Fustrated father

[Jay]

Two years ago I moved from N.J. to Florida., my son and my baby mom were supposed to come with me. The day I went to picked them up she refused to come because her mom lives there in N.J. and  she had no friends in Florida. My intention was to provide a decent life for my son and her. Months after I learned the real reason why she stayed, she was with someone else and she was pregnant from him.

Every time I fly to New Jersey to see my son I have to go on a manhunt to find her, she moves all the time. I've explained to her that besides paying for his health insurance and instead of me sending her goods and clothing for my son every month I've rather put myself in child support but she refuses, she threatened me that if I do she will run away with my son and I'll never see him again. She has court fear because she is illegal in this country.

I went to see my son who is now 4 years old on mid-august and I was there on my three days off with my fiance, I could tell my son was on a desperate need of love and attention it was obvious. Since she saw how good my fiance was to my son she said I could take him to Florida for 2 weeks because she needed a break.

So even though it was expensive I drove with my fiance the following week on my days off and  picked up my son. I was amazed how in 2 weeks he didn't missed his mom or granma and how I had to run after him and begged him to talk to his mom on the phone. When he was here his mom was calling him 2 times a day.

When it was time to go back we all went toghether, my fiance, me and my son. When he noticed we were in N.J. and saw the door of his mom apt. he said "daddy I don't want to go in there, please". When his mom came out he had a terror face. The first thing she said to my son was "welcome back to bootcamp". She told me will get him again for christmas. When I said goodbye to my son, he started crying and grabbed me by my shirt and said don't leave me here daddy, I want to go with you to florida. Then she jumped in and said daddy is going to the store he'll be right back,(of course anything to make me look bad). I left it there, I didn't wanted my son to be there crying.

While he was here he was happy and he mentioned several things. He said his mom has no time for him, she is always wroking or sleeping. I learned she works on a bar at night and sleeps all day until is time to go to work and her mom takes care of him.  The nickname they called him by is  "bitch" but in spanish. He said his mom always hits him with a belt and that he rarely goes to the park.  My ex-sister in law told me that the grandma always yells at him and says bad words to him constantly. I also believe she might be using my son's social to obtain goods, since she is illegal.

I called DYFS asked to remain anonymously and asked them to check how is my son being treated and review the emotional and verbal abuse my son was going through, since it was affecting his behavior, my intention was to make sure my son was ok, plus I  was afraid they were selling drugs from the apt. because of a conversation I heard when I picked up my son. The lady from DYFS told me nothing will be done unless she was positive in the drug test and besides she is doing better than the last time because before she was living in a hotel, she said that some girl called DYFS before and my baby mom was positive for drugs at that time.

MY baby mom called me insulted me and said to forget about my son, and that he wasn't coming for christmas, now don't let me talk to my son anymore, she said she has a friend that worked in DYFS and she told her it was me the one that called. I call every week and she hangs up on me all the time. I'm afraid she is telling my son that I forgot about him, that I'm not calling him no more or bad things to change his mind about me. What should I do, now I want custody of him, I don't want him to grow up bitter like her or do drugs like his grandmother, he deserves an  opportunity in life an be treated with love on a steady household.



I own my home in Florida with my fiance and I hold a permanent job with the local government. What will be the best thing for me to do. If I go to court. I'm afraid she will run away to her country or hide my son, someone please help me.

[Bolivar]

It is hard to answer this question.  However let me say that there is a lot you can do to help your situation.

From your post you were never married and you have not established with the court a visitation schedule.

If that is true you will have to establish a parenting schedule and pay child support........ But wait .......  

However, since the child was born in the US and she is an illegal immigrant you may have a legal precedence to keep the child here in the states. (I'm guessing on that one)

Try negotiating with the mom allowing you to care for you son for 3-4 months and she can come and visit.  6 months would be ideal since that seems to be the magic number to show residency (of your child).

You will need to confer with an Attorney to the options available and how to proceed.

A MUST:
Courts look at Dads as wallets and Moms as angels.
If you do NOT have a strategy Mom will win.

"Women are not men's life partners, but rivals favored by law."

Have a Plan and THINK before you Act!!!

Try posting your question at:
DadDivorce:  http://www.dadsdivorce.com/forum/
CustodyReform: http://www.custodyreform.com/reform-files/wwwboard/wwwboard.html

[ilovemysd]

I have a question for the general population... if she's got court fear and won't go for cs, then obviously there was no custody order... if he's on the birth certificate, doesn't he have the ability to claim custody and not return the child from a visit?

Just wondering...

[gipsy]

try this one on Socrateaser's board , If there is no paternity test , Wich is a genetic test to prove you are the father . You will have no rights ,
  Secondly if there is no custody order the above post is correct , As My atty suggested this to me also ,
  That , There was no custody order and I could not get into trouble for takeing my son , But he could not garuntee that I could keep him after court action ,
  However If you are proven to be the father , then you will use that paperwork to get  on the birth certificate, And a parenting plan ,And then she cannot legally remove the child ,
  But if you had the child and she was arrested then she may have a problem ,
  I would certainly ask a few atty's , Many of us respond but don't really know the specific answers , And Even atty's give you silly answers some times , But if you interview five or more atty"s and they give you the same or similar answer then you could probably feel secure ,
  The funny thing is you can find her when you come too town After she hasmoved again , Personally I think I would just take my son and some picture's of the motel and mess etc and go get a temp order, And a restraining order for her to not take the child away , I could not let my son go back to this , And if you let him You are consenting , It seems that the court puts more wieght into the seriousness of this type of thing if you take the child away and go to court , Then if you try to go to court while the child is living in the circumstance , Like the court thinks if it's so bad why did you let the child go back voluntarily ,
   Again you should interview a number of atty's . My atty had one of his clients do exactly as I told you Pic's of A water pipe and A couple of other things , And Won custody , Secondly if you don't make child support legally established . She can come to court and say you never paid and you have to prove it ,  I bet in her condition she can't cash a check due Identification and banking problems any way ,
   Ya really need to call and interview a bunch of atty's