Haves vs Have Nots....

[acemolandsgal]

I will try to keep this short...but give enough detail to allow you to see why we are upset and need some guidance.  My husband and I were married June 2002. We met Feb 2002.  The timing is important since that is when all of this mess started. His ex took their kids and moved to FL in Feb 2001. Divorce final in Nov 2001. Up until finalized he continued to talk to kids and she even flew him to see her/kids 5 or 6 times from Feb 01 to Feb 02. Divorce final in TN. She and kids now residents of FL.  She is a woman from a very wealthy family (We have been told this doesn't matter). She paid cash for a condo on the beach and her new vehicle. Works and draws money on a 3 million dollar trust from her uncle. (which she inherited while married to my hubby but signed over to her mother when she decided that she wanted to divorce him).  Our problem is this....He has degenerative disc disease and has had 2 major operations in the past 3 years...was unable to work/pay for a while.  As stated before times are important here. She never asked for cs...she even paid his bills after she left.  But the week we were married...she started yelling to high heaven that she had no money.  We can't afford attorney's.  She has a team of them.  When we went to court to modify in 2003 he made 7.50 hr. cs was originally based on 14.00 per hr (which is what he earned as ot pay) He was a landscaper. cs was 550 monthly. but then was reduced to 500 monthly. She wants arrears back to the seperation date 01...arrears is now apprx 20,000. due to operations and recoup time and then finding other jobs that would keep him with the drop foot and degenerative disease and all the surgeries. When he worked we paid...when he didn't we sent her some money.  As I said after she decided she needed it all of a sudden.   She refuses to allow him to talk to the boys. After 2 years of repeatedly being told no...he finally gave up...it hurt tooooo much! We have been told that we have to go to FL and hire attorneys there and travel from AR to FL to fight her for visitation (even just phone calls).  Is this true?  It seems that since she has money and HUGE tits...she gets her way.  Has since day one and continues to.  She has money for attorneys...we sometimes don't have money for groceries for our kids.  Are we wrong in thinking that that both partents income as well as assets be considered when determining cs and that ALL courts should encourage visitation.  Trust me this woman is very smooth.  She can change in an instant and has always gotten her way. She is supposed to pay support for her first born who is with his father...yet she doesn't. He can afford to support them so he doesn't make her pay.  She knows the only way she can hurt my husband now is to take his money...she told him that I won't take having to scrimp and will kick him out eventually.  But I am not money hungry as she is. I have an ex and do not ask for more than needed for school expenses. I pay for everything else for my child...even though the court required more. I don't push for 1/2 of  all bills...I carry med ins...I paid for her glasses, food, clothes...etc.  Can something be done when ncp is practically indigant but cp has money?  when cp is indigant but ncp isn't seems like the same thing happens....with money you get off scott free.

[Ref]

DH has fought in the Fl court system for several years now and is currently woking on a child support modification. His case in in the Panhandle and I will recommend an attorney if your case is there too.

Here is a page that will help with paperwork

http://www.flcourts.org/gen_public/family/forms_rules/index.shtml

From what I understand, the case would appropriately be in Florida's juristdiction. The good thing is CS is easy to calculate. They also have a form to deviate from the CS calculation that takes into account a couple of things that you should be concerned with. 1. Cost of travel for visitation (actually that is case law (Florida Case Christ v. Christ) 2. Assets available to parties.

You should also modify your parenting agreement (both this & CS are 12.905 forms). What I would do is look to see if their county has a standard parenting agreement and adjust it for long distance. Make sure it is very specific. As a matter of fact, I would take out names on the one you draft and post on the board for a critique.

On a non-legal note, your husband should start sending his kids cards (confirmed delivery). He needs to involve himself again. The more time that goes by, the harder it will be. I just bought a book that everyone seems to be raving about called Divorce Poison. Go to divorcepoison.com to check it out. I will try to remember to post how I liked it after I get it form Amazon.

Good Luck,
You have a lot to read

Ref

[acemolandsgal]

Thank you very much we will check it out.  Unfortunately...cs is under TN law...the visitation is under FL law...Miami area.   We sent birthday gifts that were returned 3 yrs ago....fortunately the next year she allowed us to send things to them. We did and when we phoned to see if the received their gifts...she told us only 2 were in the box that ups left it on doorway and someone opened it and took all the presents for the oldest son. ( the oldest was 4 when they last saw each other and the littlest was only 1...the baby was 2 monthes old when she left.)  He and Jr. had a very tight bond. He was the only one who spent time with Jr. she would tell him to stay in his room and leave her alone (this is confirmed by Grandma and a few old friends who witnessed it.).  She told Jr. after we were married (her on the phone talking to him in the room) that his daddy had a new wife and kids and didn't want him anymore so not to ever expect a phone call from dad again.  His son just started screaming that he wanted to talk to his daddy. She hung up the phone.  A real piece of cake she is! (arsonic cake)

[Ref]

There is one more resource that is really helpful. This site has a board called Dear Socreteaser. He is a lawyer and VERY helpful. Just make sure you follow his rules and it will reward you in your efforts 100 times. (Keep an eye on rule #10).

Good Luck!
Ref

[acemolandsgal]

Thank you very much. And might I add that this sight has been helpful and the people actually seem to care. I went to another site that was for "free advice" it was a forum...however all they could manage was a lot of BS such as the ncp should pay no matter what jobless, in the hospital doesn't matter pay up.  I tried to make the point to them...that what I believe and use in my life is something called fairness.  With my ex I didn't drag him through the ringer.  I didn't ask for more than he could pay.  He does make more than I...but just pays what I think a reasonable amount that doesn't hurt his family at all. And when he was unemployed and didn't pay...I never stopped him from speaking/see his child. And I have never gone after arrears or med reimbursment...even though he could comfortably afford to pay it.   The situation with my current is just the opposite.  I just can't believe that there are people out there who play games with their children. Especially when they are day care teachers with early childhood development degrees.  I like to think that there are no "evil" people ...just jealous and bitter.  I only picked up the pieces of a good man that she threw out...but because he is happy and didn't run to FL to be with her as she kept asking him to (she offered brand new vehicles and trips for them anywhere in the world he wanted to go...would buy him anything he wanted, go anywhere he wanted if he would come to her)  He just told her point blank....you can't buy love. And he was very happily in love this time and their lives together ended when she finalized the divorce.   Well...anyway...thanks for a forum that doesn't start jumping down peoples throats because they don't have millions in the bank but still want to help take care of all the people that count on them....first children...second marriage children....and current family included.....all equally and fairly.  No one family should be thrust into poverty while the other lives in luxury with trips to disney every other week.