PLEASE HELP

[sally]

My long term boyfriend had an affair and got the girl pregnant. She is very young and very manipulative, she has warned him that if he doesn't leave me she will have an abortion (WHICH HE VIEWS AS MURDER AND DOES NOT WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR). While I see that as the best option, he is opposed to the thought of abortion and is afraid of what she may do. She is unstable at best and has been abusive both mentally as well as physically. What kind of rights does my boyfriend have as of now. How can we protect our selves from her and get full legal custody while she gets counceling? PLEASE HELP!!!

[Kent]

1) Which state are you in?

2) How far along is she?

3) How young is she?

In general, your bf does not have any rights at all unless he gets them established. You can file with the courts to have a paternity test done after birth, and if the child truly is his, get his name on the birth certificate, and get parenting time established. At that moment he will also have to pay child support.

If she is under 18, he may also face charges of statutory rape.

Your chances of getting custody are not very good, unless you can prove that she uses drugs, alcohol, or prostitutes. Her being manipulative is not a reason to take the child from her.

If she truly is as vindictively manipulative as you say, he will be in for the fight (and expense) of his life, for the next 18 years.

Good luck!

Kent!

[Stirling]

"My long term boyfriend had an affair and got the girl pregnant."

He sounds like a heck of a catch.  You aren't married to this man so you need to decide for yourself if you are willing to continue to accept this man given his actions that created this situation and the resulting additional baggage, or if it is a deal breaker which requires releasing the relationship.

"She has warned him that if he doesn't leave me she will have an abortion (WHICH HE VIEWS AS MURDER AND DOES NOT WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR)."

This is a very nice attempt to play on your boyfriend's guilt in order to get you out of the picture.  Unfortunately, this girl has absolute control over the decision to have an abortion.  Your boyfriend has absolutely no legal say in this decision.  It appears to me that this girl wants to transfer the responsibility of the decision to your boyfriend so that she can assume the identity of a victim.  Whatever choice this girl makes your boyfriend has absolutely no responsibility for.

Your boyfriend needs to make his decisions based on what this girl is actually doing rather than what she could do, or is threatening to do.  What this girl could do is merely an illusion since it hasn't happened yet.  This illusion of what this girl could do is creating fear in your boyfriend.  This fear is also an illusion and could be clouding your boyfriend's judgment.  Fear cannot exist in the present now moment so your boyfriend should make his decisions based on what this girl is actually doing not what she is threatening to do.  Staying focused in what is actually happening in the present now moment allows you to make your decisions from a place of peace rather than from a place of fear.

"While I see that as the best option, he is opposed to the thought of abortion and is afraid of what she may do."

I agree that having an abortion would probably be effective at getting this girl out of your boyfriend's life.  However, your boyfriend's moral and ethical values seem to be pro-life which means that his beliefs will encourage this girl to remain a part of his life, at a minimum, until the child becomes an adult.

"She is unstable at best and has been abusive both mentally as well as physically."

And I am sure that this behavior will continue into the future.  Unfortunately, your boyfriend will most likely be subjected to this behavior for many years to come since he will always be connected to this girl through the child.  Are you prepared to accept this as part of your life?

"What kind of rights does my boyfriend have as of now.?"

Your boyfriend has absolutely no rights until after the baby is born, and then he will need to establish paternity and get parenting rights through the court.  

One point that you need to understand is, that as a girlfriend you will never have any rights in any of this.  I know that you will have some influence in the choices that your boyfriend makes, but legally you will never have any rights.  

"How can we protect our selves from her and get full legal custody while she gets counseling?"  

It is unlikely that your boyfriend will get full custody right off the bat.  He will need to prove that the BM is an unfit mother, and that it is in the best interests of the child to change custody.  This is very difficult and expensive to do.

As far as your boyfriend protecting himself goes, he would do this by using the legal system.  He will need to get a court order that specifically spells out his parenting rights regarding parenting time, decision making, child support, extra expenses, ability to relocate, etc.  

The best way that you can protect yourself is to walk away from this situation.

Reality is that once this child is born this girl and your boyfriend will be connected together trough the child at least until the child is 18.  From what you have posted this girl will likely be an invasive presence in your boyfriend's life for many, many years.  Again, I think you may want to ask yourself if this is something that you are willing to accept, or if this is a deal breaker for you?  Personally I would think twice before allowing myself to become involved in a long-term dysfunctional and toxic life experience.