Contempt, accusations, and threats.

[dipper]

DH and BM went to court on January 19, 2006.  Old Judge felt that ss was being manipulative and that he was not 'going to give ss what he wants' and ordered that ss stay with BM.  The order is not filed yet as her lawyer still hasnt signed it.  This is 33 days now!

BM seems to feel that as nothing was done for her actions in Jan. she has nothing to fear.  She has violated the order by refusing dh visitaiton time.  She refuses to make it up, refuses to make any kind of agreement on the scheduling of visitaiton.  

In writing, she has accused dh of grilling ss and accuses him (and me) of fighting her on everything.  She basically accuses dh of being selfish for wanting to spend six days a month with their son.

She has (in writing) threatened to grill ss about every minute he is in our home...and stated that dh needs to stop complaining or she will not let ss stay here any extra time (as if....)

Basically, it was a stop your whining or i will give you something to cry about letter.

I am a little surprised as we had copied all lawyers and GAL on dh's last letter...she doesnt note if she did this.  DH is planning on replying...copying to all lawyers again as well as enclosing her most recent correspondence.

Now, the GAL may not seem to matter at this time as court is over.  However, dh is planning on appealing the most recent case.  IN Virginia, once a court order is signed, you have 10 days to appeal from Juvenile and Domestic court to circuit court.

As her lawyer has not signed, things seem to be getting out of hand.  DH just wants his court ordered rights...yet, she claims this is him fighting with her.

Any suggestions?  Do you think its wise to respond, when we already know it will do no good?  If we do respond in a business manner, will it be helpful to show that we are being rational as compared to her bickering?



Mind you, she had two weeks to compose her letter..and she still sent one filled with anger.

[MixedBag]

BTDT -- I suggest you don't reply because EX's like that just plain don't listen to you and care.  They are all about themselves and not about the children.

I suggest that you file for another contempt if she has already violated the verbal order that you expect to come down in writing.  Go right back at her and go that route.

Appeals are filed when you think the judge hasn't followed the law and there is usually other case law that supports your position.  Is that the case?

[CustodyIQ]

(note that I'm not an attorney, but here is my two cents):

1)  If BM's attorney hasn't drafted/signed the orders, DH's attorney probably has the ability to send orders to the court with a cover letter akin to, "BM's attorney has not responded to requests for draft orders and findings after the January hearing held 5 weeks ago.  In the interest of judicial efficiency, I've taken liberty to draft orders this court made so that they can be entered and filed."

2) It's not worth replying point-by-point to any accusations.  If you prove them wrong (to the mother), she'll just jump to new accusations.  At some point, DH has to say to himself, "She can believe whatever she wants to believe, and I have no control over that."  Court really won't care about the back-and-forth letters, and who said what.  The court just sees it as stupid bickering.  It's a no-win situation for DH, with regard to that, so just don't participate.

3) If BM is violating court orders, it'd be worth it to send a concise, factual correspondence to her and her attorney, outlining your expectations for orders (and which precise ones) to be followed.  Maybe even mention in the correspondence that it's done out of attempt to avoid court again.

If she violates the court orders, then you go back for contempt.  DH should ask his attorney how to document the contempt in preparation for filing a contempt motion.

[BelleMere]

As far as visitation time goes  until this order is signed, the old order (whatever that was) stands, so that's what you are legally bound to. I assume if she isn't signing this one that it actually gives you all more time with SS? What does your atty say about her not signing? There should be a time frame of some kind.

As for the letters, she can't legally withhold visitation just because she's got a bee in her bonnet, so you have to do what you can to enforce visitation regardless. If you have any order that specifically states when visitation is to occur, get the police to go with you for pick up and if she isn't there with SS, file a police report. That's the best you can do and it actually did work with our BM, after DH did it twice.

[dipper]

Belle, actually no - the visitation time is the same.  the only extras in the new order are that ss will have to undergo counseling - as chosen by the GAL and that each parent will pay half.  Typically, dh is ordered to pay 75% of copays.  

this happened last year as well - she had a different lawyer, but it was mid March before the order was signed, after a January hearing.  I am wondering if she has not paid her lawyer and he is refusing to end the case because of it.

DH's attorney just keeps in contact with the court to see if has reached them yet.  

BM made plans for ss two weekends in February.  This gave dh only two weekends instead of his court ordered three.  She refuses any make-up time and says he needs to stop complaining or she will stop letting him have any extra time.  Note: court order also states that visitaiton is not limited to the three weekends.  Summer he has six weeks and there are only 8 weeks when ss is availabe.  She will not agree to any schedule for that either.

SS is to be here for half of spring.....she has asked ss if he wants to go to Florida.

As for getting the police, she is to provide transportation two weekends out of the three.  She tried to have this changed in court, but the judge wouldnt.  Now, her car has had it and she is driving her mother's vehicle.  So, dh is thinking she will refuse to bring ss soon.

[dipper]

Thank you for your reply.  Actually we are in Virginia.  After days of worrying over the big deal of appealing, we were informed that we dont have to prove anything about case law.  We simply appeal from juvenile and domestic court and get a new trial at circuit court.   This is done because J & D does not record testimony.  therefore, its like its not as binding.  Circuit court would record all testimony.

I am wondering if dh could file contempt in J & D and then file an appeal once the recent order is actually signed and filed.  Two cases in two different courts simultaneously.

The letters - we were thinking this was our avenue for documentation.  But, as you said she doesnt care.  her recent letter was threats, accusations, and pure lies.

[dipper]

Thank you for your response.

Since court in January, BM has taken a weekend of visitation from dh and refuses to make it up.  They have joint legal - dh reminded her in writing that he is to have prior knowledge of decisions, and she still wont do it.  What good is joint legal?  She will not agree to any summer schedule.  All visitaiton is at her dictation as she makes it around her plans and has no regard for ours.

DH's attorney and the GAL signed a court order and his attorney mailed it to her lawyer around 2/8.  Nothing has been heard.  DH's attorney calls the court to see if it has been returned, but no effort beyond that.

She lives in a fantasy world, so we know she just makes up more stuff - but, we were using letters as our documentation.  

We did send a letter with the specific violations and requests for agreements concerning joint legal and schedule of visitation....copied to her lawyer, dh's lawyer, and the GAL.  We did include that this was an attempt to avoid involving a third party.

Two weeks later she sent back a letter saying she will not make up any time and dh better stop complaining or she would not let him ever have extra time.  She said a lot in that letter.......

WE are awaiting the court order so that we can file the appeal to circuit court.  That would give dh a new trial.  What are your thoughts on filing contempt in J & D court...and then once we have a signed order, filing an appeal to go to circuit court?

[gipsy]

what I found out is ask your atty if all this matters '
  I found that all the letters don't really matter ,
  They go by the court order , So I would Ask atty if you are going by the courts order that was signed or the courts order that is supposed to be signed ,
  It's not at all surprising that these papers are late , I feel  I had a good atty , And My parenting plan ; After trial" Wasn't done till the last minute , And of course there was a complaint from the psycho and some sort of argument ,
   By the way My atty's theory of contempt is , File every time  they violate the order , So you need to know if the order is in effect ,
  And My Atty say's " It's not likely to gether on contempt because you have to prove it and she won't be likely to confess " She will blame you for it " And have her story ,
  And of course that was the case , But her atty and my atty  And the commissioner agreed to a make up day And ny psycho did it
   And  I had to learn to address the Issue '  and NOT get into the feverish war :
   And yes my atty has gave me some strategy to cost her . And it works