Newsweek Article - Why Parents Who Batter Win Custody

[TGB]

Another biased article.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14870310/site/newsweek/page/1

Here is the response I sent to [email protected]

I have worked with many parents, both fathers and mothers, who were victims of an alienating parent. In many cases that I know of, the victim parent was clearly able to show the court that alienation was taking place, but was unable to get custody because that, alone, is not reason to subject the children to the trauma of a change in custody. I don't know of any judges that will change custody just because a parent is alienating the child. Only when the behaviors of the alienating parent are clearly hurting the child will the judge consider changing custody.

Parental alienation is a form of emotional and psychological abuse of the children. In all of the severe cases that I have seen, the alienated child feels a strong need to "protect" the alienating parent. Alienating parents depend, to an unhealthy, suffocating extent, on the attentions of their children. They are also very adamant that the children are "my children". They are incapable of recognizing the contributions of the other parent to the children's well-being.

When I work with alienated parents, I make sure that they are carefully documenting not only the alienation, but also how that alienation is affecting the children. It is critical, in a court case, to prove that the alienating parent is hurting the children through his or her behavior.

The best place to start is with school and medical records. In nearly every severe alienation case I have worked with, the child has had very poor grades in school. This is not because the child is unable to perform, but because the child has high absenteeism, repeated failures to turn in homework, and discipline or behavior problems in class. The medical records will show that the absences are not based on true illness, but if the child saw the doctor at all when absent the complaint was very minor. I have even seen where doctors wrote in the record that the child was clearly making excuses to get out of school.

True alienating parents are unable to properly discipline their children, and are so nurturing that they are unable to assist the child in overcoming the inevitable problems that people encounter in their daily lives. Instead they and their children become eternal "victims" of the people and circumstances around them. If a child has discipline problems in school, it's the teacher's fault. If a child fails to turn in homework, the alienating parent is always there to help come up with an excuse. If there are financial problems, it is because the ex is failing to provide proper support.  Never will an alienating parent admit that they are in any way contributing to their own situation or that of their child.

To alienating parents, the world is divided into two groups of people, those who are with them and those who are against them. They are constantly seeking sympathy and trying to win people over to their point of view, to align them against the "evil parent" and the "conspiracy" that is trying to take away his or her children.

The only thing that bothers me is that, all too often, an alienating parent is successfully able to manipulate the world into believing their story. Without any evidence to show that they are the better parent, or that the other parent is an evil batterer, they expect the world to believe them. The other parent is left with a never-ending barrage of accusations, unproven allegations, and innuendo against which he or she must defend or lose all access to the children. Every time an alienated parent meets a demand of the alienated parent or proves that an allegation is false, there is a new allegation, requirement, or barrier created by the alienating parent to prevent access to the children.

Remember the Elian Gonzalez case? Every time Mr. Gonzales met the demands of the relatives who had Elian, demands they made him comply with in order to see his child, they came up with a new requirement or excuse to keep the child away from his father. His only recourse was to go to court and fight for his son. Fortunately, he won. I was extremely disappointed, however, that his win was on a technicality of the immigration law instead of on the merits of his rights as a loving, caring father.

Did Sarah Childress even bother to look at the court records on Genia Shockome's case? I'm talking about the very thick file in the courthouse, not the selected documents, if any, that would have been shown her by Genia. If she had, she would have seen it clearly documented why the Father won custody. Judge's don't just transfer custody on a whim. They look at the evidence. What evidence did Sarah look at before creating such a biased article? Did she even talk to the father and ask him for his side of the story? Was she yet another gullible victim of an alienating parent? I would expect better of a reputable news magazine such as Newsweek.

Respectfully,
TGB

[Sunshine1]

I rarely respond to posted news articles, but your response was kick ass!
Thank you for sending it!

[MYSONSDAD]

Thank you for posting this. The more educated responses they receive, the more they will look at the devastating effects this article will have and hopefully see the damage they just dispersed on every parent in the country.

My letter was short and simple, just gave the facts and asked them to explain what exactly they would call the behavior the ex deals out. It goes far beyond mental abuse.

Carey Roberts did a peice 6 months ago, it really ties into what is going on State by State.

http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/roberts/060222

"Children learn what they live"

[notnew]

I cannot post it here at this time due to lurkers and it really contains enough information to put two and two together.

The jest of the e-mail gave brief overview of my case and how the court's totally ignored the PAS presentation. Judge even stated "that is not what is happening". Really? How much time needs to pass where I don't hear from my child before they "see" what it really is?

I think Newsweek was bombarded with e-mails on this. I noticed a short time later that it was off of the MSN News main page.

I hate the people who pertetuate these lies.

You are so right about the allegations and defending them. I've just battled a court system with hard evidence and proven behavior patterns only to have all of it pushed aside based on the lies of an expert witeness counselor who reportedly revealed what my child "really" thinks. No matter that social services and court appointed evaluator had already conducted interviews where none of these things came out. Aren't they professional's too? It's just unbelieveable.

Will there ever be a change? I hope so, but I realize it will most likely be too little too late for my child.

[FatherTime]

Good job.  Very thorough and on the point.  

I never understood the alienation factor that much in my case.  I see many of the signs and symptoms of alienation much clearer now that I have read you response to the article.  


I especially picked up on a few, one that sticks out in my mind is...

"If a child has discipline problems in school, it's the teacher's fault. "

Hence, she changed teachers, w/o telling me....I have no say, or right to say anything ( according to her ).  

Thank you,

FatherTime