DH won custody

[dipper]

AFter almost two years of court disappointments, dh was successful in winning custody of his 14 year old son yesterday.   He has been divorced for five years, had custody of oldest (who is now 20) and 50% of youngest.  Until we married - his ex moved two hours away right before our wedding.

She began taking time away from dh and ignored the fact that ss did not want to move.  She badmouthed dh in court - and we were so naive back then.  The past two years have grown steadily worse with the control and games.....

SS has to finish up school where he currently resides, but then he comes here to live.  We are very excited.  SS has issues and we honestly believe he just needs positive attention, firmness, *love*, and his ADHD medication/counseling.......


There is some concern about an appeal, continued games, etc, but overall we are just very happy and relieved.  

[MixedBag]

I hope that SS does better with you guys...

And yes, the games will continue, BUT you've got a much better chance at correcting and fixin' stuff.

[Kent]

Congratulations!

NEVER GIVE UP!!!  It pays!

Kent!

[Sunshine1]

this message:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! It was a looooooong hard road and it finally paid off!! Please Please PLEASE post to us about what happened!!!!!

WhooooHOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am doing a happy dance for you...Everyone join in..Dipper got his son today!!!!!!! Yipppeeeeeee!

You will have to post the details.  SS is going to do better simply because there are *rules* at your house.  Kids crave structure and love.  He is going to do a 180 degree turnaround...watch and see.

I am so happy for you!

[dipper]

Short recap - I found this board 1 1/2 years ago after dh was creamed in court while trying to gain custody of his son.  DH and I were extremely naive, so when he went to court and she showed up with a lawyer - things went very badly.  

 Honestly, since June 2004 has been a nightmare.  I could not have ever imagined anyone could act the way bm has.  DH is a great father....it would never enter his mind to NOT pay support..and he dotes over his sons.  Yet, he is constantly accused of being selfish and everything is doled out to her whim...

On the fourth custody hearing in January,  a retired judge heard the case for the first time.  While he agreed there were issues (behavior problems, criminal charges, severe burns), he felt ss was manipulative. He also told dh he did not see why he would want him as he could foresee serious trouble with ss in the future.  The GAL spoke of what ss wanted, but did not make a recommendation either way.  

DH was waiting to appeal as soon as the court order was filed.  However, BM's lawyer would not sign it.  He played games too - claimed he had not received it, was sent a second one and held that for over a month......BM lost her apt. and ss was kicked out of school for the second school  year.  He was enrolled in her parent's county now.

So, dh's lawyer filed a motion to reconsider as the court order had not been filed.  We took a chance and wrote all our concerns down and mailed them to GAL - and suggested that maybe ss' behavior is not manipulation but acting out what he sees lived in front of him.

Two weeks later, we went to court.  DH's lawyer had not looked over anything we had sent him and just seemed to be in a bad mood.  the night before, I had prayed an annointing prayer.

DH was amazed.  SS did wonderfully on the stand.  BM's lawyer asked him several different ways about living with his grandparents..didnt he actually like it "NO".....was the answer each time.  BM's lawyer brought up her horrid behavior at the deposition, stating that wasnt she only upset because she was left out  - ss answered no, she was against him the entire time.

The GAL said he strongly urged custody to be reversed as we could provide a more stable home.    When BM tried to lie that she had discussed the court ordered counseling with the GAL and dh...the GAL spoke up and said No she had not - he did not know about her taking ss anywhere until over a month later.  Then BM sat there and rattled off an address and stated that "dh knows now!"

BM complained of how little support she gets - but then said her parents provide for ss' shelter, clothes, and food.  The judge spoke up and told her this case was not her parents versus dh, but her.

BM said she was looking at apts. near her parents...but when questioned about the price range, she admitted that they were $200 - $300 more a month than the apt. she had been kicked out of.

While BM had previously stated that as ss is big, she was trying to help him lose weight....yet, this time they seemed to think ss was happy because he had a refrigerator next to his bed (sofa - and the kitchen was next room).  SS said he didnt like it...  Dh's lawyer pointed out that having a TV, entertainment system, and refrigerator near a child with ADHD is not a great idea.

BM said her brother would be moving out of her parent's home, opening up a bedroom for ss.  Of course, this had just came up the night before court....convenient.  The GAL questioned this as they had not told him when he went for the evaluation on the home.

BM came prepared to impress with pics of her parents home - and the bedroom they were claiming would be 14 year old ss'.  The judge had one question - was that her belongings or her mothers in the room and she answered they were her mother's things.  

Finally, the judge said that he could not see bm getting her act together anytime in the near future.  SS has to finish out the four weeks of school there, but he comes to live with us the day after.  

the judge did tell dh that he still could not see why he would want ss to live with him....that he still believes ss will get into serious trouble..and that dh is going to have a long road ahead of him... (( I kinda believe the judge was 'protecting' us in January - as in, she messed him up, let her deal with it...))

But, we are very optimistic.  The judge obviously believes that ss is beyond help by now......we dont feel the same at all.  

I had to leave to go in to work once court was in session - it had been delayed almost 1 1/2 hours.  I wish that I could have been there when dh finally came out with a smile and thumbs up!!!  We are thrilled!  SS was friends with my daughters and I before dh and I ever dated....he encouraged dh to come over and visit with me....lol.....

And as for bm....ss told dh that she had set up dh with the clinical social worker the day he takes custody.  She wont tell dh about any appts, but makes one for him....how sweet.

I dont believe she will stop her games - at least not for a while.  It is hard to relax as there is a feeling she will try something....

I am very proud of dh...he did not give up.  He is a very negative person..but, he kept trudging away......He knew his son was not happy, and he knows his son deserves a chance at a normal life and he just kept fighting for it......