Men should always fight for custody

[dipper]

After being married to a man that gets beat up in the court system...I honestly believe that any time a couple separates, the father should fight for custody.  If not, he will be fighting the rest of his child's life to be a part of it.  

My dh has twice attempted to get custody of his son since the mother moved two hours away.  After the last court hearing, son was kicked out of school, burned, and in the fall he did two things at school that resulted in criminal charges.  He is 14.

After six months of postponements the hearing took place today.  The judge didnt care what ss said.  BM lied constantly, making herself look like such a wonderful mother.  They brought up issues from well before the last court order....which I thought was off limits....

The judge actually said that he could see my ss getting in serious trouble as he gets older.........and then told my dh he doesnt know why he would want son to live with him anyway.

We had everything we needed...and the judge said we had change in circumstances, but he felt that ss would get into trouble here as well (nothing to base this on).  He said he wasnt going to give ss what he wanted..........

DH tried to get a copay adjustment on medical bills, but they didnt even look at it.......because BM said she had requested an increase in CS two years ago................so, though they could find no paperwork, the judge just took her word and left everything in the air.  Now, we were going to seek filing ss on taxes, but of course BM's tactics allow her to do this again...........

I dont have any faith in this court system

[Genie]

I wish I had an ex who was worthy of co parenting our children. Instead, he doesn't work, doesn't support them, doesn't have a place to live and uses the money he does get to smoke and get drunk on a daily basis.

It would be nice if the courts would see the good Dads out there and make sure they have a place in their children's lives. Too bad you aren't in IL.  I know many Dad's who have had good success in Northern IL.

[smtotwo]

there are also ALOT of women like that.  

my son has custody of my grandson because his ex-her own words-Doesn't want the responsibility, doesn't want to me a mother, but I'll take him once in a while.

When he cries because she leaves she says He needs to deal with it and realize that I am coming back.

You expalin that to an 18 month old.


She sees him for 1-2 days every 2 or 3 weeks then calls because she cant handle it.  They were supposed to have 50/50 but she refuses,. doesn't work, lives from friend to friends house, has had 5 boyfriends that we know of in the last 2 months and thinks she might be pregnant again.

[dipper]

An appeal would probably be big money, and quite frankly we are behind on bills because we just paid this lawyer.  No other lawyer is going to touch an appealed case...and quite frankly, dh's lawyer was lazy.  

Of course the queen is on her thrown now....DH called to say that he cannot pick ss up until 6 because we are currently using one vehicle (and I am working)...and she goes off that she has plans and if he cant be there by 4 dont come at all - because she never leaves ss alone!

Then hangs up.  So, oss calls her back and tells her that she is a liar - she leaves ss alone all the time.  She then says she will leave him with neighbors - some of her trashy friends......

This is the crap we face constantly...her theatrics and rudeness...and her hanging up or running.  

[Sunshine1]

Why not a motion for reconsideration?  I would be telling that lawyer a thing or to ..tell him to get off his dead ass and get you some custody!!

If you don't you will regret you didn't do all that you could.  It is very discouraging we know.  Yu have to keep being the squeaky wheel.  What if SS refuses to leave?  The cops come and everything and if he is adament enough there will be a report done that he wants to live with his father.  I am not suggesting dirty tactics...I am merely hinting that underhanded tactics sometimes work.

[dipper]

My ss absolutely refused to leave on Labor day.  My dh told him to get in the car, he refused.  This resulted in BM cursing my husband loudly in our yard - calling him a MF and SOB over and over in front of both sons and a nephew.  Then she slapped my ss across the face...hard...I heard it in the house.  

What happens....she goes to the police station and they just call here and ask what is going on...SS talks to them and tell the officer about her hitting him as he was sitting down - SS did not deserve any hit of any kind....SS asked if he could file charges and the officer said yes - but it would have to be in the morning as the magistrate would not come out the next day.

Guess what?  The next day when dh took ss in to file the charges, an officer shows up and removes ss from dh's care.  BM was at J&D and had filed that DH would NOT return ss (total bs) ....the judge signed that dh had failed to return ss after visitation on that Sunday night (which he was not even to do!)....and the police were to pick ss up.

Then the judge yesterday said she had a right to slap ss - he 'probably' deserved it......all children deserve a slap at times.  No kidding - this judge said that!

What burns my ass up is that BM told so many lies and while our lawyer said you can tell she is a master manipulator, I think he was captured by it.  He had proof to negate her lies and he didnt do so.

I really dont know if an appeal would be of any use.  It sounds from all dh said that his lawyer didnt do his job 100% - he didnt make her out to be the lying, ruthless, do-anything-to-piss-dh-off person that she is.....
 
They met sigificant change in circumstances, but by not proving the bad morals, lack of discipline, etc that she puts in front of ss....I dont think they proved that dh would be a better parent.  That was his lawyer's duty...

[wendl]

Genie my ex is the same way.

It is so sad the way courts treat men, but hell they will ALWAYS go after then more and more money. Sad sad, it isn't about what is BEST for the kids, if it was then 50/50 physical custody would be awarded more. but nope its all about the money. IMO

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Genie]

IL even has a joint custody law or something and I don't think it is used as much as it should be. Fortunately in my case I got sole custody. Hoever, there are many parents out there that do deserve to have the joint custody law or act used b/c it would benefit the children.

The bad thing is that even though there is an Interference of Visitation law in IL, it is rarely used. The only county I encountered that would enforce it was Grundy and they were very good with it.  All the others state it is a civil issue and to take it to court. Don't care or want to hear that there is a law in place they are supposed to give ticket and court date for.  Strange that the police stations can choose which law to enforce and which ones to ignore.


This only enables the CP's to continue to play games even if ordered by judge not to. Why should they go by a court document if there is nothing standing in their way not too. I don't know of anyone that has actually been held in contempt for denying visitation and parenting time. I think my ex would've actually accomplished it if he didn't let his drinking get in the way. We had his first wife nailed to the wall and he blew it with his drinking, deciding not to work and not paying his CS.  

too bad the bad parents make it hard for the good parents to get anywhere.  And I do agree that there are also bad Mothers out there too. It is my experience that the % of Mothers that are NCP that don't pay CS is much higher than the % of Fathers that don't pay. One good thing is that my county's deadbeat parent website also has deadbeat Mothers on it too.

[debid13065]

>IL even has a joint custody law or something and I don't
>think it is used as much as it should be. Fortunately in my
>case I got sole custody. Hoever, there are many parents out
>there that do deserve to have the joint custody law or act
>used b/c it would benefit the children.
>
>The bad thing is that even though there is an Interference of
>Visitation law in IL, it is rarely used. The only county I
>encountered that would enforce it was Grundy and they were
>very good with it.  All the others state it is a civil issue
>and to take it to court. Don't care or want to hear that there
>is a law in place they are supposed to give ticket and court
>date for.  Strange that the police stations can choose which
>law to enforce and which ones to ignore.
>
>
>This only enables the CP's to continue to play games even if
>ordered by judge not to. Why should they go by a court
>document if there is nothing standing in their way not too.  I think my ex
>would've actually accomplished it if he didn't let his
>drinking get in the way. We had his first wife nailed to the
>wall and he blew it with his drinking, deciding not to work
>and not paying his CS.  
>
>too bad the bad parents make it hard for the good parents to
>get anywhere.  And I do agree that there are also bad Mothers
>out there too. It is my experience that the % of Mothers that
>are NCP that don't pay CS is much higher than the % of Fathers
>that don't pay. One good thing is that my county's deadbeat
>parent website also has deadbeat Mothers on it too.

[debid13065]

I don't know of anyone that has actually been held in contempt for denying visitation and parenting time.

My BF has court ordered visitation Tue-Thurs 5-7pm and Sat. 10-8pm.  He continued to send denial of visitation letters to her (certified mail) and to the courts for the docket file.  When he had enough violations, when in and filed contempt charges on her.  Contempt was issued on 11/5, Mother is not to interfere with fathers time (right!!!!) she has a 30-day jail sentance hanging over her head!  She kept telling the judge that the kids don't want to go with him, and I'm not forcing them to go.  Judge said yes you will or you will go to jail.  She now has to bring them to the police station, but she is 20-30 minutes late during the week and always 2 hrs. late on the weekends, because she works nights.....the kids need to sleep....10am is too early.  And the cops told him to go to court and change it, he said no!  Court order states my visitation is from 10-8pm.  If mother wants it changed SHE needs to change it.  So as of 1/5 she's on a day-to-day contempt.  By the end of this month there will be enough missed time and interference by her to take her back to court.  The judge told her next time, she will lose custody of the kids.