pre divorce relocation

[TJT]

After getting to the point of seperation several times, my wife and I have decided to move forward with a divorce. We have a one year old daughter together and have been married for less then three years.  At first I agreed to her living in Des Moines with her family, but since have realized what a mistake this would be for my visitation. Although I have not yet received any legal paperwork, I am expecting this any day. She has already moved out of the house and is interviewing for employment in the Des Moines area (baby is expected to start day care in a week).

We have lived in the Chicago area for five plus yrs and the baby was born here. Her wanting to move to Des Moines has everything to do with her own interest and nothing to do with our baby or my ability to have a meaningful relationship.

She has already said that she will never move back to the Chicago area. Has anyone been through a situation like this and can any comment on the legal standpoint of this kind of relocation? Des Moines is 354 miles away... would the court allow this?

[joni]

Once your child is in Des Moines 6 months, Iowa will become the new jurisdiction regarding your child.

You must file first.  For joint or sole custody in Illinois.  You need an atty who's certified in family law.  You can search for one at this site, //www.aaml.org/directory.htm

As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  I hope it's not too late for you to rectify this.  I would also recommend you checking out the site //www.custodyiq.com.

[CustodyIQ]

Sometimes it's not too late for hindsight, and other times it is.

Unfortunately... I think your regrets have come too late.

No matter where jurisdiction is, mother will hammer that you and she agreed to this move (i.e., and hence you presumably agreed that it was best for the child), she will call your change of mind "flippant" and unfair to impose on the child that has already settled into a new home (and with daycare already weeks or months in place by the time you see a court), and she will argue that you should have to pay for all the attorney fees she's incurred because you unjustly went back on your agreement.

I think the only shot you'd have is if something changes post-move.  For example, if the mother completely interferes with your ability to see your daughter as often as you'd like... you'd have a strong argument to then go to a judge and say, "I made the move-away agreement under the likewise agreement that I would remain this child's father.  Mother has used the move as an alienation tactic, and hence the move is clearly not in this child's interest."

But failing that, I think you should figure out a way to stay very involved in this child's life.

A move to Des Moine would be ideal.  If that's not possible, seeing your daughter at least monthly is important, and within a few years, you'll likely be able to have her in Chicago for weeks at a time.

Good luck.

[flewwellin]

I am so sorry first off that you are having to deal with this, however I may have some insight as to what could happen to you in this sittuation.  Here's my story: My husband and I were approached by his ex wife (they were only separated at that time) and told us she wanted to move from southeastern NC to southeastern PA.  This is 503 miles away from where the children were born and where ALL of their family is, inculding her family.  The reason, she wanted to go shack up with her newest fling.  My step daughter was 4 at the time and my step son just turned 3.  We initially agreed to the move and then began thinking about what would happen to their relationship with their father.  So we decided to fight it.  Well, to make a long story short, she was allowed to take the kids to PA to live permanently with their father having joint visitation.  This gives him 5 wks in the summer, every other thanksgiving until they go back to school, based upon the oldest child's school schedule. Every christmas from the 26th until day b4 school starts, every easter or spring break whichever is longest.  We get to decide and let her know before May 1st when during the summer they will be with us.  She also has to meet us halfway to pick up and drop off the kids.  So this means we meet in southern VA.  

In the state of NC you can fight it all you want but they believe children should stay with their mother, and the mother should be able to do as she pleases.  We did however have a better visitation with it being done by the judge.  We suffered through all of this without a lawyer because we couldn't afford one.  So to put it mildly we got screwed royally.  Could have been a lot worse.  So what I recommend doing is saving all the money you can, document everything you can, and get a Great lawyer in the town next to yours, and taking her butt to court.  Just because you agreed to it before doesn't mean you can't change your mind.  Be prepared though that the likely hood of them making her stay and you even getting primary custody is slim to none.  I'm not trying to discourage you but this is my experience.  Good luck.

Jessica