Form from SPARC

[glessen]

I have sent a copy of the form "obtaining my child's medical records" to all of my daughter's doctor's. Do I also need to send a copy or a summary of what I have sent to my daughters doctors to her mother, who has custody of her. But I provide insurance and am responsable for half of bill.

[notnew]

After original custody settlement, which did not address these matters at all, I spent several fruitless years with the letter and copies of the order with little or no cooperation from schools and doctors.

In subsequent court action an order was issued stating emphatically that I am allowed access to these records and that the school/dr. must provide them to me upon request. Magically, most of the issues have cleared up. However, you will constantly have to remind them of your involvement becuase they seem to keep forgetting you exist. Not to mention some professionals who outright lie (they are so much fun to deal with!).

Offer to make an appointment to meet with any doctor to discuss your child's healthcare and pay if necessary. I have done this. I believe it is unethical for any professional to do this, but it works so that is all that matters.

As far as 1/2 of the bills go. Our order is the same and ex has NEVER sent me any information on co-pays due. Please keep in mind that IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBLITY to chase around after every professional your child sees to get this information. The CP has been ORDERED to provide it to you. Failure to include you and provide this information is alienation and wrong of her to do.

My insurance has real time information available on line. You can monitor it that way and when you see child has a co-pay due from a visit, you can send a letter to the CP saying you are aware of the visit and to please forward a copy of the billing from the doctor so you may pay your 1/2. I'd be interested to see what kind of response you get from that.

Another approach may be for you to offer to fill out an additional patient information sheet so the doctor's office will have your billing information should the CP fail to pay their co-pays or they can send duplicate billings. I have never done this, but it just occurred to me as a good idea (maybe).

It is hard to HAVE to be nice, smile, and be polite to these people when they are blocking your access to your child. Imagine how they would feel in the same position!  But you must be as cordial as possible while firmly stating your position. If you get angry and show it, you will be seen as hostile and be cut out altogether.

As far as the dentist, if you restate your position and remind them of the law regarding the matter, then you can resort to a higher authority if you can find one (I am not sure). If they say they must speak to the CP to get permission, tell them to go right ahead. If CP says no, then CP is demonstrating alienation and that is not good for the child.

This is a brick wall that is constantly being built up and you will constantly have to knock down. Can't sugar coat it for you.

I don't think you would have to send the mother this information. She already knows you have rights to this and that she is denying your rights and she doesn't care. I've never heard of this being required before, but others may know better.

Professionals and schools hate this situations. They see a potentially legally liable condition for themselves and it is much easier to err on the side of the CP no matter what is really going on with the child (even when CP is doing wrong). Some walls you will never be able to knock down, but you have to keep trying.

This is not legal advice, just an opinion.

[glessen]

Walls in not the word. BIAS to fathers is more like it. I have made great steps today with the help of my wife. The denist first denied me acess to my daughters records then I phoned the Dentist Society in the county of where the office is and guess what I am getting now? Just a phone call from them to the denist was enough to scare them a little. I believe my daughter is needing all the dental work done for she wants straight teeth before she is no longer on my GOOD insurance and she does not have to pay for it. My mission is to find out if it is medically needed or she just wants to look pretty.
The part that makes me sick out of all this is the only time my daughter calls me is when she wants her birthday money, work on her truck, or just money. I did not realize I was an ATM mechine.

But she turns 18 in Sept. of this yr. I still have to pay $700 in support until June of next yr. for she is still in school. Working full time thou for she is on a work release program. But I just know this is not going to end well.

For the county this is in, if you are the NCP you are basicaly screwed and the CP can do whatever they want to do even if they are court order to do something it doesn't matter. I have lost thousands of dollars because of that.

[notnew]

essentially, since she is almost 18 and your child support will end next year. If we all added up the $$$ we've lost, there would be billions I am sure. I bet if we pooled it all together, there would be enough money to lobby the politicians and get these stupid laws changed. But then, the kids would not be taken care of and we'd still look like pieces of crap. See, can't win for losing!

Believe me, I know the experiences you are going through with the only calling when they need something. My wife has grown kids and were teenagers when we got together. She let them live with whomever they wanted and they both bounced back and forth some, but in this situation Dad became the super cool parent where anything goes and Mom kept being a Mom. Totally uncool. It was real hard on her sometimes, but we are all stronger people for it in the end.

You'll have to put your foot down at some point and say this is what I'm going to do for you and this is what I won't do. It's hard to draw the line, but when you do and hold to it, life gets quite a bit easier.

Be patient, your trials are going to get easier soon. But don't forget, they may grow up and go out on their own, but they always have a way of needing you.

[glessen]

I have sent a copy of the form "obtaining my child's medical records" to all of my daughter's doctor's. Do I also need to send a copy or a summary of what I have sent to my daughters doctors to her mother, who has custody of her. But I provide insurance and am responsable for half of bill.

[notnew]

After original custody settlement, which did not address these matters at all, I spent several fruitless years with the letter and copies of the order with little or no cooperation from schools and doctors.

In subsequent court action an order was issued stating emphatically that I am allowed access to these records and that the school/dr. must provide them to me upon request. Magically, most of the issues have cleared up. However, you will constantly have to remind them of your involvement becuase they seem to keep forgetting you exist. Not to mention some professionals who outright lie (they are so much fun to deal with!).

Offer to make an appointment to meet with any doctor to discuss your child's healthcare and pay if necessary. I have done this. I believe it is unethical for any professional to do this, but it works so that is all that matters.

As far as 1/2 of the bills go. Our order is the same and ex has NEVER sent me any information on co-pays due. Please keep in mind that IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBLITY to chase around after every professional your child sees to get this information. The CP has been ORDERED to provide it to you. Failure to include you and provide this information is alienation and wrong of her to do.

My insurance has real time information available on line. You can monitor it that way and when you see child has a co-pay due from a visit, you can send a letter to the CP saying you are aware of the visit and to please forward a copy of the billing from the doctor so you may pay your 1/2. I'd be interested to see what kind of response you get from that.

Another approach may be for you to offer to fill out an additional patient information sheet so the doctor's office will have your billing information should the CP fail to pay their co-pays or they can send duplicate billings. I have never done this, but it just occurred to me as a good idea (maybe).

It is hard to HAVE to be nice, smile, and be polite to these people when they are blocking your access to your child. Imagine how they would feel in the same position!  But you must be as cordial as possible while firmly stating your position. If you get angry and show it, you will be seen as hostile and be cut out altogether.

As far as the dentist, if you restate your position and remind them of the law regarding the matter, then you can resort to a higher authority if you can find one (I am not sure). If they say they must speak to the CP to get permission, tell them to go right ahead. If CP says no, then CP is demonstrating alienation and that is not good for the child.

This is a brick wall that is constantly being built up and you will constantly have to knock down. Can't sugar coat it for you.

I don't think you would have to send the mother this information. She already knows you have rights to this and that she is denying your rights and she doesn't care. I've never heard of this being required before, but others may know better.

Professionals and schools hate this situations. They see a potentially legally liable condition for themselves and it is much easier to err on the side of the CP no matter what is really going on with the child (even when CP is doing wrong). Some walls you will never be able to knock down, but you have to keep trying.

This is not legal advice, just an opinion.

[glessen]

Walls in not the word. BIAS to fathers is more like it. I have made great steps today with the help of my wife. The denist first denied me acess to my daughters records then I phoned the Dentist Society in the county of where the office is and guess what I am getting now? Just a phone call from them to the denist was enough to scare them a little. I believe my daughter is needing all the dental work done for she wants straight teeth before she is no longer on my GOOD insurance and she does not have to pay for it. My mission is to find out if it is medically needed or she just wants to look pretty.
The part that makes me sick out of all this is the only time my daughter calls me is when she wants her birthday money, work on her truck, or just money. I did not realize I was an ATM mechine.

But she turns 18 in Sept. of this yr. I still have to pay $700 in support until June of next yr. for she is still in school. Working full time thou for she is on a work release program. But I just know this is not going to end well.

For the county this is in, if you are the NCP you are basicaly screwed and the CP can do whatever they want to do even if they are court order to do something it doesn't matter. I have lost thousands of dollars because of that.

[notnew]

essentially, since she is almost 18 and your child support will end next year. If we all added up the $$$ we've lost, there would be billions I am sure. I bet if we pooled it all together, there would be enough money to lobby the politicians and get these stupid laws changed. But then, the kids would not be taken care of and we'd still look like pieces of crap. See, can't win for losing!

Believe me, I know the experiences you are going through with the only calling when they need something. My wife has grown kids and were teenagers when we got together. She let them live with whomever they wanted and they both bounced back and forth some, but in this situation Dad became the super cool parent where anything goes and Mom kept being a Mom. Totally uncool. It was real hard on her sometimes, but we are all stronger people for it in the end.

You'll have to put your foot down at some point and say this is what I'm going to do for you and this is what I won't do. It's hard to draw the line, but when you do and hold to it, life gets quite a bit easier.

Be patient, your trials are going to get easier soon. But don't forget, they may grow up and go out on their own, but they always have a way of needing you.