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[ChristopherLee]

Just want to say hello, and thank the admins and other folks that make this happen. There is a TON of good information in this website, it will help me in the near future.

Currently my situation is a little distressing. I moved my daughter and her mother and sister here about 20 months ago, allowed her mother and sister to live with me for about a year, then still allowed her mother to use one of my (nicer) vehicles for another 6 months. She finally got her own place, was there for about 6 months, then told me that she was moving to a new apartment that was closer to me. As soon as school was out, she told me that she wanted to take my daughter up to see her family up in Philly, then be back in two weeks. That time went by, then passed (which wasn't surpising, as she never returns when she says she will), however, about 4 days after she was supposed to have returned with Isabella, she called me and said that she was moving to PA, not going to return Isabella till I signed an agreement (agreeing to what she wants). This was a month and a half ago. When she found out that I was working with my attorney to get my daughter back in the state, she went to the courts in New Jersey and filed for custody, saying that she is afraid that I will not return Isabella after her visit, as I have done in the past (which I have never done). Turns out that she is NOT living in PA, but in New Jersey, somewhere in Pasaic county.
Now, for a little history. A couple years ago, almost three, I filed for custody, as her mother was doing some pretty crazy stuff, was not able to care for Isabella (her own words), and was involved with a mysterious middleastern man (who it turned out was wanted). She had "bedded down" with a guy, and it turns out that she did it for his citizenship. I was getting emails from her family members telling me that she was hooked on prescribed drugs, was flying to Houston once every couple of weeks (Isabella and I live in Arlington, she had not seen Isabella in a couple months), and was selling some of her prescriptions (Oxycontin). The day after I had her served, she showed up at Isabella's day care to try to abduct her. Luckily, my mother took her for a day of movies and build-a-bear. I had her served with a TRO to prevent her from doing this again. After several months of litigation between DE and TX, I agreed to settle with her, with several stipulations. Some of which being that she could not be arrested or have felony warrants out for her arrest. This was all before I agreed to allow her to move into my home 20 months ago.

I will be sure to update as things are moving, however, things are moving slow because I have no clue where she is at the moment.

Any words of advice are welcome, and thanks again for this site and all of the information contained within.

[Kent]

First of all, what is your current custody order say?

How hard is your attorney working for you? Did he file an ex-parte for you? Since your daughter lived for the last 20 months with you, your county has jurisdiction.

If your current custody order does not give you primary custody, you need to obtain an ex-parte custody order. Then you file child abduction charges against the mother.
Be prepared; letting her take the child for a month and a half without any action from your side will not look good.

Whatever you do, do it TODAY! If your atty doesn't get off his behind, be sure he is aware that you are his employer.

Give us more details about current custody order, and we can give better advise.

Kent!

[c_alexander]

In order for a man to get custody anymore it seems that you have to PROVE that the mother is an unfit mother. This means if she uses drugs, is abusive, abandons the child, or sexual molests the child and you can shwo the courts PROOF without question THEN you can get custody of your child. I want to point out that this is not always true, but it wasa been told to me by BOTH attorneys I have had, and has been my experience.

I would suggest asking your lawyer about getting her to submit either willingly or otherwise to a drug test. Not the urine test, but a hair test. The hair tests although more expensive, can show drugs in your system for up to 3 years. it was also show how much of the stuff she was taking...so if her perscription was for 20mg and the test shows she was using say 50mg then she has a lot of explaining to do to the court.  Might be worth looking into.

ALSO it has been my experience that MOST states have stipulations in theior laws regarding the procedures that must be followed when moving witha minor child. In Indiana certain papers must be filed with the courts, then sent to the non-custodial parent at which time the parent can allow the move, or fight it in court. If they do not follow these procedures they can be forced to move back or surrender the children.

Finally I will add...DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Get proof of everything you are claiming is going on. If that means following her and video taping, hiring a private Investigater, recording phone calls and conversations ( where permitted by law), writing it down ina notebook and noting date and time. Do anything and everything you can to build a case for why she is an irresponsible parent ( fromthe sound sof it she is BIG TIME) and you may have a chance to beat this thing......the time for being nice has passed. Do whatever you must for the wellfare of your child.

I wish you the best.

[ChristopherLee]

We currently have Joint Custody, and when she lived in DE, I allowed Isabella to stay with her durring the school year. Since moving here almost two years ago, she lived with me full time for a year, and about half the time for the rest of the time, sometimes more. We are pushing for the drug test, plus there are MANY things that have happened in the recent years that show that she is an irresponsible parent and is not fit to raise my child. It is all documented.

I have been trying to work with her to get her to return Isabella, I gave up on her after about 3 weeks and called my lawyer (who is a friend of the family and the Managing Family Law Attorney for one of the biggest firms around here). They are working on things, but she is being kind of elusive. The courts in New Jersey are seemingly cooperative so far, I am hoping that this is going to be resolved soon. I have phone called recorded from the beginning, plus she likes to communicate via Email and Instant Messages, so that is all recorded in hard form.

Thanks again for your help!

[c_alexander]

That sounds like you are on the right track then. I learned the hard way myself. Had I recorded the conversations my ex and I had and documented from the start I would probably have custody of our daughter.  

I too hired the biggest and best lawyer in the area to fight for me in court, but in the end the ignorance of the judge won out. I know that not ALL judges and states are like that, however after hearing all of the stories I have from people all over the country I have become VERY wary of the family law system. You have to question ANY system that claims to be in teh best interests of the children, yet does not regularly and consistently order shared parenting, which in study after study has been proven to truly be in the best interests of the children.

Ok I am ranting now..forgive me..haha. Good luck with your battle. I hope your daughter is safe and happy.