Volatile custody exchange today....

[skye]

I understand exactly how you feel and I will be the first to say it DOES NOT get better...bad thing is the courts will grant mom more visitation than dad got when he was NCP...I have seen this many times over...I will share a tool that has helped me a great deal..and it is FREE!!!!

//www.coparentcalendar.com

shoot her an email and (use her email to invite her) tell her
" we will not be discussing anything at DO or PU any longer as it results in you screaming at us in front of the children. I am requesting we use this to communicate for a while. I will be carrying a tape recorder to all DO and PU so that I can protect the children from this happening in front of them...have a blessed day"

[MixedBag]

I guess I'm just not expressing myself right, sorry.

[dipper]

With more of the same.  She calls him during his lunch break on their son's cell phone.  Dh and oss work together.  Well, she starts cursing dh and telling him how it is going to be again.

DH told her that is not the way it has been - that he never got all that time, and she refused visitation alot, she says, "That is in the past."  This is now, and she is getting every minute that she is entitled to.  And she is picking ss up this weekend.  So, trying to be flexible, dh told her that she could see ss if she brought him back the next day in time for his stepsisters birthday party...

Bm said no, the order says 7 and that's when it will be.  Dh said - havent I always allowed ss to attend things with your family?  She told him yes, but that is the past and she is not doing it.

See what we deal with!  It is crazy.......she told him that he will be hearing from her lawyer.....

I hate this woman...she cant give anything a dang chance.  and her son doesnt want to see her because he is tired of her causing scenes!

[MixedBag]

Even though it's flip flopped, when does the weekend start and end.

And that's when she gets SS.

Follow the order

[dipper]

Mixed...this is the problem.  The order is EXACTLY as it always has been, only roles have changed.  

For two years, dh got six weeks during the summer -chopped up, no third weekends, and she always had, 'circumstances may alter this time..." attached.  If we tried to propose a schedule, she changed it.  

Now, the exact same order is worded...

#1...Three weekends per month.  Then addresses time and transportation.

Goes on to discuss breaks, holidays, etc...

#6...Six weeks total in summer during months of June, July, and August with two weeks within.

Okay.....so, this could be argued either way.  The EXACT SAME ORDER has been treated for two years as if weekends were replaced during June, July, and August visitation WEEKS.   Now, while BM admits to that....she is saying she doesnt care, that its the past and thats where it belongs - in the past.

Not only is she demanding third weekends, she is demanding that she get an extra day for ss being in burn camp on a Friday - when she was the one who put him in there!

she wrote dh a letter telling him all of this...that the new order gives her these rights.  she also blames him for fighting, being hard to get along with and being the reason ss has problems.  She says he is making it hard on yss and oss......yet, she is the one cursing in front of yss and calling oss cell phone to fuss at dh.

Spoke with dh's lawyer who advised to file a show cause and ask for a clarification at that time.

We are willing to follow the judge's instructions........however, he will not be the judge who wrote the original order which is still in place as far as visitation rights.

Also, its just the power play....she completely controlled for years..and now she is still doing it.  She wrote dh a letter after talking with him the other day...and stated when SHE WILL have ss.....and then said that she will agree to set visitation this year, but next year, she will pick her own weeks because dh will not control her or tell her when she can or cannot see ss.

Welcome to the world we lived in for two years.....and we are trying to obey the court order, but magically the exact same wording changed in meaning when she became NCP.

[MixedBag]

and we all have one, you know?

"#1...Three weekends per month. Then addresses time and transportation."

That's when weekends start and end, period.  It doesn't matter what she has done in the past to put stipulations on DAD to return the child early or nothing.  See if I picked up somewhere in these threads, Dad wants the child to return to spend a certain event at Dad's place when the translation is that the child would have to return early.  His defense or logic is "Mom demanded it all the time when SHE was the CP."  Well, it's behavior like that that helped Dad flip the order.


"#6...Six weeks total in summer during months of June, July, and August with two weeks within."

I'm not sure I understand the words "with two weeks within"....I'm assuming it means she gets the child for 3 two week periods each month.  

Actually, Dip, As I see it, you guys "could" end up with NO WEEKENDS each summer.  

If Mom gets 3 out of 4 -- then that 4th weekend could be "used" over the two week period.

Or does it mean that 2 out of 3 weekends will be included in her two weeks?

Actually, now that I'm typing this out -- the word "within" makes me change my mind to say that  her two week weekends are within the 3 weekends a month.

As for the rest of it, you gotta learn to ignore her behavior totally.

I'll admit -- I too will write and have written to my EX and said "I will have our son" at this time or that time and he gets offended by it.  Quite frankly, I don't care if he gets offended.

Think about it -- the NCP DOES have rights as given to her in the order.  I know you know that, so get over her use of the word WILL.  Don't let her spin you up because she used that word.

I never meant anything by it (but your BM probably does), and just wanted to let EX know when I was going to have time with our son.  (In my case, I pay/paid for transportation, made reservations 6 months in advance and thought I was being NICE by letting him know.....we too argued over who gets to decide the WHEN, and judge said since I pay transportation, I decide WHEN.)

Actually -- let me take this one step further and ask you to look at the order this way.....  The order outlines the child's right to spend time with their mother and their father.  If you can focus on the child, when you read the order think of it as outlining the child's rights, not either parent, but the child.

[MixedBag]

sorry about that.

[4honor]

Don't worry about how BM interpretted it. Interpret it like any SANE person would.

I read the order to mean two weeks each month in summer with the weekends before and after the two weeks and the one in the middle -- that is 2 full weeks and one weeked attached. Since you state the order says the "weeks within."

A weekend is whatever it is defined in the order, and you don't get the option of changing it. Flexibility is only available if it is written into the order.

BM was nutz in how she ran the visitation. DON'T FOLLOW HER LEAD!!!

Read it like the sane sensible people you are. Read it like you used to when you were NCP's... like it should have been read all along.

Ignore BM's posturing. She is acting catty -- all attitude and hairball in the throat. Right now you have the power to stroke that kitty and make her appreciative, or run things backwards and keep getting scratched. (Ever pet a cat from tail to head? I recommend skipping the experience.)

Let go of woulda shoulda coulda. It will only give you ulcers. BM is hypocritcal. That is just the way it is. You cannot change her. Trying will just stir you up. So, for the sake of you and SS and your DH and the rest of the family, you are going to take a nice deep breath and blow away all the crap she has heeped on you over the years. You Do Not have to accept it. And you do not have to return it.

[dipper]

for two summers both bm and dh interpreted the court order to mean he got six weeks visitation....period.

Now, she demands she gets three weekends - giving her a third weekend along with the two weeks.

She could be right...but, that means she knew this all along and didnt do it.

so, in other words, she got us then and she will get us now.

quite frankly, all this amounts to is nothing has changed.  She controlled then and she controls now.  SS is not going to improve because he is still dealing with this crap, only in a different household.  He is still subject to her control and manipulation.