New here: road gettin bumpy/ Father with no rights

[amicable_001]

Sorry for the long post, but I have been reading all the posts here and finally decided to get some help.



Again,Sorry for the long report and I can see that I am not alone even though we might have different circumstances.

Let me get to the end.  We started drifting apart and I wanted to get a better paying job so I can help ease with the bills.  I was an "IT grunt".  So I advised her that I would like to finish my college degree but if she was willing to go first, I will take on another job to fill in the gap.  She commented, "You go".  

Well, I entered college and I understood it wasn't easy.  I was more and more attached to my pc at night and didn't have time to sleep.  I noticed she was going out more often and I stayed with our son.  I enjoyed it actually since I was more like the "mother".  I would always care for our son.  I just assumed since I am not the "breadwinner" I will compensate with taking care of out son's needs.  (Note we never married)

Well, she also used the computer and downloaded a virus.  I started cleaning out the virus and noticed an attachment called, "I_love_you".  I assumed it was the virus and I quarantined the virus. Well it wasn't the virus.  I was a love letter from her manager.  Both have been seeing each other.  I confronted her to put and end to this quickly since it was just starting (He was just hired a few weeks at her location)

I do blame myself for neglecting her but I needed to attain my 4.0GPA.  I understand the IT industry is sever and most look towards experience, so I need great grades to show companies I am a hard worker.

I was about to leave but decided to give it a try, since I love my son and he needs both parents.  

Four months pass, and she advised me that she was going on a seminar for her work.  I said, "Great! you can get away a little"  Never in my mind I would assume she will be seeing another person.  I found out again via the internet. (She isn't computer friendly) the computer had only one account.  She saved the email attachments on the desktop and forgot about deleting it.  Still, it could be a way of her letting me know or "wanting to get caught", not sure.

I decided, I had to leave since I finally stood my ground and commented on not going back to this particular state (she had arranged another flight the following month)  

So here I am.  She is getting married soon and we have came to an agreement(verbally)  Since I had to quit my fulltime job to continue my studies, I will watch our son every mornings and drop him off when she gets off work and I head to school.  

I don't have a life; I decided to stick to school, home and my son.  I am content with giving up the social environment and focusing on my son's activities (baseball, park programs etc...)  

I always get the "I'm doing everything financially" speech when we get into out little fights.  I bite my lip and take it since I don't want her to 'pull her safety card" which is to quit school and get a job.  This will kill me since my loans are almost at 90k and I have about 10 moths left for my double bachelors.

I had her promise me that she will never take our son away from me.  I honestly will be devastated and filled with guilt that I let my son down.  I have rights as an unwed father and no job.  
 
Here is the breakdown:
--I think she might want to leave the state and live with her new husband
--She advised me that when I get a job, that if she requests $300 - $500 I will give it to her whenever she wants it
--She advised me that since I have been at school, she will charge me from the day I went to school to present with money that she paid for out son's daily expenses if I get her upset again


She always forgets whenever he needed diapers for her house, I would purchase it.  I would pay the doctor visits, get his haircut, whenever it was her turn to watch our son, I would gladly take him.  I understand it is not much but I do what can when I receive part time contract work (barely enough work until I graduate)

Now out son is about to start school, I enrolled him and I am willing to pay for more than half (support from my side of the family) and volunteered to help with the kids on field trips, crossing guard duties etc.

I taught our son how to use the bathroom, ABC's, hold a spoon, get along with other kids etc...  I don't think that will hold water if she takes me to court.

The only thing I have in my defense is this:
She is a very irate person, she has hit out son severely on his legs with a belt or hand when makes a mistake.  I have been in heated verbal discussion about her discipline techniques.  She doesn't have patience with our son and resorts to yelling constantly. He always wants his mother to call me to pick him up or she will call me if he doesn't listen to her and I have to pick him up after school.

Everyday, when I am about to take him to his mother's house.  He asks me if he can stay with me or go to school with me.  Just the sound of his voice crackling will bring any man to his knees in guilt.

So the only witness to these actions is her brother who has seen her hit our son to a degree that overcompensates with the mistake he made.

[reagantrooper]

You BETTER start writing everything down I measn EVERYTHING do it NOW and do it for EVERYTHING. Date, time, what she did, what the weather is like outside etc etc etc.

Then go file for physical custody. Sounds like this will get ugly real quick. You must not pull any punches.

[Brent]

Echoing what reagantrooper said, document EVERYTHING.


One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is crucial, and these pages will help get you started:

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

Some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information. Also, get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.