need help--first post

[inamess]

hello everyone--sorry if this goes to long but I really need advice and I need to share my story
I'm currently in the begining stages of divorce--we still live in the same home(I cant leave because I have my whole life's work invested in my home and I have been 100% financially responsible for the upkeep) she refuses to leave even though I have offered to let her take the kids with her if she agrees to let me see them---she continues to make threats and hold my kids over my head because she knows its a soft spot with me--I love my kids more than anything in the world and want this to be as cordial a split as possible but she wont. I have been physically abused ---she constantly speaks negatively about me to the kids(ex: she has punched me square in the face in front of my 2 yr old son and when he told her to "stop hitiing daddy"--she told him that "daddy hit me first"---she tries to keep them away from me---takes them away and doesn't come back for hours with me not knowing where she is---wont let me take the kids anywhere and if I try to stop her from taking them or I try to go somewhere with them she calls the police or brings my family into it with lies----I've tried to have conversations with her family and the blame me for everything and try to justify everythig she does----basically I feel like I have no power to stop her from doing any of this and I just want my kids to be sheltered from this mess as much as possible but she continues to use them to antagonize me---does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this because I'm really at a loss---

[wendl]

Stay in the house, if she wants to leave let her but keep the kids.

Since it sounds as if you have not filed paperwork, you have every right to take the kids out and so does she.

You need a good family attorney, no divorce or most of them are not nice. They will lie, file false charges against you ect.

Close all joint accts OR put a freeze on them until the divorce is filed.

Pray for the best expect the worse.

Document Document

I am sure some others will post the helpfull linx you made need.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[MYSONSDAD]

Who's name is on the house?

Wendl is very correct, let her go, but you keep those kids. I would not let her see the kids unless you are present. I would also have someone you trust to be there as a witness.

1. TGB's Newsletter - Tips For Getting Started
TGB's Newsletter ''Tips For Getting Started'' TGB's Newsletter ''Tips For Getting Started'' Articles related to this topic: Steps To Protect Yourself During Divorce Success Factors In Obtaining...
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm - size 8kb - 25 Oct 2003

2. Tips On Keeping Documentation
Here are some tips that a user of the SPARC site was kind enough to share with us. These are some great ideas and advice, the kind that only come through experience.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips1.htm - size 13kb - 20 Oct 2003

3. SPARC Articles Archive
The SPARC Articles Archive contains hundreds of useful articles on custody and divorce, practical tips, commentary, emergency information, and many other topics.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/articles.htm - size 37kb - 03 May 2004

6. If You Are Still In The Same House - Essential Preparations
This article is written primarily for men, because they are frequently kicked out of the house by being served with a restraining order.
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Find a very good family law attorney and file for custody and a divorce.
If you have some legal issues, we have a national treasure here, Soc. You can write and ask him, just follow his mandated guidelines. You can find him at Dear Socrateaser. Just scroll down when you first come to the opening page and see the separate categories.

The longer those children are with you, the better your chances.

Do you have any witnesses to the abuse you have been dealing with?

By the way, welcome to Sparc. Most of us have been where you are now. Many will respond and give added information. You have come to the right place....

[flewwellin]

The first thing I'd do, is if she hits you one more time, immediately call the cops and press charges.  You have no evidence if they aren't called.  Pass that I don't know, contact a lawyer but DON'T LEAVE THE HOME AND DON'T ALLOW HER TO TAKE THE KIDS AND MOVE.  If she is doing the stuff you say she has no right to have primary custody of your babies.  You sound like a responsible, and loving dad, I hope this all works out for you.  My advice is to hire a lawyer, and fight as hard and dirty as you have to.  Don't think about her feelings because trust me she won't think about yours.