Trampled in North Carolina

[HeelBilly]

New to forum.  Ex left me in Dec. 2003 after a marriage filled with arguing on both sides.  She has tried to turn the whole thing into domestic abuse on my part, first getting a trumped up domestic violence protective order, which she dismissed 10 days later in lieu of a custody suit and request for psyc evaluation of us both. Then she had me arrested in July for making a harrassing phone call after an argument on the phone in which she told me I could no longer see the children in our marital home.

After only being able to see the kids for two hours every other week with supervision,  judge gave me kids for two days a week with no supervision after testimony of psychologist who said I was no threat to my children and that my ex suffers from depression, views herself as perfect, can't be forthcoming in personal matters and could possibly alienate children from me by suggestions that Daddy is not safe.  After judge's ruling, she cut off all communication with me.  She had me arrested in September 2004 for exercising my court-ordered call rights on the basis that the calls violated the terms of my release on the harrassment charge.

She has reported me to Social Services four times -- all allegations concluded to be unfounded and three weeks ago had me arrested again for domestic criminal trespass after fabricating story that I entered my former marital residence (still my house with no adjudication that it is separate property), screamed at the top of my lungs and begged her to come outside after dropping off the kids.

My lawyer is unsympathetic, and basically blames me every time she does something to me.  Any thoughts or prayers?  

[wendl]

Welcome.

Well start documenting everything.
If your visitation is at the marital home go back to court to get visitation somewhere else.

Only go to marital home if need be and BRING A video camera or a witness so she doens't keep having you arrested. Also see what the laws in your state are about recording converstations.

Do not raise your voice to her WALK AWAY. Tell her politiley that you will not argue with her, if she would like to talk to you civially then ok, but as soon as she starts in on you, DON"T let it get to you again state you will not argue with her (be the better person)

FIND A NEW ATTORNEY.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[dipper]

HI, I would think her having you arrested for calls to your children would be grounds for contempt of court order.  

Sounds as if your ex pushes your buttons and then uses it against you.  My dh has one similar - she will tell him what she wants and as soon as he opens his mouth, she hangs up the phone.  The best thing I feel you can do is not to let on it bothers you.  As long as you attempt to fuss back, she will know she has a hold over you.

As for social services, you can file to have the person reporting you revealed.  Then you will go in front of a judge and try to prove its being done for pure spite (and to aid in custody) - and since its been unfounded four times, its likely the judge will agree and order SS to reveal the name of the tipper.  If it is your ex, then there is a civil action you can take against her, or whoever is doing this.  Of course, they may be reporting it anonymously each time....

your lawyer - get a new one.  However, really take an objective look at it and determine if your lawyer is being unsympathetic or simply giving you the legal basis.  Your lawyer may be advising you not to fuss even if being yelled at - this is in your favor.  

Its the world of using children as a pawn.........so many people forget the children and just want to get even or make life miserable for the other person....

I wish you the best...

[gipsy]

 All of our stories are in some way similar , the details are all different ,  I could co-miserate and tell my story ,  I am not an atty , However I will tell you My expierience and what I think of the BIG picture ,
    I don't think the court cares , And if you think your atty doesn't care and won't take action then Put your story in short form like you did in your post and go out and talk to twenty atty's . And see wich one gives you an answer of what could be done in legal terms , And or behavior modification terms , DON'T hire an atty that talks a big story about how you could get her , Just a calm story of what can be done legally
     Here is my two cent's ,Don't react to this crap ! Use a video camera !!! AND Get the transfer of the children changed to a neutral place , Or the police station . My psycho made all kinds of allegations , And the video Taping I did was upon the advice of my atty! What he said would happen did , He said "she would send a nasty letter about the taping ' And then I could bring this up in court > I did> He also said The tapes would not make it to the court Because the judges would have to consider that I could bait her then tape , The tapes never made it to court , But I will tell you this , I have taped both for myself and My cousin , And they will stop doing stuff when the camera is on them , Also I hid the camera in the truck , And she saw it , This made her stop making up stories ! I would have the camera in my hand and smile and say ever so nicely , I'm here to get my son " And goodby have a nice day "

    The video camera did however make her change and resort to other accusations , Like Saying i was telling my son a bunch of crap etc , But here My fellow man is the trick ! Say good things to the kids about mom <  In Washington state, it is  standard to have a Guardian ad Litem Appointed on behalf of Minor Child , And You should ask if they do that In Carolina , And If so why your atty Hasn't done so yet : and Again interview more atty's If they use the GAL in your area , Here the judge or commissioner will do very little or nothing at all if there is not a report filed by the GAL to the court ,
      Back to what you say to the kids , The GAL will talk to the kids And if they say Dad say's mom is a %^#$  Then you are in a worse position , If mom is saying it < she is in a worse position ,
   My atty advised I appoint a GAL and then take to trial for custody . I did And this is a long process , What I learned at trial is the Judge is there about the kids ,
    If you are slinging mud and she is pulling all these false reports it appears to me the court is confused ,  
   If she pulls a bunch of garbage and you never have any reports to substantiate her allegations then she looks very bad to the court .
   But still this doesn't seem to change custody , But you are better off when you don't react . I reacted And had a terrible GAL on the second time through , The first GAL did a good job , However things continued and I got ANOTHER GAL . !!
    I think these psycho's Do this in hopes to get rid of you , Don't let this happen , I feel that My son wasn't poisened against me because I always went to get him with the video camera !
   And  the transfer of my son is at Mcdonalds , Some people do it at the police station , this helps . Its hard to get started on this but, My atty said  Everyone that does this likes it better later , And I do like it better , And what the next better part is , I get My son or drop off , And leave , And I DO NOT EVEN TALK TO HER !!! ,  I do not engauge her at all , And she has nothing to tell stories about , And I concentrate on haveing fun with My son , This is very hard to do in the midst of all this turmoil , But I was told By My friend  a good psychologist , That Its My job to make my son comfortable ASAP , And when I started doing that My relation ship with My son Is great And I am use to Ignoring the psycho ! ,
   And last but not least , I don't thing the court or atty's care . You have to deal with the emotional turmoil , And solve it , And If you get a decent atty he will change things like mine did so the transfer is at a neutral place . And I also pick up at school on thursday ,This is also better , This won't be over with, over night ! But as with My case when you look back You will see it is worth it to see your kids and  to me the court didn't really care about her allegations , You will be likely to end up with a parenting plan and a child support order ! You may get custody , But you need an atty that really works for men ! And I fired two and got one that primarily has men for clients , Some non custodial women , But He files every case for a change of custody , And then if youy settle on the way thats ok , He wins for men like 40% of the time . But just remember through this ,don't ever give up ! And have fun with your kids .
    One of the things thaT worked in My favor was the GAL interviewed My son and he said he likes to be with me , SO I suggest you have fun with the kids , As hard as it is in this situation , when your mind is full of this crap . I had to try very hard to turn it all off and spend my time with my son ,  , He likes it when I just take him to the bowling alley and spend ten buck for quarters on him , And when I take him to the beach or any where that we can walk aroung aND look at wild life etc , And if she starts working on the kids , I had to drag My son away screaming and kicking because of what she was telling him before i got him , And I soon learned a Lollipop And five minutes down the road and he was over it ! And this also worked for me , Because the psycho tried to get him all worked up and then called the Gal And  the GAL asked me too bring him in ! I did and he was all calm . And the GAl reported this , I could write a book , But the bottom line is love your kids and don't give up , And be a good citizen , If you do something it will be likely that the psycho will be pointing the finger , Don't do anything , Its wierd aS Heck but it seems the court expects us all to act like An angel through this and if you don't they can't understand why you acted out !1? BE  COOL KEEP POSTING AND GETTING FEEDBACK

[joni]

Get  a new lawyer immediately.  You can find a lawyer certified in family law at this site:

//www.aaml.org/directory.htm

With this atty, you've already lost.  She doesn't believe you.  She's not your advocate.  She probably doesn't believe in the system as well in regards that a father can't win.

There are attorneys out there who will be your advocate.  Unfortuantely, you can't always find them the first time out.  Take it from us.  We finally found our match with our 3rd in 5 years.  The first was fired after he blew the divorce.  The 2nd retired because of health issues.  The 3rd time was  a charm for us.

Good luck.