Legal Rights of Single Dads

[SingleDad]

I'm a single guy who's going to be a father in a few months.  Being single, what parental rights do I have and what should I do to preserve and enhance those rights?

[joni]

Probably none.  In most states, if the parents are not married, the mother is automatically award legal and physical custody.  So unless you can get the mom to agree to something in writing, you will be severely limited to your legal recourse.

I have two questions for you 1) how is the relationship with the mom and 2) are you sure this child is yours (sorry for the bluntness).

While in utero, I would make sure you have the tightest, most wonderful relationship with this woman.  Start making arrangements NOW to solidify yourself in the child's life.  

Establish a 50/50 parenting, visitation plan.  

Establish a child support amount (keep it out of the courts, have a simple contract drawn up for an agreed upon amount establishing this amount as child support).

Establish joint legal custody, where you have equal say in decisions regarding your child.

[janM]

Having something on paper is not enough.

You will need to prove paternity, and file with court for visitation and probably child support will be set then. You have no rights until you go to court to establish the relationship with the child.

If you do reach an agreement between you (ie parenting plan) it should be filed with the court so it is enforceable. The 50/50 plan is ideal. With infants it may be best to alternate every couple of days. Frequent, shorter periods to establish a bond.

Once the child is born, get a paternity test. Then file for your rights. In the meantime, do keep things friendly with mom.

Congrats.

[MYSONSDAD]

This is what I told my brother.

Kiss her butt.

Keep the relationship friendly, be very involved. Offer to take the child as much as possible and document the time. Take plenty of pictures showing the child in your care. Work out a parenting plan that will work well with both of you. There are several good parenting plans here at Sparc.

If she works, offer to watch the baby while she is at work to save on daycare expenses. Keep the child overnight when you can. You have to be Mr. Perfect Dad. Go to all doctor appointments, initial paperwork showing your presence. When things are looking good, offer your parenting plan and suggest getting things in order with a Judgement thru the courts. Explain that this protects both of you. Go for Joint Legal and Joint Physical.

You need to establish yourself as a caregiver to the child.

If you are confidant that child is yours, hold off on paternity testing until later. You can always have it done on your own.

With the way things are in the Family Courts, my bro has a better chance this way. His GF is pretty good and lets him and our family see the baby whenever we want. If your GF is somewhat reasonable, you might also want to try this approach. Everyone has different circumstances, follow your gut instincts.

Sure I will have some who will not feel that this is the way to go. I am just expressing what WILL work for my bro. I have found that you can catch more bees with honey then you can vinegar. For my bro, this will work out for him and he will save incredible expenses and a great amount of stress.

Another thing he did, was pay her CS on his own. He also buys things  and keeps the receipts.

Educate yourself as much as possible. Read your state statues and know what they say. Know your rights incase this fails and you have to petition the courts.

Bottom line, she will basicly have sole custody. If you can work with her, it will be better for all involved. Good luck and keep us posted!

[CustodyIQ]

Once you're established as the father (in a paternity action in court, filed by either parent), you have equal rights as a parent.  However, there are way more complex things that will determine who will have what custodial timeshare and legal authority.

I agree with the approach suggested by MySonsDad.

I would emphasize (as he mentioned) that you should DOCUMENT all time that you spend with your child, from day one.  Keep a personal log, and update it daily with start/end times of the care you provided.

Additionally, since you have a few months, take a parenting class right now.  You don't need to tell anyone about it, but it could come in handy if you end up in court to be able to provide a certificate of completion or an affadavit from the class instructor as to your attendance and participation.

You need to do everything to stack the deck in your favor.... and that means being as involved as possible with the newborn child and staying out of court for at least 6 to 12 months while you establish yourself as a very involved parent.

I strongly disagree with the messages of doom a couple folks have insinuated here.

Every situation is different, and none of us know anything about yours.  None of us can make any prediction or even an educated guess as to your future.

If you provide a few details (i.e., are you still in the relationship with the mother, do you live with the mother, is the mother a relatively stable person with no sordid background, are you a relatively stable person with no sordid background), it would be helpful in giving you more specific guidance.

On my website, there's a list of books I recommend, some of which would be very helpful to you.

The most important thing, if possible, and as MySonsDad emphasized is to keep this out of the courts at the beginning.  The mother does have an advantage with a newborn, especially if she decides to deny your access until court orders are in place.

Good luck.  You're starting what could be a very difficult path for you, but the payoff of being a parent is well worth it (most days).

[MYSONSDAD]

Child now 3 months of age.

Bro is on birth certificate.

Child bears our surname.

Joint Physical and Joint Legal.

Parenting Plan in place.

My bro actually has more time then BM.

They are working together in the caregiving. They are being parents, putting aside their differences. Loving the child enough to co-parent.

I really envy this accomplishment...

"Children learn what they live"

[TPK]

>They are working together in the caregiving. They are being
>parents, putting aside their differences. Loving the child
>enough to co-parent.


I guess miracles really do happen.

Kudos to them.

TPK

[wendl]

That is great, wouldn't it be nice if everyone could get passed trying to hurt eachother and realise they are hurting the kids.

[stillfighting]

I am one of the wonded in this kind of situation. I would give just about anything to have a peascful relationship with my wife where the children are first but, she refuses every effort I make to let this be so.

MYSONSDAD your brother is truely blessed to have someone who can think of the children more than themselves.

I was once asked what I would do if I were put in the shoes of Abraham when God asked him to sacrafice his son. First I feel that I am a farely religious person, I do not follow any white lines to Heaven but, I do believe that there is a God, just not in the stict sence of some faiths. As for the trial of faith put on Abraham, if God asked me to Sacrafice my children, I don't think the God I know and Love would ever test me in this manner mind you but, ifasked I would answer him very fast and very bluntly: "If this is what you wish of me Lord, you can take a hike! I would rather burn for all eternity than harm my children!"

A RICH MAN IS ONE WHOM WHEN HIS POCKETS ARE EMPTY HIS CHILDREN FILL HIS ARMS

[MYSONSDAD]

I am also one of the wounded. 2 1/2 years and counting. Would give anything to have something like this. Be happy if ex would just try 25%. But that is a dream, it will never happen.

My bro got lucky, his GF is not phycho and that made all the difference. She respects fathers and knows how important they are.

For me, the battle continues. And I will keep on fighting. Maybe someday the ex will grow up and see the destruction she is causing.