What is Enough to have BM in contempt???

[stepmom]

My husband's ex is constantly violating the divorce decree.  

For each of my step children's birthdays we are to get all of them from 5:30-7:30.  On my SS birthday the BM took them out of town to visit her mother and family.  She knows that we are to get the children on their birthday.  We tried calling their house for two weeks to let him know that we were coming to pick them up.  We had no idea where they were until they got back which was several days after his birthday.  So not only did my husband not get them on his birthday, he didn't even get to talk to him on his birthday!!!!!!

Also my husband has a designated time that he can call and talk to the children. He always calls during his time because he knows that if he calls outside of his time frame the children won't be able to answer the phone.  He called one night and was talking to his son.  It took him a while to answer.  His son said (we have this recorded) "I had to ask mom if I could answer the phone because sometimes she doesn't let us answer when you call."

Another scenario.......In the papers it states that the BM and the BF are to divide spring break equally.  It says that one parent should have the beginning of the week and the other should have the last part of the week.  My husband called his ex and told her that he wanted to have the children at the end of the week if possible.  She told him (we have this on the recorder) that SHE had already made plans for the children and that he could only get them on Saturday and Sunday.  So of course again he got screwed over.

We have several other things recorded that do not go in accordinance with the divorce papers.  My question is......Is a recorded conversation enough for her to be in contempt?  If not what else would be sufficient?  

[Ref]

Some states make it so phone recordings are not legal unless both parties are aware of the recordings. I think, from reading this same questions on other boards, you are ok with the recording of your kid because as a parent you can consent on thier behalf.

What I would do is write BM a letter stating that she was not allowing you visitaiton per your agreement and ask her why she believes it to be right that she does that.  Hopefully that would draw her into admitting on paper that she does that.

If she is anything like DH's ex, she thinks she is fully justified and will admit to it right away, even in court.

What state are you in?

Ref

[Mamacass]

I might suggest communicating with her in writing.  A friend of mine does all communication with her SS's BM in writing.  That way you can document in writing what days you have asked for.   And even if she answers you verbally, you can keep a calendar of what days you have your stepkids.  Then you have your ducks in a row for court- 1. the original order to show the time you should have, 2. the request in writing for your time, 3. the calendar to show the time you got.  That way you don't need her to admit she denied you time, you can show it.  

You may want to ask your attorney if it is enough to take her to court on though.  I have heard some people say to only go to court for the big stuff, but I've also heard of people saying they go for every violation.  I'm not sure which is better, but I do understand the arguments for both ways of thinking.

Also, be careful if you start down the road of communicating by writing, b/c with my friend that is now the only way they can communicate with the BM.  While I think it is less stressful for the adults and keeps things more cordial for them, it makes things harder for her SD (she never sees her mom and dad talk to each other which causes nmore stress for her.)

Good luck!

[stepmom]

We live in Alabama.

The BM is well aware of my husband recording conversations.  When he talks to her he lets her know that he is recording the conversation.  I don't think she would admit to anything on paper.  Usually the only way to get her to say anything is over the phone.  I think that if my husband wrote her a letter it would make all of this worse.

[Ref]

Also, you have to make sure he tells her that he is recording at the beginning of the conversation and hes that recorded. See if your attorney thinks this would be admissable in court. I think this is one of the times that only a lawyer from the area can help.

Good Luck
Ref

[Mamacass]

Well, you can still keep a written journal of what she said on what dates.  We do that, and our attorney will use that in court because we can tell the date and specifics of the conversation.  If your recording conversations though, you are already keeing track of what was said when.  I have a feeling that it wouldn't be as good in court as a written letter, because it could easily turn into a he said/ she said deal.  You say that you talked to her on xx/xx day and she said X, she lies in court and says that she actually said Y.  If you have the letters, there is no denying what you asked for.  
I can understand not wanting to do the letters though.  My husband and I haven't started down that road, b/c once you start that direction its really hard to turn around.  It has its plus side, but also has some negatives.  

[MYSONSDAD]

Your phone records can be used to back up the recordings date and time.

[mistoffolees]

This depends very much on the state. My attorney says that in OK, as long as one person in the conversation agrees to the recording, there's no need to tell the other person.

However, this rule does not apply to conversations with minor children. They can not be recorded without the court's permission.