned.  Husband talked to ex-wife and she gave him the same excuse --- "the kids should be responsible for their actions", blah, blah, blah.  Well, hmm, the kids are 11 and 9 years old and one can't expect kids that age to KNOW EVERYTHING about their school subjects.  If they do, then they're geniuses and they wouldn't be getting Fs now, would they?  Ex0wife still can't grasp the simple concept of checking their school work after they're done with it to ensure that they did it right and that they understand the subject matter.  Arrgghh!

My question is this:  since we live 6 hours away, how can we better help with the kids' homework?  Husband's going to call more and talk to them about their homework.  Is there anything else we can do?  Do you think a webcam would help?  If we get them one, I'm concerned that they will end up not using it anyway because they have told us that they do not get on or allowed to use the computer that much.  

I wish that they live closer to so we can get them more often and help them with their school work.  Not to knock the ex wife, but I just can't understand what's so hard about helping your kids do their homework or ensuring that they are completing them properly.  

Please share your ideas or experiences with helping your kids do their homework from such a distance.  Thanks!

[justwantstobeadad]

I fully understand your concern. You might be able to talk to the teacher and explain that you are trying to help your child from long distance.
If you get a good teacher or one also concerned about your child they might give you a copy of her plans (curriculum) or even email you onec  a week or month with the class work schedule this would allow you some better knowlege of what they need to do so when you call you can refer to it. I would also consider getting them a computer and online service (offer to pay for it) this would allow for web cam, emails, day to day contact, even help with homework. Make it clear that it is for the children only! make sure it is a kid friendly and safe comp. You could have someone set it up with programs and safety features. and when they visit you teach them a few times how to use it.

You might want to consider moving to be closer as you cant really be an effective parent from that distance. I know easier said than done but work on it and it can be done.

Also make sure you keep those copies and of the childrens report cards for court purposes as this shows her parenting ability
even ask to meet with the teachers some time when you are to get the children and make the drive...yea it might suck...but if she wont help them you must try something...maybe the teacher can make her understand they need her help at that age.

good luck

[ourlilbeans]

My husband and I go through this same thing with my SS. We also live 6 hours away from my SS. His mother just does not make school work a priority. My SS often does not do his homework and/or does not turn it in. Honestly we have been struggling with this for a few years and it's only gotten slightly better. But I thought I would share some of the things that we are trying.

Does the child's school have a "Homework Club?" In our school district and the school that my SS goes to they have homework club 2 nights a week. The kids stay after school and get extra help from the teachers for an hour. We also found that when we worked with his teacher she was willing to let him stay after an additional night so that she could help him with work he was struggling with. Maybe your child's teacher would be willing to that too. If not after school, then maybe during recess or maybe they could eat lunch with their teacher once a week or something.

At the school's suggestion (when SS was in fifth grade) we got an agenda or day planner for my SS. His teacher's were willing to make sure he got his assignment written in his planner and SS's mother was supposed to sign it every night after she had gone over his work. This worked for a while and then she fizzled on that.

We also email SS's teachers regularly to find out what he's learning and how he's doing. The teachers also email us when assignments are missing. Then my husband calls his ex, the exchange words and [usually] she makes sure the assignments get done [usually]. We go through this quite often throughout the year.

For sixth grade my SS came to live with us. He got in to extracirricular activities. We communicated with his teachers regularly. We checked his school bag and helped him with homework every night. And his grades really improved. Then in seventh grade he decided he wanted to try and lvie with his mother again. It was the hardest decision we ever made, but we decided to leave the decision up to him. We are greatly regretting that now. However we never legally changed the physical placement (we have joint custody) so we may enforce that next year for eight grade.

I understand your frustration with the distance. We feel that too. My SS and his mother moved 6 hours away when he was 3 (he just turned 13 last month). When they moved my husband and I already had one child, we now have four together. All of our family (and BM's family) are here in town. The kids go to good schools here. I have a great job here that allows my husband to stay home with our children and go to college. So moving closer to my SS just doesn't seem like the right thing to do in our case. We are just trying our best to stay as involved as we can and make sure he knows he is loved. Sorry, I kind of got off on a tangent and made this response kind of long, but I hope some of these suggestions can help you out too.