Any thoughts on what to do?

[john29]

My wife and I married young. I was 21 and she was 18.  We just had our 8th anniversary.  We have 3 children, ages 5, 4, 2.5.  At the end of June my wife told me that she no longer loved me and wanted a divorce.  It was time for her to be selfish. I convinced her to go to marriage counselling, but realized she was just going though the motions.  In fact she told the therapist that I was sucidial in their private meeting.  After a painful month I agreed to a divorce.  She began taking long weekends to her parents house.  We would alternate weekends with the kids,  I soon realized that she had been having an affair since June.  She even financed a new car for the new boyfriend. Our neighbor, her good friend be came so disgusted with everything she was doing that she told me everything. I ended up filing for divorce, but before she got served, I was served with a restraining order.  The restraining order was thrown out, but she refused to let me see the kids, or even talk to them.  I missed their birthdays and Halloween.  Our affidavits were due to be filed at the courthouse on October 12th.  Mine were filed.  Hers were not.  She had mine a full 2 weeks before hers were filed.  After 75 days the Guardian At Litem finally got it so I could see the kids every other weekend.  They have told me things like, I want to trade you in for a new Daddy.  and I changed my last name to Evans.  (The boyfriends last name).  They told me that Mom's boyfriend told them to tell me that.  I have taken the high road, but I fear that she will get residential custody of the kids,  and I will see the kids every other weekend.  My attorney says that she has never been so confident in a case before, and she thinks I will get sole custody.  I will believe it when I see it.  The problem I see is that they might give her a slap on the wrist for what she has done, but give her the kids because she is the mom, has family support in the town she went to, and enrolled the kids in preschool.  I am told that I shouldn't worry about those things.  I have discovered that shared parenting is fiction.  Meaning if the parents can't agree the custodial parent gets to make the decision.  I saw my kids for the first time last weekend.  Two of my children had rashes.  My oldest son asked if he could stay with me 5 times.  I cannot afford to pay the child support she is asking for and my own bills.  I will have to quit my job and move out of state to live with my parents.  I have always been a good father and have done my share of the nurturing.  She has been caught lying to the At Litem, not being cooperative, and being very unreasonable.  The boyfriend is not a pleasant person, and I am afraid my children will be abused.  He answered her phone once and cussed me out.  His deal is that he was a divorced father who got raped in court.  Apparently, he feels it should happen to me too.  He has encouraged her to lie saying I am suicidal, homicidal, a child molester, that I'm gay, cold, rude, have an extensive porn collection, and that I enjoy kiddy porn.  I'm getting very tired, and don't understand why she can't behave like a grown up.  I thought divorce was lose for everyone.  Not lose for me and the kids and win for her.

[MYSONSDAD]

Many here have been down this road. The same things you are going thru now, have happened to others. Lies are commonplace, I can't remember lies, so I choose to tell the truth. Let her be the one caught up in her deceat.

I just got thru with a very long, high conflict fight for our son. Ended up getting a true shared custody. She was  given a choice, agree or lose custody.

I took the high road. Never did drugs or smoking, but used to have about two beers a month. Gave it up. You need to show yourself as being very stable, loving and devoted to your children. NEVER GIVE UP.

If you haven't already, start documenting. Organize your paperwork. Third party documentation will also play it's part. Never get angry, no matter how bad things get. Don't play into her game. Walk away and vent later. Keep things close to your vest, unless you can really trust someone fully. Sometimes saying something can get confused and get back to the ex.

Your filing first may be to your advantage. If you have not left the marital home, don't. Set up a trust now for CS, when it is ordered by the judge, they will ask for back support and you will be ready.

You being 'replaced' by this boyfriend will not go well with the judge. They usually look down on this behavior.

The friend who informed you of what was going on, get them to testify or a sworn statement, before they change their minds.

Never go alone on the exchanges, bring someone you can trust and will testify. I asked my witnesses to also document what they witnessed.

You will also want to become a very involved parent at the school. Talk with the teachers and encouraging for your child.

What state are you in? I am sure others will add to this post.

Good luck!

"Children learn what they live"

[reagantrooper]

I feel for ya. Be prepared for the long fight it will go on for many years. Never give up the fight and never settle for anything less than full parental rights. You and your kids deserve it.

Watch that lawer remember they are in it for the money. EDUCATE yourself because chances are the lawer will take all your money before your case is done.Then you have to represent yourself.

This a war you must now look at her as your enemy. You must have a defietest attitude towards her. Dont fall into the "oh I want to work with her in the best interest of the kids" TRAP. You are many years from those days.

Let the new shitbag BF roll off your back dont sweat him or the thoughts of him with you X wife. Rember she is your enemy now and you where there first. It made me feel much better when I told the new BF that everytime he kisses her he needs to think of me and what I did in that mouth . Both thier jaws dropped. (actually I was much more graphic)Hey they should have saved there little show of afection for when me and my kids where not there!

Get a monthly planner and document EVERYTHING. Do this starting NOW!

READ READ READ READ and READ some more!!

Good luck!!!!!!!!